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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Someone in the house or early onset of dementia

67 replies

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:21

I know this sounds ridiculous so just bear with me - My father is 83 and today I get a call from my mother who is away this weekend visiting other family to say someone has been in the house and was it me ( I don't live there but do have access) I said no and she said my father said he went to the local shops and when he came back he opened the front door, it smelt like fish and someone had been cooking fish in the microwave and had left through the back door leaving the door and gate open. I couldn't get my head around what was being said so I said I would go and check in in my father so I'm here now and will be staying the night but he is adamant someone came into the house while he was out shopping, cooked fish in the microwave and left out of the back door - I know even as I type this it sounds bonkers I guess I'm just looking for advice what an earth is going on is my father showing early signs of dementia? I smelt the microwave I couldn't smell anything unusual, I looked in the bin - no wrappers or anything and I just can't see how someone could of got in/ out without a key, nothing has gone missing as far as we can tell so what on earth is going on? I plan to change the locks and hook up cameras outside and in the meantime I will stay the night as I don't want to leave him in his own but
I just can't get my head around any of it
And how it could possibly of happened yet I've never seen him so adamant! Any advice would be so welcomed right
now

OP posts:
Lockheart · 20/08/2021 23:23

is my father showing early signs of dementia?
Really OP no-one on here can tell you. If you're concerned ask him to see a doctor.

OlympicProcrastinator · 20/08/2021 23:23

Can I ask if he’s taking any medication for Parkinson’s?

BBOA · 20/08/2021 23:24

Is on any medication or anything? Feeling well in himself?

saraclara · 20/08/2021 23:25

I'm sorry, but the first sign of my MIL's dementia was her thinking that someone had been in the house.

Your DM being away could have triggered things 'not being right' in the house for him.

Viviennemary · 20/08/2021 23:26

That does sound very worrying. He needs to go his GP.

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:26

@Lockheart

is my father showing early signs of dementia? Really OP no-one on here can tell you. If you're concerned ask him to see a doctor.
I understand it's just late and I can't sleep worrying about him so until I can get in touch with the GP was just reaching out to be honest
OP posts:
Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 23:26

Hi op, one of the first signs of my grandad dementia was he claims someone had been in his house. I have seen alot of people asking the same question as you.

He insisted he woke up from a nap and saw my cousin going through his things.

My cousin was a single mum, to 5 kids on the school run at 3pm that day. Which is when he said it happened.

Our gp explained its usually based on something he is concerned about and then the confusion make shim think that's what happened.

Basically, several of my cousins borrowed money off him and never paid it back. So to him he felt like they had stolen money off him. As the dementia set in, it became that they had literally gone into his house had removed cash from it. He only ever believed the cousins who borrowed money had been in.

I am guessing your dad doesn't have a fear of people cooking fish in his house. But is concerned about being broke into.

I do think it's worth keeping an eye on this.

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:27

@OlympicProcrastinator

Can I ask if he’s taking any medication for Parkinson’s?
No nothing for Parkinson's, he is in a few tablets mainly for low heart rate
OP posts:
tinkerbellvspredator · 20/08/2021 23:27

It does sound likely. My mum came up with bizarre stories and was so adamant.

Geamhradh · 20/08/2021 23:28

Is this the first time you've noticed anything untoward?
My Mum had hallucinations that she was convinced were real. Men digging up the road outside the house at midnight, next door's cat getting into her car and sleeping there, other neighbours storing their kids' Christmas presents in the garden.
These all came after she'd started with the memory loss and had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's though.

IncessantNameChanger · 20/08/2021 23:30

Is it a one off? My mum.wrote me a cheque as a car loan six years ago and asked me how many zeros was in a thousand ( tempted to say four or five 🤣) and I was really worried but she has daft moments but overall it's not happened since.

It could be a virus as sometimes they can do this but he would be unwell with it or delirious I think.

I would sit your mum down for a Frank chat on what she has seen him behaving like

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:30

@Hypnoshiding

Hi op, one of the first signs of my grandad dementia was he claims someone had been in his house. I have seen alot of people asking the same question as you.

He insisted he woke up from a nap and saw my cousin going through his things.

My cousin was a single mum, to 5 kids on the school run at 3pm that day. Which is when he said it happened.

Our gp explained its usually based on something he is concerned about and then the confusion make shim think that's what happened.

Basically, several of my cousins borrowed money off him and never paid it back. So to him he felt like they had stolen money off him. As the dementia set in, it became that they had literally gone into his house had removed cash from it. He only ever believed the cousins who borrowed money had been in.

I am guessing your dad doesn't have a fear of people cooking fish in his house. But is concerned about being broke into.

I do think it's worth keeping an eye on this.

