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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Someone in the house or early onset of dementia

67 replies

penguinparty00 · 20/08/2021 23:21

I know this sounds ridiculous so just bear with me - My father is 83 and today I get a call from my mother who is away this weekend visiting other family to say someone has been in the house and was it me ( I don't live there but do have access) I said no and she said my father said he went to the local shops and when he came back he opened the front door, it smelt like fish and someone had been cooking fish in the microwave and had left through the back door leaving the door and gate open. I couldn't get my head around what was being said so I said I would go and check in in my father so I'm here now and will be staying the night but he is adamant someone came into the house while he was out shopping, cooked fish in the microwave and left out of the back door - I know even as I type this it sounds bonkers I guess I'm just looking for advice what an earth is going on is my father showing early signs of dementia? I smelt the microwave I couldn't smell anything unusual, I looked in the bin - no wrappers or anything and I just can't see how someone could of got in/ out without a key, nothing has gone missing as far as we can tell so what on earth is going on? I plan to change the locks and hook up cameras outside and in the meantime I will stay the night as I don't want to leave him in his own but
I just can't get my head around any of it
And how it could possibly of happened yet I've never seen him so adamant! Any advice would be so welcomed right
now

OP posts:

alexdgr8 · 21/08/2021 00:02

i sadly have too much experience of this.
it is very hard to get your head around at first.
do not ask him pointed questions or challenge him on what's possible or likely.
just listen, shew concern where appropriate, eg oh dear that must having been worrying. and gently change the subject.
it does sound very like dementia unfortunately.
i made the error of trying to prove to them that what they were saying was impossible. trying to correct them. hoping i guess that they would snap out of it, and be back to normal, and reassure me.
but it doesn't work like that.
you can reassure him by taking his concerns seriously, that you are going to get cctv etc. and will call round whenever you can.
i wish you all the best.

CovidPassQuestion · 21/08/2021 00:03

Sometimes smelling off smells can be linked to a stroke. When you spoke to him, did you look at him face on, and was his face moving evenly?
I'd definitely be worried, so you're right to be thinking about it and following it up.

alexdgr8 · 21/08/2021 00:04

yes, but it's not just the smells, it's the confabulations about the door and gate etc.

alexdgr8 · 21/08/2021 00:06

and the adamant insistence that a person was in there etc.
with no acknowledgement of how unlikely that is, or sounds.

eeek88 · 21/08/2021 00:09

Uti can make them go totally doolally overnight (but it’s reversible!). Seek medical advice but don’t panic…

pinkhousesarebest · 21/08/2021 00:24

My dm became delusional during a journey to catch a 5am flight and accused my df of kidnapping her.Unfortunately my df did not read the warning signs and caught the flight. The holiday quickly became a nightmare. It was the first sign of Alzheimer’s.

MollyBloomYes · 21/08/2021 00:41

OP just a thought, you mentioned he's on tablets for low heart rate. My gran is currently in hospital after a fall and they have discovered very low sodium levels abs low heart rate, both of which can cause confusion and agitation (I wasn't aware, although I did know about UTIs causing dementia symptoms).

Gran didn't have hallucinations or think people had broken in but before the fall she was very very confused. Would often talk to me about memories as if I were my mum, wouldn't know why I didn't remember childhood friends she was talking about because they were my mum's childhood friends not mine, said she couldn't understand my 7 year olds speech and hopefully he'd start moving into sentences instead of 'toddler babbling' soon (she wasn't being mean, she really thought he was a toddler. My seven year old is about as tall as a 9 year old and speaks as you'd expect for a child his age!)

I absolutely agree with everyone else you should start looking at the possibility of dementia/Alzheimer's etc because when you hear hoofbeats think horse not zebra, but just another line of thought you might want to get checked out as a relatively quick thing to rule out.

Good luck OP, having been through it with my other gran it's a hard one to call in the early days

Totallydefeated · 21/08/2021 00:53

Another one coming on to say get his sodium levels checked out. Low levels can cause delirium and they need righting ASAP to make a full recovery.

Igotdemons · 21/08/2021 01:06

My FIL used to think someone was trying his front door handle, he used to be absolutely adamant! In reality his house had a long, gravelled drive which would make a lot of noise if someone walked down it late at night. He even called the police out over it on one occasion and they called my DH as my FIL was being abusive and they felt my DH being there would calm the situation. He was eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia…

He also used to get a lot of UTI’s which would completely change his personality and he would become a little bit manic with it, so it could be something as simple as that.

