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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dying of embarrassment?

92 replies

ikidyouikidyounot · 21/08/2021 03:17

My dad doesn't speak to any member of his family, he's pretty much alienated them all for mental health reasons and to be honest I have followed suit as I felt they could of tried harder with him.

However, last night some wine was consumed and I made it my personal mission to reunite everyone Blush I called each of my aunties and all of my cousins, I spoke to about 6 of them, no idea what I was saying. I'm absolutely affronted, whatever I was saying I will have been slurring my words and ugh, please just kill me! I've woken up and deleted all call logs and messages but I don't know how I'm going to get through today

AIBU to think this is a really big deal or is it not that bad? It wasn't like I called them and was giving them abuse but at the same time I was very very drunk and there is no doubt they will have heard that in my voice. Not just one or two but all of them which I am sure will be discussed. Arrrgh

OP posts:
Lumpwoody · 21/08/2021 07:13

It depends on the reason for the estrangement.

You have the fear though so just let it sit for a few days

BrozTito · 21/08/2021 07:20

My brother stole and flooded a saudi princes boat when pissed up and cant go back to spain. Thats my benchmark of stupid drunk shit so you're ok imo.

INeedNewShoes · 21/08/2021 07:22

My cousin phoned me to tell me how sad it is that my siblings and I aren’t close and lovey dovey like cousin and their brother are and to suggest that I should try and sort it all out.

I thought he was showing a huge amount of immaturity and lack of life experience and generally being a bit of a twat but otherwise it was harmless and I just chuckled to myself and thought we’ve all done twattish things under the influence of alcohol. I could also see it came from the right place.

We all do silly things from time to time OP. I’m still tormenting myself for something really ill-considered I said to someone a few days ago. The horrible feeling will face over time.

SaltySheepdog · 21/08/2021 07:23

Ring round them today and say you’re really embarrassed to have called everybody while tipsy.

PhilCornwall1 · 21/08/2021 07:23

Alcohol and phones don't mix.

Ditch the phone and have another glass of wine and chill.

Whatever happens, it'll pass.

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 07:24

Your intentions were good. I've done way worse when drunk, and without such noble purpose.

chesterelly · 21/08/2021 07:43

I'd do 1 text to all of them along lines of "sorry if I had bit to much Dutch courage before reaching out to you all last night. I've realised that family is important and I shouldn't blindly follow Dad's lead in keeping to ourselves. I hope you can see past any offence I might have caused and accept my apologies. It would be lovely to hear from you." It's a bit woolly so they can take it how they want, a simple apology for getting pissed before calling or heartfelt regret at cutting them out. Puts the ball firmly in their court and you can go forward with your head held high knowing you made the first move.

PineapplePanda · 21/08/2021 07:43

I mean if you said words of truth why not just send them a text apologising for being drunk but then also mention how you do wish you saw more of each other and hope that change will come about to your relationships?

Monestera · 21/08/2021 07:45

It's hard to say without knowing what caused the initial rift or how frosty you yourself have been subsequently. Personally, I wouldn't be impressed by someone ringing up drunk telling me how I should behave in family relationships, but that's mainly because I don't like being around drunk people.

TDogsInHats · 21/08/2021 07:50

Whoops OP, I expect you're still in the land of Nod.
Nothing to add except my congratulations on the correct spelling of embarrassment and berth.Grin

AbsolutelyPatsy · 21/08/2021 07:52

apologise , of course, no one appreciates a drunk phone call

they will be concerned for you op.

Terhou · 21/08/2021 08:06

@chesterelly

I'd do 1 text to all of them along lines of "sorry if I had bit to much Dutch courage before reaching out to you all last night. I've realised that family is important and I shouldn't blindly follow Dad's lead in keeping to ourselves. I hope you can see past any offence I might have caused and accept my apologies. It would be lovely to hear from you." It's a bit woolly so they can take it how they want, a simple apology for getting pissed before calling or heartfelt regret at cutting them out. Puts the ball firmly in their court and you can go forward with your head held high knowing you made the first move.
But please, "contacting" or "phoning", not "reaching out"
ShingleBeach · 21/08/2021 08:10

[quote ikidyouikidyounot]@Topseyt have I missed something? Apologise for what? [/quote]
For calling them in such a state you were slurring your words. Confused

Message saying ‘sorry I was a bit worse for wear last night, very embarrassed! But for what it’s worth, I mean it abd I am sad about the rift in the family and you are all important to me. Have a good weekend xx’

kittenheelsandhappymeals · 21/08/2021 08:10

Beer fear is the worst. I guarantee you'll be feeling overly anxious today because of the booze in your system. By tomorrow it won't seem as big of a deal. By the next day you might even be able to laugh about it.