Thank you for sharing your story it's quite a shock my dad is very old school nothing is ever the matter and he never shares when things are not well with him so it's very difficult to see things like this creep up, I will speak to my mum when she's back about next steps and ask her to keep an eye on him
OP posts:
Lockheart · 20/08/2021 23:32

I know OP and I don't mean to seem snappy but MN is full of strangers with no medical expertise and who may hold odd (I'm being charitable, here) beliefs, for instance who are convinced ghosts etc are real and who might start telling you he's getting visitations from your dearly departed great aunt who loved fish etc etc.

I think any medical advice from unqualified strangers is likely to wind you up and make you worry more than anything so please, take everything on here with a pinch of salt and see a RL doctor.

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:34

There have been a couple of things over the years. I think we put them down to "senior moments" but maybe only 1 or 2 things like not locking the car/ leaving car door open, things like that but maybe this is something a little bit more than a senior moment. I will definitely be speaking to my mums maybe start a log of what's happened

OP posts:
SeoultoSeoul · 20/08/2021 23:36

You could try asking him a few questions that go beyond the ordinary chit chat if every day life.
Ask him if he knows the name of the current and last prime minister, who Prince William and Harry are married to, details of recent news events.
Whether he is aware of the hour, the date, the year.

If he has a chest infection or UTI it can also cause temporary confusion, could you take his temperature?

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:36

@Lockheart

I know OP and I don't mean to seem snappy but MN is full of strangers with no medical expertise and who may hold odd (I'm being charitable, here) beliefs, for instance who are convinced ghosts etc are real and who might start telling you he's getting visitations from your dearly departed great aunt who loved fish etc etc.

I think any medical advice from unqualified strangers is likely to wind you up and make you worry more than anything so please, take everything on here with a pinch of salt and see a RL doctor.

I appreciate that thank you Smile
OP posts:
hulahooper2 · 20/08/2021 23:38

Ask your
Mum if she’s noticed any changes in his behaviour at all. My mum got very confused when she had a uti , could it be something like that . At least you will be keeping an eye on him now , but unfortunately if it is onset of dementia there is no turning back . It’s a stressful journey so please accept any help offered

Lockdownbear · 20/08/2021 23:38

Op ask him some questions that he should know the answer to, his DoB, address, the year, prime minister those were things that were asked to my gran when she was first assessed.

JaceLancs · 20/08/2021 23:40

DM has Alzheimer’s but main symptom is memory loss - her best friend has a different type of dementia and frequently has delusions - people breaking in is one of the more common (her DD who I know installed cameras to reassure herself and show to her DM)
Both elderly ladies get worse if they forget their meds or have any other illness - even just being overtired makes the dementia worse
If my DM really gets bad it’s nearly always a UTI

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 23:40

Thank you for sharing your story it's quite a shock my dad is very old school nothing is ever the matter and he never shares when things are not well with him so it's very difficult to see things like this creep up, I will speak to my mum when she's back about next steps and ask her to keep an eye on him

My grandad was similar. He has been gine 5 years now.

But looking back, before this started, he started to publicly complain about the cousins and one aunt borrowing money.

Which he had never complained about. Then when I visits his first words would be 'you haven't come to borrow money have you', even though I had never borrowed anything off him. Now, I can see how it started a good while before we picked up on it.

We just thought he had, had enough of them taking the piss. The aunt borrowed £500 from my nana and she died shortly afterwards. Grandad asked for the money, my aunt insisted she had given it back to my nana. But nana was housebound. The money was never found in the house. Even after we cleared it. My Grandad always felt she had used her own mothers death, to get out of paying it back.

And I think these things weighed on him more than the rest of us knew. So then when the dementia started, it was always about his money being stolen.

He would spend hours on the phone to banks, naval charities (he served in the navy), utility companies etc, convinced they were taking money from him or not giving him what he was entitled to.

It took us a long time to realise he wasn't just belligerent. I sometimes wonder if we could have helped more if we had picked up on it sooner.

I think as a starting point, you have a good plan.

KeyErro · 20/08/2021 23:43

I can't comment on dementia but if electric devices smell like fish, that can indicate a problem with the wiring. Something to do with arcing?
Is the house generally in a good state of repair?

justasking111 · 20/08/2021 23:47

I would check UTI listen out is he peeing a lot?

Lemoncurd · 20/08/2021 23:53

@KeyErro

I can't comment on dementia but if electric devices smell like fish, that can indicate a problem with the wiring. Something to do with arcing? Is the house generally in a good state of repair?
I was about to say similar, a smell of fish would worry me because we kept smelling similar in a house we were renting last year. Eventually discovered that one of the sockets had melted.
happinessischocolate · 20/08/2021 23:57

As pps have mentioned it could be a UTI but it could also just be that he's not drinking enough. If my dm doesn't drink enough water she gets dehydrated and starts imagining she's in the wrong house or that her mum is sat with her.

A lot of elderly people eat a lot less so get less water from their food, and then if they're not drinking much either it doesn't take long for delusions to set in.

UndertheCedartree · 21/08/2021 00:01

It could be as you say or perhaps a bit of delirium from an infection like a UTI. It would good for him to see the GP, although of course he might not want to.

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