What are you really when you're 15 years old?

[DelphineMarineaux]

I've noticed that people seem to treat 15-16 year olds differently depending on the circumstances. Just from Mumsnet alone I have concluded that a 15-16 year old is a CHILD when it comes to paedophilia, but when it comes to sex with peers, getting pregnant, staying out until the early hours a 15-16 year old is suddenly "old enough" to make their own choices that parent's aren't supposed to meddle in. How can you both be a CHILD and be "old enough" to have sex, get pregnant and make decisions about whether or not to keep the pregnancy, stay out late on weekends etc.?

I'm just really confused. Seems like parents "mould" their children's maturity depending on what suits their own agenda. Surely, you can't claim a 15-16 year old is child when, on the other hand, you believe they are old enough to do adult things such as having sex and staying out late?

Just to be clear, I believe 15-16 year old ARE kids and should be treated as such. That's why I'm always shocked to read on here what parents allow their children. Like on one thread people told the OP that asking her 15 year old child to be back home at 21.00 on a Friday night is "too early". Why? Where can the 15 year old realistically go to warrants a longer curfew? It's not like they have access to bars, pubs and whatnot...

Thanks for reading.

There is a huge difference between 15 and 16, why are you lumping them together?

Because there's not a huge difference between being 15 and 16- Nor 14 and 15.

I mean, what would those "huge differences" be? :/

Well 16 is the age of consent and there’s a big difference between 15/16 year olds having sex with other 15/16 year olds, than someone much older pursuing a 15 year old? It’s an imbetween age there’s no moment where you can suddenly do everything and are suddenly an adult. They’re teenagers and need certain freedoms and have certain maturity but still need some guidance and rules. Certainly different to a child child like a 10 year old

Well one is still in school - the other one is close to, if not already, out of school. Maturity levels are generally different.

This is the problem with 15/ 16 year olds, they are both a child and a young adult... its that awful in-between age and parents have to balance that. They need to ensure that they give them enough freedom so that they can develop and become independent but at the same time they also still need protecting, often from themselves.

I don't think there is much difference between 15-16.

Yes, I think it very much depends on what the parent feels about a particular situation at a particular time. Most people even myself are hypocrites.

A grown man wanting to have sex with a 15 year old is the problem here, OP. It's very, very wrong and there is no excusing it.

Btw, a 25 year old wanting sex with a 16 year old is also wrong, unfortunately it's also legal if there is consent.

Sixteen is the age of consent which makes a huge difference in a lot of ways.

It’s a reflection on the growing level of maturity and their approach into adulthood. The fact that they are given room to make mistakes and have experiences with their peers gives them opportunity to learn within a safer environment.
The alternative would be to have no experiences of the adult world and then throw them into it suddenly on a specific birthday. An 18 year old who has had an 8pm curfew until this point might struggle when they are suddenly legally an adult and permitted to stay out all night.
Teenagers having sex with adults is wrong because of the power imbalance. Teenagers having sex with other teenagers has a much lower risk of that power imbalance which is why it is tolerated.

Your post is odd: sex offences against 15 year olds, or indeed older teens, are the only example you give on the one hand. Why is that?

Schools call them 'young people' usually - that. Teenagers. They are maturing. It isn't a binary state where they switch overnight from one to the other.

Physically their bodies will become able to reproduce - become adult by 13 ish. Psychologically brains don't fully mature til 24.

Between those times they are still more vulnerable but need increasing responsibility - but also parental/ legal protections. So yes it is going to look a bit contradictory.

The thing is when talking about paedophilia people arnt talking about a 16 year old having sex with a 15 Yr old. It's adults having sex with kids so in my eyes it's wrong for anyone over 17/18 to have sex with anyone under 16 regardless of consent age.

Say 2 x15 year olds were having sex u wouldn't be massively bothered apart from wanting them to be safe but if a 15 Yr old and a 20 year old had sex then that's different because one is an adult and one is a child til atleast 16 but really I think anyone 20 or over should stick to people 18 and over.

I meant I wouldn't be massively bothered **

I agree there is often a mismatch on here.
In some instances you get these 15/16 year olds talked about as being ‘basically an adult’ and ‘you can’t make them’- phone usage, curfews, relationship choices, school choices etc..
and then other instances - paying their way, being horrible, rude and unkind, clearing up after themselves - were there ‘still so young’ and ‘just kids’
I often feel it’s a difference between rights and responsibilities.
And no, there no real difference between 15 and 16. Legally there is one but a 15 year old doesn’t magically wake up on their 16th birthday a fully functioning and responsible adult.

Gosh OP

If you can't tell the differences between the examples you've cited then you won't under any of the explanations that people give you.

Can you really not see a difference between staying out late at the weekend and older men having sex with underage girls?

Do you really not understand why parents do not want their children targetted by paedophiles, but do want them to develop age-appropriate relationships with people their own age and develop a little freedom and responsibility at a suitable rate?

The fact that you are unaware that turning 16 does change the legal status of a child is probably the root of your confusion.

I am all about my DC learning responsibility by gradually giving them more and more freedom. They don’t change from children to adults over night.
Some things i let them make their own mistakes, others I decide they are not mature enough and that as a parent is my right.
Teens sleeping with teens, not ideal but always going to happy. Teens sleeping with actual adults, not ok.
Teen already pregnant, it’s done, can’t change it so they need to start taking more of the adult responsibility they have created.
Asking them to be in for 9pm and then a year later being allow fo stay out all night, not going to end well. Slowly increasing curfew or having special occasions of later curfews, teaches responsibility.

Neither are fully functioning and responsible adults, but psychologically there was a huge difference in my thoughts about my 15yo’s and my 16 yo’s.
Personally, once my eldest was 16 I trusted her both to sort out contraception and stay out late, but that was who she was. I asked her to wait and she was happy to do so.
My youngest is not interested in either of those things at the moment and does seem more like a child, but I am comfortable with that too.

@GintyMcGinty

Gosh OP

If you can't tell the differences between the examples you've cited then you won't under any of the explanations that people give you.

Can you really not see a difference between staying out late at the weekend and older men having sex with underage girls?

This

I do worry about peoples critical thinking sometimes. Sorry op, I probably come across as harsh and unfair but I have noticed this more in the current climate too with various covid related things and posts like this just confirm my thinking.

It's a difficult age for many reasons. They are mature and immature at the same time.

Because 15 and 16 is old enough to consent to experimenting with their own peer group if enthusiastically consenting, and noone calls 2 15 year olds who fancy each other paedos, but if an older adult is grooming or exploiting them, then its another matter. They are still vulnerable and protected by law from.this.
Police dont arrest 15 year olds that are going out with each other, but a 17 or 18 year old would be on dodgy ground, and if older than that, the power imbalance is way off

I look at them as young women or maybe junior women.

I’m in my early 40s now and became sexually active, with no regrets, around my 15th birthday. My boyfriend was a few months younger. He was a nice boy and did not put pressure on me. If anything l instigated things.

Aside from that, l was quite a “bookish” somewhat shy teen who had strict weekday curfews and didn’t drink or smoke. Elder sister was my guiding light.

Mum was annoyed when she found out, not that l was actually having sex, but that l hadn’t told her and discussed it.

Had he been years older rather than a few months younger, she rightly would have had a lot more to say; there’s no comparison.

Surely you can understand there's a difference between being groomed by someone far more developed and worldly wise Vs developing a relationship with someone more equally matched in terms of maturity? That's presumably why the different situations get different reactions.

In addition any woman who is now an adult should remember what it felt like as a teen when hormones were bubbling.