AIBU to find holiday with small DC bloody relentless?

[Rainallnight]

That’s it, really. DP and I just had an argument. Think we’re both exhausted.

I know what you mean OP, and kind of relate to those posters saying it's more restful staying at home.

But we want our DC to experience new places and we both love travel (pre-Covid), so took the approach of trying to train them into it. We went abroad (long haul) when DC1 was 3 and DC2 was 4 weeks old and it was absolutely fine. We had a great time. We now have 3 DC and have done a few successful trips with them.

We usually stay in AirBnB type places in cities, which we prefer. Our approach is to focus on doing one sightseeing type visit (museum/gallery/attraction) per day, always in the morning when we're all fresh. Then have a nice lunch out and treat it as our main meal of the day. Then find some kind of green space and decamp there for the afternoon, tag teaming it so that each of us get some time to read and relax while the other runs around after the DC. Then we pick up a few snack/deli things for the evening meal back in the Airbnb place. After the DC are in bed, DP and I can have a glass of wine and play cards or scrabble! It's obviously not as relaxing as a child-free break, but it works for us, and our DC have started to really appreciate travel, especially the older two who have done more of it.

Thanks for all the replies!

DP and I could definitely be better at tag teaming. Our problem is that DC invariably run off in different directions and want to do different things in any given place so that takes a bit of management.

DS is going through a really bad threenager phase. DD is five and a lot more civilised but is very clingy for various reasons.

No doting in laws to help. In fact, we’ve brought a very elderly MIL with us who actually needs a bit of looking after herself. So that’s not helping. My parents are dead.

We really are having some lovely times. And I don’t expect it to be like holidays pre-kids. I’m accidentally a SAHM, so I think that might be part of the issue, as PPs said.

I’ve never considered one of those all inclusive places. Would love some recommendations!

@Sunnygold

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

I don't get this at all. We are on holiday now. Had a lovely stop in the way up at a NT place we'd not been to before with an amazing playground. Got a trip out today that should be good for everyone, museum for tomorrow and then not sure, couple of options for the last day.

We aren't at work, we are visiting places we wouldn't otherwise get to, we will all be eating more cake and ice cream than usual. It's absolutely a holiday worth being on.

It depends on where you want to go and what sort of things your DC enjoy.
I always booked the water world type hotels, which the kids loved.
Have a look at those.
Have a look at the activities offered for each hotel to find one that suits you best.

We definitely do child friendly, bucket and spade type stuff, and we’re happy to, so I think our expectations are ok from that point of view. I think it just doesn’t help that DD and DS like very different things. DD would happily spend all day every day in the water, it DS is like a cat when it comes to water

It's hard to get right I agree. Then just when you hit on a perfect formula the child/children are older and suddenly hate the idea of mini disco and kids club!

We're in holiday in Scotland right now, and have been doing a lot of things that I did here on holiday as a child aged 6-7 and absolutely loved. My 7 year old is constantly whinging that she hates walking and that she wants to go back to the holiday house. All she really wants to do is play on her tablet (time rationed) or watch Netflix.And there was I feeling guilty that she'd done too much of that in lockdown; turns out it was her idea of heaven. Sigh.

Astonishingly our 16 year old seems to be really enjoying it. Getting up in the morning (shock), showing interest in the plans for the day, researching stuff about where we are going. Apart from winding up the 7 year old he has been great! (So far!)

@Sunnygold. Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening.

I get this. I don't get the posters who don't get this.

You can't sleep in on holiday since you need to get up when the kids do. You can't have a leisurely breakfast, relax with a drink or read a book because they come and annoy you. "Mummy, I want a drink", "Mummy, I'm bored", "Mummy, play with me". You can't sit in a bar in the evening without booking a babysitter because it's illegal to leave your kids in the holiday accommodation by themselves.

Yes, you can do different things. You can drag your kids round NT properties, go on day trips and eat ice cream on windswept beaches while your wetsuit-clad kids look dubiously at the sea. You can do all of those things. None of which Sunnygold mentioned in their post.

I’ve never considered one of those all inclusive places. Would love some recommendations!

One of the Ikos resorts if you can afford it. They're pricey though.

Fuck yes. Had a disaster holiday with our 2 yo a few weeks ago. Tantrums, change of routine, hated everything, hated the beach, the pool, the food, just wanted to stay in the room and watch cartoons. Never again!

AI hotel with kids club (if they will go mine wouldn't) and a good pool/ waterslide/play park. Get at least a one bed apartment with a balcony or terrace so you can stay up and read when they go to bed or have privacy for sex. Put the kids in the room with the telly and you may even get a bit of a lie in. It's the only way.

@gingercat02 It’s a good point about whether the kids will go. We haven’t even tried so far because they wouldn’t have up to now. I think I’d be a bit nervous about booking an expensive holiday for the kids club only to find they won’t go in!

