To think leaving an 11 year old

[busybee12three]

Home alone til midnight is unacceptable ?

My 11 year old is brilliantly sensible and due to the pandemic has been home alone an awful lot this year but I think the cut off point for leaving them home alone is when it gets dark.
That doesn't work in winter though, it's dark before I leave work at 5pm.

I would not be happy with that

No I wouldn't. My children wouldn't stay at home alone anyway.

A one off for an emergency, I’d let it slide.
A frequent occurrence to get shit faced? No, not ok.

Nope, not acceptable. Me and my siblings were left alone at night and I remember it as being pretty scary. We were 'capable' (essential since our parents were a shower of shit) but we were still just little kids.

Anyone who tells themselves this is ok is either neglectful or conning themselves.

Also it’s different if you put them to bed and then head out (for example) as opposed to leaving them at 5pm to get themselves something to eat and put themselves to bed etc.

My DD was okay for short periods (an hour) in the daytime at that age.

No way is it okay until midnight - she was nearly 16 the first time I did that!

Completely unacceptable.
Is it a regular occurrence?

My son is thirteen almost and whilst I’d leave him during the day I wouldn’t at night. There’s more potential for him to be worried I suppose.

Of course if I told him my concerns he’d give me a look of utter disgust and say he likes being left!

Nope. Don't think it's acceptable for any adult to get drunk while in charge of a child, let alone go out of the house to do it. Some people shouldn't be parents.

I would leave my 11yo for an hour or two during the day. Definitely not at night and definitely not in circumstances where I wouldn’t be able to drop everything and get home immediately. I definitely never drank even if it was a social outing so I could have my full faculties to get home quickly.

I could see finances and the need to work forcing the issue of leaving an 11yo home for those hours and I do think it would be ok. I know my parents left me watching my younger siblings at that age and it was fine. I just don’t think it’s a good idea. However I do understand not everyone has the same economic circumstances.

No not OK, and I had to leave my 11 year old for 6 hours a day for months on end throughout this pandemic which I still feel horrendous guilt over.
Leaving him home alone at night for no good reason? No way.

Would I be correct to presume this is during contact at NRP's home? Does he/she have a phone? I would tell them to call me every time this happens and go and collect them.

I often leave my 12 year old for a few hours... not till midnight but I probably would. Depends on the child and if they are responsible enough.

I wouldn't do it and I don't think it's great to be honest

my youngest is 12 and she is fine being left for long periods in the day - but evenings and nights she needs me there - she's be very upset being alone that late

No, I wouldn’t find this acceptable. And I’m usually reading these threads perplexed at those who won’t leave a 15 year old alone for an evening, but 11 is a bit young in my opinion to be alone until 1/2am.

During the day I would say it’s fine though as long as the child is sensible.

Is it fuck acceptable. I can't believe some people are equivocating about this.

It's not only about the physical safety of the child -- although that's a consideration. Yes a sensible 11 year old might be able to put themself to bed without harm but for an 11 year old to be aware that their parent would prefer to be on the piss than at home with them must be horrendous.

Not sure who this relates to but I'd call SS on someone who did this routinely.

No it's the resident parents house. The person has a drink problem and tends to go wild. Anyways, Thanks for the replies. I knew I wasn't Overreacting. Just like hitting my head against a brick wall trying to get them to see they've fucked up

YANBU, unacceptable. And people on this thread who are saying it's OK need to have a word.

Not acceptable, especially if the reason was just to go get drunk

@PlanDeRaccordement

Depends on the 11yr old. At 11, I was babysitting other children and earning a wage until late at night.

That's not OK either.

No, not in the evening and that long.

DD was alone during the day, secondary school holiday, I was at work and DH on a business trip. Unavoidable and we moved her to this since she was nearly 10.

I think we left her for the odd hour before 8pm.

She is now 14 and will have her first alone evening with all neighbours informed.

@busybee12three

No it's the resident parents house. The person has a drink problem and tends to go wild. Anyways, Thanks for the replies. I knew I wasn't Overreacting. Just like hitting my head against a brick wall trying to get them to see they've fucked up

You could report for the sake of the child. I’d never forgive myself if something happened I was aware of and I didn’t do anything about it.

Not on my watch

I am a relaxed parent and encourage independence from my children. However, I think leaving a 11 year old home alone all evening and into the early hours - is neglectful.

If it was for work to keep a roof over their heads - it's very poor. But just to go out on the piss/shagging is really wrong