TTC and childless is shit

[ttcissoboring]

I am drained, TTC is shit. Absolutely shit.

I never thought it would get like this. Pissing on OPK sticks waiting for smiley faces it's just bullshit.

I kinda wish now I'd have got pregnant by accident unexpectedly.

I have also had losses so it's dragged the process out and I just cannot be bothered anymore. It's draining and boring.

Not sure the reason for posting I guess just saying to anyone in a similar situation you're not alone.

It's even worse when all your friends have kids, so I'm lonely in that activities have to be 'child friendly' or never an evening out with cocktails sophisticated because they can't due to their kids so I end up feeling isolated and lonely and bored.

Just feel like my life is in limbo, nothing really happening - no life changes just same old bs.

I cling to my DH the only person lately I seem compatible with, and enjoy company.

I guess I'm just fed up today.

[quote ttcissoboring]@user64325 perhaps you're right - but the secrecy is because when I open up I don't like the responses. They can be patronising so I just figured best to not say anything - which then creates its own issues.

Did you not give up during tww? These days I only have two or three in a week anyway.

DH sees nothing wrong with drinking moderately during pregnancy but I can't do it.

Perhaps you're right and continue until I get a positive. [/quote]
The issue I have with giving up drinking is that as soon as friends notice they assume I'm probably pregnant!! Not like I drink a lot but at social events and things. Can't win! 🤦‍♀️ obviously none of their business, but when TTC consumes you 24/7 and everything you do you read into every little social interaction.

It's so painful, and it's also impossible to push to the side of your mind or "relax". I felt like this for a year or two, and totally relate to everything you're saying. I really wish you the best of luck.
The only thing I can recommend is acupuncture. I had ivf for my 1st child, and a specialist fertility consultant urged me to have acupuncture for 2 to 3 months, once a week, before the ivf started. He said pilot studies suggested it made an impact, that he didnt generally believe in "alternative" medicine but this seemed to work.
Best of luck and don't attend any social events that will put you on edge. Prioritise yourself.x

@Maryjane3227 thank you.

The issue for me though isn't the conception part I've fallen pregnant very quickly both times. It's the losses - which I almost feel are harder to control (or so the doctors keep telling me they are not preventable - even though I find out the first one was hit that's another story!)

So relaxing is a wise idea but not going to prevent losses.

I've actually been reading up on IVF and will consider if I have encounter two-three more losses.

I can't be dealing with this BS much longer than I already have. I'm giving it another year or so.

Two years in here with Hypothyroidism and PCOS. TTC is fucking awful.

I'm in the middle of my first cycle of clomid now feeling utterly dreadful. I'm so bored of how much medication I have to take, how many internal scans I have to have and just generally being shoved from one department to the next.

Here's hoping we get a win soon because I'm so tired of this consuming my thoughts.

[quote ttcissoboring]@3Br1tnee same. DH called me mean as I got annoyed at someone's pregnancy the other day.

I guess it was mean but I felt angry! What a horrible emotion but it's true.

[/quote]
He's got no idea. He's a nice person so is automatically happy for whomever it is, of the many announcements 🙄 I'm not nice so I just pretend to be happy for them 😂

@ttcissoboring how much is it for private testing if you don't mind me asking?

I really feel for you OP, it’s a completely overwhelming feeling when you want a baby. Sorry for your losses to I hope you have some happy news very soon.

I’m sorry. It took us 2.5 years and was the worst thing we’ve ever been through. I’m not sure I’ve ever fully recovered from it, even though we now have 3.5 year old DD. My friendships certainly have never been the same.

Yeah it’s really shit.

My partner had a child from a previous relationship so had no clue how hard it was for me. Luckily it happened for us in the end.

hugs

Oh lovely I have been there ...the aching, the longing, the temperature taking, peeing on sticks (HPTs and Ovulation tests). The heart sinking feeling when someone else has yet another baby. We lost our first child at birth, then had multiple miscarriages..the grief, the envy was almost unbearable - I thought it would never be us I really did, time was ticking on and we were about to look into IVF. The only change we made was to start on baby aspirin and the next pregnancy resulted in DS1 followed by DS2 a few years later ... I really hope that you get that longed for child. I really don't think you can understand unless you have lived it and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby the consultant fees totalled £350 and then the testing on top came to approx £300-£400 (I haven't had the final bill yet! But it's less than 1k) which in the grand scheme of things is worth paying for to know where you stand

Hugs, I have been there op, it is shit. It took us 2 years to get a BFP and we are due next month. We conceived naturally in between ivf rounds. The month it happened we had given up and were making plans for a childfree life. I really would recommend not tracking your cycle, it adds to the pressure. Good luck x

I spent 7 years TTC so understand the pain.

Hi OP

I had been trying for 2 years before I had my first pregnancy that I lost in the second trimester. I didn't drink in all that time apart from the odd glass when I was on my period. It was one small thing I could control if that makes sense! Late 30s is a scary place to be TTC. Circumstances delayed me for a long time.