You were trying to do a good thing. It's not like you were abusive. I used to have Facebook 'liking' sprees when I'd had a few drinks. Telling people how great they looked and how much I loved them. Embarrassing but it's better than being horrible!

Sciurus83 · 21/08/2021 08:22

Yeh this is fine, I really don't think you need to contact anyone. I mean, it was all in good faith and things can't be worse than they were. Stop your worrying it'll be alright! Worst case you might get a Hmm from them.

BillinaTheChickenQueen · 21/08/2021 08:30

@prettymessgosh

You should be ashamed of yourself
You should be ashamed of ^yourself^
EvenRosesHaveThorns · 21/08/2021 08:31

Well, it sounds heartfelt and hopefully it'll be cathartic to you to know that (drunk) you really did actually try to bring people together on something that is a deep source of sorrow to you, and it's liberated you to address an issue that you wouldn't normally. It's Friday night, summer hols, tough year, you're allowed to drunk call people - apparently the toffee nosed snobs of Mumsnet have never enjoyed themselves ;)

maddening · 21/08/2021 08:37

How had your dad alienated his family? What sort of issues does he have that caused them to go nc with him? I take it they are all still in touch with each other just not your dad? Had you made it clear that you were alienating yourself from them or had you just dropped contact?

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2021 08:41

@chesterelly

I'd do 1 text to all of them along lines of "sorry if I had bit to much Dutch courage before reaching out to you all last night. I've realised that family is important and I shouldn't blindly follow Dad's lead in keeping to ourselves. I hope you can see past any offence I might have caused and accept my apologies. It would be lovely to hear from you." It's a bit woolly so they can take it how they want, a simple apology for getting pissed before calling or heartfelt regret at cutting them out. Puts the ball firmly in their court and you can go forward with your head held high knowing you made the first move.
Oh dear OP Grin we’ve all been there, alcohol often makes ideas seem bloody fantastic. It’s just the next morning you question the execution! Fwiw I slur my words even when only very slightly tipsy, it’s annoying but I don’t think slurring is a benchmark for being wankered. The text above is a nice way of dealing with this. If you’d called me, I’d either think it was actually quite nice that you’d been thinking about it/me, or I’d just roll my eyes and move on. It’s not the end of the world. Now get yourself a bacon sandwich Grin
Livebythecoast · 21/08/2021 08:51

Oh bless you OP! Most of us have done something stupid/embarrassing/cringeworthy/mortifying *delete as appropriate, under the influence.
I remember, many years ago, calling my ex's landline after we had been split about 6 years. He was out so I spoke to his Mum about how much I still loved him and he was the one that got away and other drunk stuff. She must have thought I was a complete idiot and glad her son never stayed with such a lush. I woke up with 'beer fear' utterly embarrassed. Thankfully I barely drink now (not just because of that incident) but I get soppy and sentimental after a drink and think I can unite the world Grin.

You'll hopefully look back on this and laugh one day, possibly never.

cultkid · 21/08/2021 09:11

@broz hahahahaha

BingoBhango · 21/08/2021 09:25

Embarrassed about what? Speaking your mind?

Would a man feel embarrassed if he had done this? Obviously haranguing your family every weekend after a drink is not on, but as a one off I wouldn't even think about it. Fuck shame Wink

TheSloaneRanger · 21/08/2021 09:37

@BrozTito

My brother stole and flooded a saudi princes boat when pissed up and cant go back to spain. Thats my benchmark of stupid drunk shit so you're ok imo.
That's a good benchmark to have, I'm going to nick it Grin Honestly OP, just own it. It doubt it's made anything worse
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 21/08/2021 09:45

What's done is done. Maybe send out a message saying, had too much wine last night apologies for disturbing youBlush and leave it at that, if you still want to reunite then you could say that you were thinking it would be nice to get them together and suggest a date. Bit embarrassing but not horribly so.....

Scautish · 21/08/2021 09:46

Fucking hell some real sanctimonious twats on here today.

OP - focus on your intention rather than the way you delivered the message. It was good.

You’ll feel much better in tomorrow. Do NOT apologise to anyone and do not regret this.

Still can’t get over the level of judgement and criticism you got initially.