To ask cocaine taking dd to leave?

[WingingItSince1973]

My middle adult dd and her ds age 6 came back to live with us 3 weeks ago after housesharing went wrong. My dd has had a rough few years getting pregnant as a young adult then going through social services to fight to keep ds when it was found that the father of ds had been abusing him. Anyway over the years we have supported them both, almost bringing up dgs. Hes had serious mental health issues and has really only just started to settle down at school. Dd has had her own flat and a good steady job in a good career though always keeping her party girl status. So we found out that she's a frequent cocaine user. This explains how she has been since they moved home. She 'nips' out late evening to see friends then rocks home early hours usually 3am but has been 6 and 7 am. Shes super skinny and hardly eats but sleeps and sleeps which is then causing her to be late starting work (she wfh). My dgs gets neglected in the sense that she doesn't feed him until she's awake which can be 11/12 pm and she hasn't made him a proper meal or bathed him since they've been here. This apparently was what life was like for dgs when they lived away from here. I do look after him and feed and nurture him and have now stepped right in as his main care giver. When he was 10 months old my dh and me were approved as Foster carers for him when it looked like family court might want him to stay with us. Ok so I haven't enabled a AIBU as doing this on my phone while I have 5 mines alone. She denies flat out and is practically laughing at how stupid we are but we have solid evidence and witnesses that she was taking it in where she lived before while my dgs was upstairs. I want her out of my house. I have a teenager too who is really anxious anyway due to all we've been through with middle dd over the years and now this. Please please can someone help me. We have a great support network of friends and family so we aren't alone and we will seek help. I'm terrified of SS getting involved again. Dgs is absolutely loved and well cared for with us. Please someone help.

Sorry pressed send too soon. Its makes me a bit teary to think of my DS "relaxing" on his own with an xbox instead of getting what he needs from his mum.

Call social services and report her. Poor boy is still being abused and neglected. Your DD needs to sort herself out, so unbelievably selfish.

@Catflapkitkat

Given that your daughter was thrown out of her last house for drug taking and her flat said your grandson had missed school and she fed him, would she make a statement to the Social Workers? Her experience seems to mirror yours.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. She left her flat after 2 years to rent a house for her and dgs with her friend. The house was large enough to share with her friend. The house was lovely and it seemed she was getting sorted. There were no drugs involved as far as I know then. It was when she lived in the house it started and her friend couldn't cope so she ended up leaving. Dd couldn't afford the rent herself as they had split all the costs. Renting is high around here. So they moved back with us until another property became available. Her flat was council so she wouldn't now be eligible for another council property. So she had to leave the house she shared with her friend due to her taking drugs and having allsorts in the house. Her friend tried to help her and also looked out for dgs but it became too much. No one told me about this until last week x

I totally agree that even without the latest drug taking he has been neglected by her. Its not like she doesn't know how to parent. She had a lovely childhood. Full of crafts, horses, exploring etc etc.

Hi OP. What a difficult situation for you. I really would urge you to take to social services though, they will need to protect him but you most definitely will be the first option of him staying with you. Unfortunately you could be seen as colluding with her by not reporting since you know given the extent of her neglect. He is currently safe only because you are there but her behaviour will still likely be causing emotional harm, he shouldn’t be being raised in that in situation and you can’t protect him from that whilst she’s living with you.

I can sympathize with your situation having been in similar with my ex. I will tell you what my solicitor told me..if I continued to allow my little one to have contact I could be the one investigated by SS for allowing contact with ex when I knew my lo was at risk....you have a lot more going in your favour..the fact your GS is living with you already means you will have certain rights. I suspended contact with my ex and was more than willing to involve as but, sadly ex put his drug habit before lo and didn't pursue contact. You have to do what's best for your GS and ignore the "pull" of loyality to your daughter.

Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of all of you OP.
I have NO advice, I would ask her to move with the drugs, but she's still your daughter so I completely understand your dilemma. You're an amazing granny and your gs will remember that

@MinnieJackson

Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of all of you OP. I have NO advice, I would ask her to move with the drugs, but she's still your daughter so I completely understand your dilemma. You're an amazing granny and your gs will remember that

That's so kind thank you. She finally answered her phone today and spoke to ds who has been desperately missing him. We also have social services phone us this morning but no further updates from them. They just advised us to seek legal help x