AIBU to find holiday with small DC bloody relentless?

[Rainallnight]

That’s it, really. DP and I just had an argument. Think we’re both exhausted.

Yes, it's brutal. Everytime I do it I vow never again.

How old are your kids

I'm hoping it'll get better as mine get a bit older.

I've heard that between the ages of around 6 - 10 are great.

Oh yes! Lots of us have been there before, you’re not alone!! You’ve either got to embrace the all inclusive plus kids club abroad (if you want a proper holiday) or do uk self cater somewhere with loads of activities close by which needs loads of pre planning and the weather Gods on your side!!

Yes they are.

Still better than being at home, where they get so bored the best game is arguing about toys!!

How old are they? It does get easier, eg the crawlinh stage is absolutely awful on holiday.

Once they can hold their own in a game of cards, you're fine!

I'm a single mum and only consider holidays to be time away from work and 'quality' time with DC. I long ago gave up any notion that holidays are in any way relaxing.

Not at all. I have a 2.5yo DS and 9mo DD. Relentless at the best of times but add in disruption of being away from home/normal routines/added pressure to have fun its just too much. My DH and I had the most hideous argument on our holiday this year because we were both exhausted and completely frazzled.

Is there any point in going on holiday with children? You can’t sleep in, or have a leisurely breakfast, or relax with a drink, or read a book, or sit in a bar in the evening. We haven’t been on holiday since before we became parents because it’s a pointless waste of money. If we’re going to be tired and bored we can do that at home for free.

Can’t agree with this at all. That’s your perspective, it’s not the perspective of your children who would probably love a holiday away, new beaches, ice cream, a cottage, a plane ride even. Don’t you remember holidays as a child? They were so exciting!

Can’t agree with this at all. That’s your perspective, it’s not the perspective of your children who would probably love a holiday away, new beaches, ice cream, a cottage, a plane ride even. Don’t you remember holidays as a child? They were so exciting!

Exactly! We're currently in Spain and DS is having a blast. He's made loads of new friends, has played in the pool for hours and loving the evening entertainment.
It might not be super relaxing for us but we've put him in kids club a few times so we have managed a break.

We've also done a couple of self catering uk holidays with friends this year and found the communal childcare a huge bonus!

Don’t you remember holidays as a child? They were so exciting!
Well I never got taken on holiday as a child because we were poor. But I can see how it would be exciting for kids. Not fun for parents though.

I think parents tend to get fun out of seeing their kids enjoying themselves though? I wouldn't choose to go to farm parks or places like that if it was just me, but I do enjoy them with my DD because she's so excited and has so much fun, and that makes it fun for me. I have fun when my DD has fun, really. If she's excited, it tends to be quite infectious! You can have fun in various different ways. It's just a different kind of fun, I guess.

Okay I said 'fun' too much in that post and now it doesn't look like a word any more.

I love it. I am a single parent, one pre school age child and one primary school age, and I work full time. I like spending time with them without trying to work at the same time (especially after this past 18 months of often doing both at once!), I like exploring new places with them, and I LOVE being somewhere someone else does the cooking and cleaning. (So airbnb cottages etc are not for me - a hotel is a holiday, although camping or youth hostel are both compromises I'm happy to make for the sake of affordability.)

I think it does depend what you like, and what you miss. I can happily plan much-older-children and child-free holidays in my head, but those things will still be there when they're bigger. And I like hanging out with my children and I don't usually get enough time with them. And I think, because it's just me, I just don't entertain the hope of a lie in or reading a book on the beach, so I don't feel frustrated or disappointed.

I've only got two children and I've always loved taking them away. Work full time so it was great to spend some time with them. One was obsessed with making a planner for the day and making sure we stuck to the timetable.

They are all frown up now but my holidays with DP are far from relaxing. We are up out climbing/seeing or doing stuff by 8am every day.

Nah you're not BU. They are.

