What are you really when you're 15 years old?

[DelphineMarineaux]

I've noticed that people seem to treat 15-16 year olds differently depending on the circumstances. Just from Mumsnet alone I have concluded that a 15-16 year old is a CHILD when it comes to paedophilia, but when it comes to sex with peers, getting pregnant, staying out until the early hours a 15-16 year old is suddenly "old enough" to make their own choices that parent's aren't supposed to meddle in. How can you both be a CHILD and be "old enough" to have sex, get pregnant and make decisions about whether or not to keep the pregnancy, stay out late on weekends etc.?

I'm just really confused. Seems like parents "mould" their children's maturity depending on what suits their own agenda. Surely, you can't claim a 15-16 year old is child when, on the other hand, you believe they are old enough to do adult things such as having sex and staying out late?

Just to be clear, I believe 15-16 year old ARE kids and should be treated as such. That's why I'm always shocked to read on here what parents allow their children. Like on one thread people told the OP that asking her 15 year old child to be back home at 21.00 on a Friday night is "too early". Why? Where can the 15 year old realistically go to warrants a longer curfew? It's not like they have access to bars, pubs and whatnot...

Thanks for reading.

I go on more their vulnerability at that age - they more at risk of being taken advantage off. It’s a fine line between being aware of the young person giving them freedom to grow up but protecting them from being taken advantage off.
The brain development also is they more unaware of risks.

When I was teaching I noticed a jump in maturity during year 11 and young people who had behaved as children early on in year 10 were noticeably grown up as year 11 progressed. Those who had started gcse groups as being awkward and often being a nuisance, mellowed and even if not wanting to do much work often behaved in a more 'adult' fashion becoming generally more agreeable. I think the 15/16 age group is distinctly different from the 14/15 group.

That age group are though very vulnerable to problems created by mixing with older teens.

This thread is about opinions. Mine is...

Child = age 12 and below

Age 13-17 is transition to adulthood, it's a long transition because humans are complicated. Increasing responsibility over this period. Within fuzzy safety limits (they have to be fuzzy not fixed), Parents have a duty to let their kids make own decisions & potentially make mistakes during this period which is how you support your kids to learn to make good not bad decisions.

Age of consent = 16 is a sensible threshold.

Adults are still often immature, inexperienced, vulnerable. Learning is life-long, anyway. People need to have opportunity to be forgiven to learn from their selfish mistakes. We should still try to support our adult offspring.

My eldest recently turned 14. Apart from being bewildered that in a year I'll have a 15 year old (which feels nuts to me), I'm already seeing a more mature, level headed young person emerging from the child they were.

So I can see for myself now how heading towards 15/16 is very different from 13, and so on. And I'm OK with that. I honestly had no idea what to expect and when, til this year, when I'm actually seeing a difference.

I do desperately hope that my teen doesn't end up round older guys and women. I did, I was that 16 year old with the 23 year old.

It's definitely an in between, no man's land kind of age. Not just a child, but not adult.

I think there's a huge difference between 15 and 16.

My daughter is almost 15, she's about to go into year 10 and us still very much a child. She doesn't play, but still lives in an alternate reality, and is in no way ready to "adult" yet.

Whereas my friend's daughter is 16, about to turn 17 and she's going off to universities to look at open days, works part time, attending music festivals, concerts, the pub, getting ready to learn to drive. Regularly gets the train to London to go shopping. Pretty much ready to move out of home now.

There's a whole load of growing up they do between 15 and 16!

@romdowa

This is the problem with 15/ 16 year olds, they are both a child and a young adult... its that awful in-between age and parents have to balance that. They need to ensure that they give them enough freedom so that they can develop and become independent but at the same time they also still need protecting, often from themselves.

Grim view

There is no "problem" with 15/16 year olds.

And they are not young adults. They are older children/young people with developing capacity and some legal rights (if 16).

If you only start working on building independence at age 15 then what have you been doing with them for the last 14 years?! Are you still spoon feeding them and wiping their arses? No (I assume).

Do you have teenagers yourself, @DelphineMarineaux?

Once they get to about 15, they're starting to grow up. Teenagers only really learn how to be an adult through experience, so how we treat them changes to let them start getting that experience, allowing them to be in situations where they need to use their own judgement and learn from their mistakes, in a way that is appropriate for them as individuals. There are no hard and fast rules.

Most of us would agree that a sexual relationship with a older person is probably exploitative and likely to be inappropriate.