TTC and childless is shit

[ttcissoboring]

I am drained, TTC is shit. Absolutely shit.

I never thought it would get like this. Pissing on OPK sticks waiting for smiley faces it's just bullshit.

I kinda wish now I'd have got pregnant by accident unexpectedly.

I have also had losses so it's dragged the process out and I just cannot be bothered anymore. It's draining and boring.

Not sure the reason for posting I guess just saying to anyone in a similar situation you're not alone.

It's even worse when all your friends have kids, so I'm lonely in that activities have to be 'child friendly' or never an evening out with cocktails sophisticated because they can't due to their kids so I end up feeling isolated and lonely and bored.

Just feel like my life is in limbo, nothing really happening - no life changes just same old bs.

I cling to my DH the only person lately I seem compatible with, and enjoy company.

I guess I'm just fed up today.

Let go of TTC for now and reclaim yourself- your life, your interests, your friendships, your relationship- all the aspects of being alive that are still there for you and are not dependent on whether or not you have a child.

@joystir59 so much easier said than done.

I am so utterly bored with life - to tears. Have tried hobbies, everything.

Started anti depressants last week and if I fall pregnant will continue those hopefully that helps to improve my mindset but I've done meditation courses, read self help books, accept invite to every social function, you name it.

Still drained and bored of life and TTC.

Miscarriages just throw extra spanner in the works too - the worry of being infertile or unable to carry to term.

I'm just sick of it

I’m so sorry. How long has it been now?

It must be exhausting, OP. I hated peeing on ovulation sticks! Did you know that statistically you're actually more likely to get pregnant WITHOUT tracking your cycle!? Simply having sex every 2-3 days (so there's always live sperm ready and waiting for an egg) is actually a more successful method. (I just used ovulation sticks for a month to check whether I was ovulating again while breastfeeding.)

So maybe ditch the sticks for six months or so, just have regular sex and see what happens. It might be a bit less stressful? And certainly less faff! I'm sorry about all the "peripheral crap" that, goes along, with it. I hope you have success soon.

I am sorry that you have had losses, that's very difficult to get over. TTC can be totally soul destroying so it's fine to feel that way. It's fine to feel fed up and isolated by it all, I'm sure that's normal.

Can you ditch the OPK's for a couple of months? They never worked for me and just caused anxiety. Ditch them and take a month or two off trying?

@User135792468 started TTC in august 2019, had a loss at 10 weeks took six months out then found I have a medical condition needed to be under control to prevent future miscarriage.

That condition now under control but had another miscarriage at 5 weeks and this is the first month trying again since.

I am in the exactly same boat, I could have written this post myself so I am not sure I have any helpful advice but I would say sometimes I fund it helpful to acknowledge its utterly crap ans miserable then set a timescale on this and then try to pick myself up with another distraction. Like having a weekend of indulgence in self pity and go to bed on Sunday night deciding that next week is a new week and will be different.
I have run out of hobbies to start, I used to live for planning holidays but covid has made that hard recently.
I stayed in bed until almost 12 yesterday and tried to convince myself none of friends with kids could have done that so to make the most of it. But I know what you mean, it is draining constantly having to reframe your thinking.
You have my sympathy and I hope you find the anti depressants bring you some relief/headspace.

@Outfoxedbyrabbits @whippetwoman I find the sticks give me less anxiety and more control.

I haven't used them until the last two months but I haven't got the energy to have sex all month every day or every other I'd rather know the 48 hour window and then I know I did all I could that month

I'm sorry you're going through that. Yes, it is shit!

I remember feeling exactly the same -- like everything was on hold until you get the positive on a pregnancy test, and only being able to tolerate my DH as company!

Years and years of trying and 5 miscarriages later. Having a Rainbow Baby is literally the only thing I can think about. I'm considering having counselling because every pregnancy and birth announcement rips me apart a little bit more each time. Non of my family give a shit about my losses and my OH is of the opinion that other people's pregnancies shouldn't really affect me. We were meant to be going for tests to see why it keeps happening but they took me off the list because I had to rearrange the appointment twice due to his work schedule and I misunderstood how his rota worked so I booked them for the days he was working. I don't think he's that bothered about us having the tests done anyway so even if I do fall Pregnant again the chance of miscarrying again is pretty high

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby sorry you're in a similar situation. Yes pregnancy announcements get me down too.

I've been invited to a birthday party next week and I don't want to go, why do I want reminder of how I'm the odd one out?

Worth saving up and going private for fertility tests I have done that and meant I got seen to ASAP.

@Louise241989 sorry you are also in a similar boat.

Talking of indulging I am planning an evening out to pick me up tonight! I guess one of the childfree advantages is that you can be spontaneous!

@ttcissoboring I've been there and it's all-consuming. I don't think it's possible to understand how utterly shit it is unless you've experienced it yourself. Sorry for your losses Hope it happens for you soon.