Agree, they are. There is some joy to be had in seeing the kids enjoy themselves and experience something different too though. And further joy when they go back to childcare 😂😂

Kids on vacation weren't as bad as the (now) Ex was.

Ex seemed to think vacation with kids meant he got to rest/sleep in camper while I entertained the children until he got enough rest. This included naps during the day as well, for him.

Before kids it was "OK if I go gambling for hours while you stay in the camper" (cut off from the world because he had the car).

I completely missed the foreshadowing.

So, yes, vacations are stressful, more stressful if you don't both pitch in and help each other. Completely not fair if one of you thinks he can actually rest while on vacation with children and dumps on you.

Ours are (just) 4&7 and this is definitely the first holiday where there are lovely pockets of relaxation. We're at a chalet by a beach and the girls are old enough to potter endlessly or we walk to the rock pools. I've had a doze while DH kept an eye on them earlier.

I think there's a huge amount of luck in how a holiday with young children goes. We had a genuinely lovely -not especially relaxing, but fun and enjoyable - holiday with a three year old and a six month old earlier this summer but:
a) we had good weather
b) we went somewhere we didn't know that well but which turned out to have loads and loads to do
c) (VITALLY) both children were on really good form - slept as well as they do at home, no one ill, no one teething

Though I do also think that expectations make a big difference. We had some dreadful holidays when DS1 was tiny and I think the reason this was so much better was partially because his brother is a much better sleeper, which we can't help, but also that our expectations have fully adjusted (and we can't really remember pre-children holidays clearly to compare any more!). This was the first holiday where DS1 was really old enough to really get excited about and enjoy the concept of being on holiday, seeing all these new things and having all this time with us, and that was genuinely so lovely to see.

I like to holiday with DH’s brothers or his close friends. That way they get to take the kids out during the day while I relax in air-conditioned apartment or spa or my balcony with a book, and they get to go out in the evenings and enjoy the night life (which I have no interest in!) If DH and I go away with just DC we argue all the time.

Only one DD but we go on holiday every year since she was born. And we always enjoyed it.

I think it is a lot about expectations. We didn't do hotels until DD was able to stay up until 9-9.30pm and even then we had a family suite with a door between us and her so we could stay up longer if we wanted. That was from 7 years onwards.

Before that we always went self catering, she had her own bedroom, we did bedtime similar to home and had relaxed days with as much cooking or eating out as we wanted.

Obviously it is also about sharing duties, DH is always more the adventurous one, so he took her swimming or did outdoor activities while I did more quite time activities with her.

And we did sit at the pool, had a drink, read a book. Either when DD was in bed, had a nap or was later at the kids club.

Team up-go with other people with kids. The children are easier in the day as they have someone to play with, then in the evening you get to spend time with friends. Win win.

It’s just parenting in a different place, with less stuff, bring more tires than normal. Sometimes there is a brief interlude of enjoyment.
I remember coming home from Wales 2 days early as we were that fed up with ours. We’d had 2 visits to the doctors with illness whilst we were there too. It does get better and easier the older they get.

I agree with UK seaside town as a great place for a family holiday where you can relax a bit. Separate bedroom for dc is also a must for me, after our first ever holiday in which we got no sleep and strongly considered coming home early as it was so painful!

My son is 18 now and we have only ever holidayed in this country, mainly cottage holiday, occasionally a couple of nights in a hotel, I only have fond memories of these times, as a full time working parent, it was an absolute joy to be able to spend quality time with him and my dh, yes it's still work and ok, yes maybe I didn't always want to the things we did, but the look on his face of pure joy of doing those things and having both parents there to witness it was all I needed.
During the first lockdown when the 3 of us were all at home together for weeks on end, he said it's not so bad mum, it's just like a long extended family holiday, so I think that proves that he has happy memories as well, which means the world to me.
I also know that those holidays were good times for him as he still chooses to come away with us and now we have the added bonus of his girlfriend as well, who actively chooses it as well.
So just give in to the mayhem the kids will thank you for it.