@Sunnygold

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

that's a sad way to look at it. Of course you can't have a ADULT holiday with kids, but surely if you wanted kids, you actually enjoy your time with them?

I have no interest in being stuck home just because I have children. I have always loved holidays, without then with children. I need a break and a different scenery!

Holidays are making my life a million times easier. I don't have to think about entertaining the kids: everything is new, everything is interesting. You just need to choose the right location and holiday.

Why can't you have a leisurely breakfast?
Either rent a house, or get room service and let the kids play - or even god forbid let them watch tv or play on a tablet?

I found it easier to have lunch out, and bring back a deli or something for diner. You sit down, kids play around, you have a drink. Or you have a quicker diner in a restaurant. You know your kids, and what works.

[quote Rainallnight]@gingercat02 It’s a good point about whether the kids will go. We haven’t even tried so far because they wouldn’t have up to now. I think I’d be a bit nervous about booking an expensive holiday for the kids club only to find they won’t go in![/quote]
@Remaining might be different if you are a SAHM mine was in nursery so kids club was just like that, might be a novelty for your kids. It's better when they are bigger and can do football, tennis, pool, games etc.

We have loved all our holidays with the kids. Admittedly, we never had any relaxing on a sun lounger all day type holidays before having children though. We really enjoyed spending lots of time with them, seeing new places and watching them have a good time. We usually did caravan/holiday park holidays - Haven or Center Parcs in the UK and Eurocamp or similar in Europe. We would always go somewhere with an indoor pool, with flumes etc as they got older, and with plenty of other things to do. There were freuently other children around for them to play with and we relaxed with wine and a book once they'd gone to bed. We often chose parks near somewhere we wanted to visit so we could have a day trip there - Paris, Bruges, Amsterdam. Otherwise, we tried to be close to a beach & a town to cut down on needing to drive anywhere.

Incredibly hard work. Even just the packing and prepping for a holiday, is enough to put me off going on one. I just CBA to do adult tasks FULL STOP at present.

@Sunnygold

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

You make a good point. Even going swimming requires at least 1:1 ratios for small children, which means 2 children or single parent = no break. It is nice for children to see unfamiliar places and things and so holidays worked around things like a visit to the Otter sanctuary or seals on the beach, a bit of sandcastle building/kiteflying or light paddling are fairly easy - you need simple days out with picnics/shop bought pasties etc in the UK, and low expectations. My now adult DC still remember the time it poured with rain and we spent all afternoon under a piece of plastic sheeting on a beach in Devon - they thought it great fun. But 5 days of that would not have been so entertaining. If you go somewhere hot you need enough adults to supervise being in /near the water and a rota system so everyone gets a break.

Any TUI Blue ( formally family life) is worth a look.
We've done a few and they're great.

Even going swimming requires at least 1:1 ratios for small children, which means 2 children or single parent = no break.

Under 5s around water requires an extra level of vigilance. Definitely not a holiday unless you have more than one adult per child.

I’ll disagree with you. I’ve taken my dds away since they were tiny. We took them everywhere we went on holidays. We made them portable. I take them away with me in my own now for long weekends. It’s actually better without dh
Dds are 11 and 10 now, so easier as they’re used to travelling and will pack their own bags. I check them in case they’ve missed anything.

@NowEvenBetter

How on earth could anyone imagine taking kids away to be remotely pleasant or enjoyable? 😂

Is this lighthearted? I love taking mine away, it's mostly pleasant and enjoyable but also very tiring!

How on earth could anyone imagine taking kids away to be remotely pleasant or enjoyable?

because... it is.

Under 5s around water requires an extra level of vigilance. Definitely not a holiday unless you have more than one adult per child.

But is your sole definition of 'holiday' 'being able to totally relax'? Because if so I agree that two small children and two parents in water doesn't meet that definition. But it can meet my definition of a holiday, which is that it's more fun and different to our daily routine at home.

I'm slightly bemused by all the people saying that holidays are no good if you're a SAHM because you're used to be around the children all the time. I thought one of the reasons I especially enjoyed our recent holiday is that I'm on maternity leave and so on my own with a preschooler and a baby a lot - a lot more so than I would be when I'm working - and so a week of always having another adult to take half the load and to provide adult company throughout definitely felt like a welcome break.

@Sunnygold

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

Ahh that's such a shame. Kids love holidays.

Yes, it's exhausting!

I have a 2 year old and 12 year old who obviously want to do different things. And i stupidly chose to potty train the 2 year old while we were away.

We do tag team, but it's full on!

I find it a hundred times harder at home, when you have to find ways to entertain the kids and are stuck into the normal daily grind and routine.

Holidays give you a break. A much needed one.