AIBU to find holiday with small DC bloody relentless?

[Rainallnight]

That’s it, really. DP and I just had an argument. Think we’re both exhausted.

You need to tag team. It's the only way.
Or book somewhere with a kids club!

I’m a single parent to 4 so yes the holidays are extremely exhausting

It’s why I’ve not been anywhere for years.

Honestly no, but that is only because you need to share the load equally.

I think it depends what sort of holiday you like/liked pre kids, whether you are a SAHP etc.

I wohm so holidays with my kids are the best proper time I get with them - I get plenty of time away from them etc.

I also am perfectly happy doing the things they like, I enjoy mucking about on a beach and dont need blazing hot sun, I'm not bothered about evening entertainment etc, so I quite enjoy holidays with mine.

But I think if you love quiet time lazing by a pool cocktail in hand, or long evenings out in bars/restaurants, or are a SAHP who rarely gets a break from the kids, I can well imagine holidays with young kids are a bit miserable

Not really. We both did equal amounts with the kids when they were really little and probably had/have much lower standards than a lot of people on here regarding playing with them and days out etc. It's a holiday and it's meant to be fun so just try to relax and enjoy it.

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

Make sure the share the load equally and ensure each parent gets an hour or so each day to relax and read a book etc.

However yes holidays with small dc are very different and tiring. I think of holidays now less as a chance to relax and more a chance to see new places, try new things and have quality family time.

I think it can be hard work depending on the type of holiday. We have just come back from three nights in a bed and breakfast. Had a lovely time in the day but didn’t feel like we got any time to relax or chill as we were all in the same room. Had to be up early for breakfast and lights off and silence as soon as ds was asleep. At times it felt a bit relentless as we had no switch off time. We are off to a static caravan soon which despite being nowhere near as luxurious will be 100 times more relaxing as we will have our own space in the evening and will be able to have a few low key days where we can potter around in our own space.

I agree with a pp that it depends what you like. I genuinely enjoy going to new places with my kids, playing with them in a pool or on a beach, taking them to a farm etc. We also go to towns and coffee shops which is more for me and DH, but everyone gets to do things they enjoy and we love being all together. Young kids are hard work, but seeing them enjoy themselves and have new experiences is the best, better than relaxing on my own for me!

You have to lower your expectations and enjoy being somewhere different. Ours loved going to the beach, lunch in a pub garden or on the quayside, a swim in the pool, rock pooling … then they were tired and ready for bed. We never sat in silence in the dark as seems to be expected; book connecting rooms, a cottage, a caravan, a flat with a balcony.. anywhere you can be a little bit separate. It inly for a few years .

Haha YES.

After a couple of summers of trying to enjoy the sort of English holidays we used to pre-kids (self catering beautiful but quite remote farmhouse type things) with a 1 and 4 yr old, we’ve come to the conclusion that holidays are now definitely more knackering than being at home!! Which does seem to somewhat defeat the point... I mean the kids enjoy it, but we come home slightly broken husks.

So for the first time I’m now googling all inclusive family resort type things somewhere warm for next year ! Used to be a bit snobby about such things but not any more!!

(If anyone has any recs of such things I would be delighted to hear them!)

I really enjoy our holidays but I only have one . I think it depends on your approach. I wouldn't stay in a hotel or B&B with DD, but a cottage holiday gives us plenty of room and no one else's schedule to adhere too. It also means we have evenings free just like at home as there's plenty of room - it's not much of a holiday IMO if you are spending your evenings sitting in a dark room. I like having time with DH on our holidays to watch films or play board games or just have a chance to reconnect.

We do kid-friendly activities and accept that it's a family holiday, not a holiday as a couple (although we still do enjoy the change of scenery and chance to spend time together as a family). I love seeing my DD having fun and experiencing new stuff with her, so I still get pleasure out of the activities we do, even if they aren't things I would do if if it were just me and DH on holiday!

I think you just need to relax your expectations, not worry about sticking to routines, just get food you all enjoy, do some fun stuff for your kids, enjoy the time once they're in bed, and just try to relax about it all. Make decisions on accommodation and activities that suit the kids and accept that holidays with children are not couple holidays. When they get older it gets better as your interests start to overlap more, but with young kids, you really have to gear it around them. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy being somewhere different and seeing them enjoy new experiences.

How on earth could anyone imagine taking kids away to be remotely pleasant or enjoyable? 😂

DS is 2 and I love taking him away. I’d only manage a couple of nights in a hotel though, otherwise it’s got to be somewhere with two bedrooms so that we can have some downtime after he’s gone to sleep.
I love taking him new places and seeing things from a different perspective.
I could imagine with more than one DC it might be much harder though!!

