To think leaving an 11 year old

[busybee12three]

Home alone til midnight is unacceptable ?

Not great, but circs… is the 11 year nearly 12, responsible? A one off? All the time? An emergency?

I don't see the issue, presume they'll be asleep by that time anyway?

Nearly 12. Circumstances was out on the piss. First time at night as far as I'm aware

Yeah that's not good at all. Mine is perfectly fine being home alone during the day but at night would be scared.

It was more like 1am-2am. Just don't know if I'm overreacting but this is the latest thing in a long line of incidents.

I haven't left 11 year old DS at all yet. I think it'd be fine if I was popping out in the day for 10 minutes and he had his phone. But I wouldn't leave him if I didn't have to - and I couldn't imagine leaving him at night.

Not acceptable at all.

Depends on the 11 year old and where the parent is, how quickly they could get home. I have left mine at home until midnight. I was in the next street along tat my friends house. Called them in the evening and they texted me to say they were going to bed. All fine, but they are very sensible

Yes unacceptable unless an absolute emergency eg planned to be home by 8pm and broke down. So to leave on own until after midnight to go out on piss completely not on and in my view negligent. Even if child physically OK, gives message that going out drinking more important than child. If latest in long line of incidents, I would consider reporting to social services - although better obviously if the parent instead changes their behaviour but assume they aren't someone who would take such advice kindly?

I don’t think that’s acceptable. I leave my ds1 alone on the day for up to a couple of hours (he’s nearly 12 and is sensible, responsible). I wouldn’t leave him at night though, and certainly not when out on the piss. When he is alone at home I’m never more than 15 minutes away and he’s able to call me if he needs to. Presumably the parent is drinking and unable to return home quickly. I don’t think that’s ok, my DS certainly wouldn’t feel happy alone until that time.

Totally depends on the circumstances.

I leave my 11 yr old for an hour during the day if I'm running boring errands or have a docs appt, she's very steady and capable. No way at night/evening though.

I thought I was pretty lax but I'm really shocked a couple of people have said 'depends' I can't think of any way this could be ok, to leave an 11 year old home alone at night for longer than to nip to a corner shop. You didn't say what time they were left, all day? After they'd fallen asleep? I don't think any is acceptable but I'm curious.

In the circumstances described, no way. Definitely wouldn't be acceptable for my child.

How does the 11yo feel about it?

Not ok.

Would be non-ideal for work, is just not on for drinking.

My son was always mature for his age and very independent but I wouldn’t have leave him alone at that time at that age, much less so to go out partying.

Having said that, my ex didn’t see any issue doing the same when he was 5, apparently it was ok as “he was not going to wake up”. SS disagreed.

Not great for ‘out on the piss’. My dd is 12 next month and I wouldn’t leave her at night that late. I can leave her to pop to the supermarket, but an hour max. I also have dd10 to consider, who is more street wise. We live in a close of five houses and know all the neighbours, they have three friends in the next street.
Dd will be coming home on her own soon, as she’ll be bussing it some days back home alone.

No I absolutely would not. My 11 year old is brilliantly sensible and due to the pandemic has been home alone an awful lot this year but I think the cut off point for leaving them home alone is when it gets dark.

I especially wouldn’t do it if I were out drinking. I leave him when I’m working or when I’ve popped to my friends for a cuppa but I’m sober, have all my faculties about me, check in often via text or FaceTime and could be back in 5-10 minutes if needed.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with what you’re describing until he was 15 maybe? 16?

YANBU
I wouldn’t do it

My step daughter has been left alone until after midnight since that age. We already had a social worker due to other issues, and when we found out we reported it to her. We were told it’s fine, as long as she knows who to phone in an emergency and can make herself something to eat and drink! So we had to just ask her to call us when it happened and we would go and get her. X

I was ‘friends’ with a woman who used to do this and I cut our friendship partly because I felt so upset and annoyed by her attitude towards her son. She kept telling me how great it was that he could make his own dinner and put himself to bed whilst she went out on tinder dates. One time, she stayed out all night and he got himself up in the morning and took himself to school. He probably was mature and capable but what a horrible lonely existence and it only takes one thing to go wrong that might have had serious consequences. If your friend is out getting drunk and their child phoned with an emergency, then what? I would definitely disapprove of their behaviour.

No way. I have an 11 year old and she's fine being left for about half an hour but I know she gets a bit worried being alone. At night, absolutely no chance, she'd be really scared.

Depends on the 11yr old. At 11, I was babysitting other children and earning a wage until late at night.

Yes, occasionally until 10pm was my limit, and not that late on a school night.