Voicefancier · 21/08/2021 01:16

What would concern me most is the insistence that someone had been in when all evidence proves the contrary. When we find something out of place at home, it's easy to think someone else must have been in and moved it, but we have the reasoning power to realise that that won't be the case. People with dementia like illnesses don't seem to be able to rationalise in the same way. My mum insists that peoole come in her house at night. She has little traps set behind each door. But despite none of these traps are triggered, despite the fact there is no break-in, despite the fact the dog doesn't bark, despite the fact nothing is missing, despite the fact I've,stayed over and heard nothing, she still insists it happens and nothing can prove the opposite to her.
Hopefully it will either be some sort of imbalance in the body and it can be sorted; or a one off case.

NotanotherboxofFrogs · 21/08/2021 01:24

Definitely have a good chat with your mum and link in with the GP

Ive had what turned out to be hallucinations as I heard someone in the house, I thought I could hear them breathing in another room. I heard the doors click closed and footsteps too. It was very real. The police were very helpful (101 before anyone gets at me for calling emergency services) and checked the house inside and outside and it was only me there. I was also smelling fish in my bedroom for some reason, that turned out to be an hallucination as well. But when I called the police scared witless I did explain that I wasn't 100% sure if it was real or not. The hallucinations were caused by migraine without the headache.

EKGEMS · 21/08/2021 01:32

I think that your Mom was gone temporarily can be a real trigger for early in the onset of dementia in my experience. It's a change of routine and it becomes obvious how much your mom was helping to c

EKGEMS · 21/08/2021 01:33

Sorry I hit post early-your mom being gone can trigger your Dad because she has been helping him to compensate with early signs of dementia.

StrangerYears · 21/08/2021 04:58

Only a doctor can tell, but hallucinations are one of the delightful features of dementia.
My mother used to think people were outside her window in the middle of the night, banging to come in. One of the callers was a relative who lived on another continent.

www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs

prettymessgosh · 21/08/2021 05:07

Bless him, hope he is okay OP.

Jent13c · 21/08/2021 05:30

I think if it were me I would get him checked out at out of hours tomorrow. It could be an early sign of memory loss but I would want to rule out quite a few things before that, especially if its a new suddent onset confusion.
Is there any chance of infection?
Whats his blood glucose? Is he diabetic?
Passing urine ok? Constipated?
Bloods ok? (Someone previously mentioned sodium levels)
Oxygen saturations ok?

So as you can see some of these things can be pretty serious and acute, I would definitely see if you can get a wee OOH GP appt tomorrow morning if he is still confused tomorrow.

TheWordsmithsApprentice · 21/08/2021 06:08

Someone’s already mentioned it, but I thought an unexplained smell of fish could be linked to electrical problems. Check all the plugs!

Cheeseplantboots · 21/08/2021 06:10

We had a lightbulb burning the plastic surround once and that smelled of fish. It had been fine for years. The smell was driving me bonkers. Electrical smells are often “fishy”.

Original poster

penguinparty00 · 21/08/2021 08:32

Thanks everyone it's been so nice to have such support! I love my dad dearly but he is a stubborn old man this is not going to be an easy job getting him anywhere near the doctors so I'll speak with my mum and try to get something sorted quickly!

OP posts:

userxx · 21/08/2021 08:38

I came on to say UTI.

Rubyupbeat · 21/08/2021 08:44

Quite often urine infections can cause hallucinations. Best get your dad checked out asap.

elfycat · 21/08/2021 08:57

The three options are:

Believe him. None of us know for sure that someone didn't go into the house (though cooking a fish supper seems a bit odd). Have a quick check that nothing is missing. Who has keys to get in? Any chance they could have swung by with a hot fish sandwich in hand? anyone who would want to help themselves to an early inheritance gift?
Get him checked out medically for whatever can cause hallucinations. Nothing wrong with a check up with the GP.
Yes to electricals smelling like fish if something is melting. A check by an electrician might be a good idea.

And you can do all 3. I'd do all 3 and have peace of mind.

CounsellorTroi · 21/08/2021 09:00

Acute depression can also mimic dementia in people your father’s age. When we first took my mum to the doctor when she first started showing symptoms he asked her some questions and put her on anti depressants. She undoubtedly had depression, she had it for a lot of her life. But although the ADs helped with the depression the dementia symptoms remained and she was eventually diagnosed with it.

FlorallyBankrupt · 21/08/2021 09:00

Hmm, yes UTI very possible - my DM asked me where we'd moored the boat when she had one.

But she also had delusions about other people, sadly not very pleasant ones about having been assaulted by new acquaintances she was introduced to.

She was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimers. The GP will probably do memory tests which he might pass, but he might suggest a brain scan?

loobylou10 · 21/08/2021 09:03

We spent weeks (and got a pest controller in) to work out where the squirrels my mum said were in her bedroom we're getting in! Ludicrous now we look back - initial signs of Lewy body dementia.

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