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby men often don't get it either. Of course there are some who are supportive and are themselves desperate for children, but generally infertility just doesn't affect them the same way. There are so many couples out there who are lucky they'll never know how their relationship would fare under these circumstances. It's such a lonely thing to go through. Sorry for your losses

@Elkey thank you so much. And you are right in saying it does not affect men in the same way. My DH pisses me off when he says just carry on as normal. He enjoys TTC because of the sex 🙄

Problem is, he is not the one worrying about drinking alcohol for example so for him to say don't test and carry on as normal is pathetic. So when people say forget about it how can you if you're supposed to stop drinking for example and drinking is something you do Fridays and Saturdays? Of course you'll feel like your life is on hold or do I just carry on drinking which to me during first trimester after losses isn't a good idea (my losses were not alcohol related I don't drink in pregnancy but obviously I'm more cautious given losses)

I also enjoy intense exercise which would have to be altered so some people say don't test - well if I didn't I could harm the baby.

It's just annoying AF, friends have no clue and are quite unsympathetic and patronising to the point where I've distanced myself from all of them lately.

Yanbu.

Yet another family member announcing and celebrating all over my SM this morning. I know my first instinct should be happiness for them,but it's not. Its sadness for us.

It took 10 months to conceive our first. That's no time at all and it felt like eternity and was totally obsessing me by the time it happened.

YANBU at all.

@3Br1tnee same. DH called me mean as I got annoyed at someone's pregnancy the other day.

I guess it was mean but I felt angry! What a horrible emotion but it's true.

Can you take a break? I do have a DS now but I've been there.
We got pregnant naturally after just 4 months of trying, it resulted in a MMC. For the next 2 and bit years I was peeing on opk sticks, timing sex, before moving on to seeing fertility specialists, I even had a laparoscopy thinking I had something wrong after my d&c. It was such an awful time and everything else in my life took a backseat as TTC consumed me. No one found anything wrong, then they finally decided to test DH again. His sperm count had decreased and was too slow, it would be virtually impossible to conceive again naturally. I finally decided to just take a break from it all, I had tried to take breaks before but it never really worked out (obviously you still always think about it). Knowing ivf was our last chance, I then had a selfish summer with DH, we avoided our friends with kids but they knew what was going on, we booked a big holiday and two small ones. It was the first time in nearly 3 years I was even remotely happy again (apart from the one weekend on our big holiday when one of DH's pregnant family members invited herself along on a weekend trip and talked often about the baby). The break really did help in the end. Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from situations and people that make you feel worse, and that's ok.
I know there's not much anyone can say but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through it and I hope you get your rainbow soon

@ttcissoboring so much of what you've said has resonated with me. I've found myself distancing myself from friends recently too, that was one benefit of lockdown. I find it so hard to reach out and make small talk, plan activities when it feels like I've got 'infertile' stamped across my forehead and everyone must be looking at me wondering 'when's Louise and
..... going to have a baby'

Really hope you enjoy your spontaneous night out!

@Louise241989

I feel exactly like that! Like people think I'm going through secret IVF and are too afraid to ask.

I also had a friend say she doesn't talk about it with me as they assume something might be up with us not being able to conceive?! I haven't mentioned anything like this to her she just took it upon herself to say that.

It's obvious people are thinking you are struggling I agree and I find it embarrassing. I don't know why but I do.

@Fernando072020 there's no way I'm taking a break,

If I take out the medical condition and miscarriages we only actively have tried for probably eight cycles and that's taken two years,

I have other medical issues that mean there is absolutely no time to wait unfortunately

Why not be upfront with your friends then? It's never ok to ask, it's not just they are too afraid, it would just be a social faux Pas. If you don't say they can only guess you either don't want children or you can't have children. If they were close friends you should be able to talk about it with them. There is no shame in it, I don't get the secrecy.

Personally I didn't give up drinking when TTC, but a compromise could be not drinking during the 2 week wait? Good luck, I hope this is your month.

@user64325 perhaps you're right - but the secrecy is because when I open up I don't like the responses. They can be patronising so I just figured best to not say anything - which then creates its own issues.

Did you not give up during tww? These days I only have two or three in a week anyway.

DH sees nothing wrong with drinking moderately during pregnancy but I can't do it.

Perhaps you're right and continue until I get a positive.

@user64325 For me it's not necessarily a secret but it's too painful to talk about in real life. The explaining, the questions, the comments like 'just relax and it will happen' and then complaining about their children as if that's supposed to make me suddenly realise I've got it wrong and actually I don't want children after all, after my friend complains about their lack of sleep, or their child drawing on the wall.
Whilst being well meaning, sometimes even the closest friends can be insensitive.

@Louise241989 I agree that's why it becomes a secret. Or perhaps it's jot really a secret but just something I end up keeping to myself because other peoples comments and views are not helpful. At all. (Friends I mean)