All I can say is I know how it feels and I hope you get your rainbow baby.

I've been there OP and totally hear you. It is shit and it's very emotionally draining. After 3 years TTC and a couple of MC we started to openly talk about our problems to people. Before that when people would do the usual.. 'when you gonna make your mum a grandma?' Or 'when you going to have a baby?' Type questions we used to make excuses... 'concentrating on career for a few years' 'enjoying time as a two before having kids' etc. I think it was after the third MC when someone made a comment I literally just said 'I'd love a baby but I keep losing the slippery little fuckers!!!' , rather harsh and maybe a bit cruel but I just had enough of having to pretend. And you know what OP, it was liberating! Once we became open about our struggles we got so much support and discovered so many of our friends had struggled (albeit not quite as much as us!)
Hang in there OP. It's normal to be upset and angry when you hear about friends pregnancies, but it is also important to remember for them it's a happy time and to try and be happy for them.

And anyone who give you the advice to 'Relax and it'll happen' just reply with a straight forward Fuck. Off.

It’s extremely shit. Im sorry you’re going through it and I’m so sorry for your losses.

It’s a mixture of it being relentless (month after month) and uncontrollable that I found so difficult. People used to tell me to ‘take a break’ but I found it impossible to do.

I found forums helped a bit with the loneliness. Just taking to women going through the same thing was comforting.

It's just annoying AF, friends have no clue and are quite unsympathetic and patronising to the point where I've distanced myself from all of them lately

Are they really patronising and unsympathetic, or are they loving friends casting for things to say because you’ve pushed them away due to them having children and you not? Try talking to them. If they’re close friends they’ll listen to you when you ask them to stop with the platitudes or ‘helpful’ remarks about their own children.

@fringeneedsatrim

And anyone who give you the advice to 'Relax and it'll happen' just reply with a straight forward Fuck. Off.

I wish I’d taken this advice instead of inwardly sobbing about how uptight I am!

I've been there OP and I am still not really sure how we conceived DD (apart from the obvious ). I have endometriosis in the form of chocolate cysts on my ovaries. I did the same, tracking etc then I gave up any hope. I think we were ttc for about 5-6 years. We went travelling, moved away. I enrolled in a course, handed in my notice at work and discovered I was pregnant. I had been on a drunken night out the week before I found out and I felt guilty as hell but my point is once you relax it happens. I tried for a 2nd and it never happened but I am super grateful for my daughter. Good luck to you. Xx

@Gumboots29 we TTC for 9 years and had multiple MC... by the end of it I had a skin thicker than your gum boots!

Thank you for some Kind responses though falling pregnant isn't the issue. If I get a positive now I don't get excited just worry - is the slippery fucker going to slip away as another poster put it! Miscarriage is less about worth and more about something inside you you cannot control. Quality of the embryo etc etc.

I don't want to talk about it with friends. Call my cynical but I don't always feel best interests are at heart (very long story and that's for another thread) but I think I need to keep this between me and DH

Yes sorry I posted without reading the miscarriages part. My sentiment is still the same xx

I know exactly what you mean OP.

I have/had fertility issues and I felt like it was ruining my life. I was bored of everything, didnt see the point in anything and was starting to plan more and more random things to try and shake my life up.

I was trying to convince my husband to move areas, to move to london, that we should move abroad, was desperately trying to find a new job. Looking back now it was just desperate attempts to feel something.

I was also getting terrible advice from friends like "just relax and it will happen" but I have an underlying condition that meant relaxing wasnt going to do jack shit.

On the flip side, I am now pregnant and I'm terrified that something will go wrong so all my head space is taken up with terrible thoughts of things going wrong. Its exhausting.

Anyway I just wanted to say you're not alone! If you have been referred then I hope you get an appointment quickly

OP what helped me was getting quite pragmatic and medical about it. It's hard because when you get the BFP you hope this is the one, but like you, I stopped getting excited as I assumed it'd end in MC. I forced myself to refer to it as the embryo, understood that for those first couple of months it was a collection on cells etc. I refused to refer to it as a baby as I couldn't allow myself to emotionally attach too much because of the highly likely MC. It's difficult for people who haven't been through it to understand that mindset but for me it was like emotional armour.

I hate fluffy terms like rainbow baby and I don't think the ones I lost are the brightest stars in the sky and all that bullshit. You just need to do what you need to do to survive it. What I can strongly advise though is if you have a best friend or two, get support from them. My two best friend both had multiple babies during the years I was ttc. I love their kids but because they knew my situation and were sensitive to it.
Don't lose your friends over this, because, in five years time you're either going to have a child and want that social friendship back with other mums, or, be childless and stop TTC but want that social life back and they will want social time away from their kids.
The bit you're in at the minute is the hardest bit. Please try not to lose yourself in your sadness. And I genuinely am talking from someone who has walked that path xx