We did have 20 years of holidays without any kids though so we’ve seen it all and been all over so this is new for us!

Yep it’s knackering. BUT we had a transformative moment the first holiday we didn’t take a buggy (youngest was just 3 and fine on his scooter). Went to a seaside town. There were masses of things to entertain them, we didn’t have to constantly think “how are we going to fill the next 5 hours”, and we weren’t schlepping around the buggy which was amazing - finally felt more like we were all enjoying hanging out with each other rather than battling from place to place and always worrying about access and where to put the buggy and what to do about nap times. They had a blast, the evenings rolled round quickly, and then we shovelled them into bed and had relaxing adult time with wine chocolate and Netflix in the evening.
They’re 6 and 4 now, and there’s no way we’re doing anything but go to UK seaside towns for the next year or so, but we’ll go further afield when they’re older. The combo of

1. not too far to travel
2. masses of stuff to do, even if wet
3. good range of food options just means that once they’re over a certain age, it can honestly feel like a bit of a holiday - for me at least the main bit is a holiday from having to dream up crap to occupy them on a rainy weekend. The novelty of being somewhere else is fantastic. Usually

It gets better!

I used to threaten to go home on every holiday by about day 2, as one or other of the kids (mainly just the one) would be driving me mad. They refused to go to holiday clubs.

All changed when they got to about 6 and 8 and found some friends by the pool.

Oh and the relaxing bit for me is leaving my job behind and just enjoying playing with my children. Its not about lie ins or sitting in bars or relaxing with a drink, those aren't things I do to relax.

I genuinely love taking DS in the sea or collecting shells with DD or what have you, I miss them when I'm working so I enjoy their company on holiday.

Agree with @Sunnygold - holidays with young kids can barely be called 'holidays'. No lie in, relentless cooking and cleaning, tantrums, no sitting reading a book or spending the afternoon in a bar drinking cocktails etc. It's just parenting (which is tough enough at home) but in a different place.

That has not been our experience at all to be honest.
We've been lucky enough to travel extensively with dc from when they were less than 12 months (Australia).
We loved experiencing life in other places though the eyes of being a family as opposed to what our pre-kids travelling was like.
We still managed to do a lot of eating out, even enjoying regular glasses of wine at sitting out in the evening warmth etc

We always tried for a balance between something we wanted to do - museum / gallery / walking tour and things dc like - playground / parks / beach/ swimming. That way everyone was happy.

Lots of breaks for icecreams and we stopped at every park / playground / green space we came across so dc could have a run around and we'd have a take out coffee / cake

When dc were very young we always stayed in apartments unless it was only an overnight. That gave us great freedom to have breakfast at home, have a separate room for them to sleep. A small kitchen to whip up pasta / toast if they got peckish. A fridge to stock up with wine / milk / snacks

Dh and I relished these trips and always had time alone in the evenings. Some of my happiest memories are of us all heading off somewhere new and getting the dc excited about all the things we'd see / do. We've only ever done 1 dedicated beach type holiday in all the years which was to Majorca and even then we incorporated 3 days in Palma city centre before heading to the seaside village.

We've had wonderful family adventures with the dc in many places including Berlin, Prague, Venice, Paris, Budapest, Lake Garda, Canada, Australia, Thailand etc

I have had holidays like that, but we've got better at it! Honestly there will be some shortcuts you can take that work for your family. We always have very tame unambitious holidays. We self cater, avoid very hot places, ensure we either drive or have a hire car.

We set ourselves up for daily trips to a park, and mornings only at the beach (our kids love love love the beach but we hate it busy), takeaway twice a week, picnic lunch most days, easy dinners the rest of the time. We might do one or maybe two activities in a week - like an open top bus tour, or a local zoo, even a soft play!
We research the hell out of a place before we go so nothing is left to chance. We will know the opening hours of the corner store, the price and location of local petrol, the weather forecast hour by hour.

It's definitely not how we holidayed pre-kids, but we have learned to love it.

We have one dc so easier than trying to balance the needs of different ages.

We have changed our expectations on holidays hugely - family friendly hotels with a separate sleeping area for dc so we can at least watch the telly when dc has gone to sleep.

The noise in a family friendly hotel restaurant is incredible but at least we don't stress out if dc is a bit chatty because there's always other people's kids that are louder.

* Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.*

^Completely agree with this.

The other game changer is bringing doting in-laws along for some childcare! Obviously this depends upon having some though.