WIBU to message DS using DDs phone?

[rares]

I check DD(12) phone, she knows this and is fine with it.

Earlier, I read a message from DS(22) saying ‘dont tell mum about what I told you last night’, DD replied that she wouldn't. They are close, so I know if I asked her, she wouldn't tell me.

WIBU to message DS, pretending to be DD?

Dont

Yes. You’re not going to encourage your kids to be honest and forthcoming with you by being deceitful yourself. Just ask.

Oh wow. Of course

Yes you would be very unreasonable. You can't be serious, surely?

I would talk to your son directly. I would be concerned about what type of secrets he's expecting his 12 year sister to keep. If he's discussing inappropriate topics with her it needs to be addressed.

To add, of course you don't message him pretending to be your daughter. Come on, be sensible.

Don't.
Seriously.

Please please don't do this. It may damage your relationship with both of them irreparably.

They will never trust you or each other again. Just no. Ask him. Ask her but no. Just no

It can't be that bad if he's telling DD who's only 12 so I'd leave it or ask him directly

You would be massively unreasonable. What are you hoping to achieve?

No, surely you should now approach him direct. He must know you check her phone. It would be really wrong to pretend to be her, and I can't imagine what you would say anyway given she is already meant to know what he'd said.

Please please don’t. It’s a huge betrayal of trust. As your DS directly

You can't pretend to be your Dd, but you should tell your son that he shouldn't be encouraging your DD to keep secrets from you.

Absolutely not. Also, unless it's something illegal or it directly affects you, your son is 21 and an adult so really it's not your business.

Also, unless it's something illegal or it directly affects you, your son is 21 and an adult so really it's not your business.

When it involves the op's 12 year old child it is absolutely her business.

No you approach the son directly. Presumably he knows you check her phone?

Do you feel you son would be involving your 12 year old in something dangerous or damaging?

Because, if not, I would guess its something that you should let be between them.

If you think he would, speak to him. Don't try and get her to break a confidence.

Definitely don't text from her phone pretending to be her, that's a dick move.

In all honesty, I can't imagine thinking I needed to know everything my kids talk about

What would you say in the text?

Absolutely don't do that, they will find out and neither would quite rightly be able to trust you again

@Aquamarine1029

Also, unless it's something illegal or it directly affects you, your son is 21 and an adult so really it's not your business.

When it involves the op's 12 year old child it is absolutely her business.

Not necessarily. If it's "Don't tell mum I've just robbed someone and bought drugs", yes. If it's "Don't tell mum I drank too much and threw up in the bushes ", no.

It could be don't tell mum I've bought her a gift . But if you've reason to think there is something untoward you are going to have to ask him directly. Or ask her what it is about and judge her reaction first.

Not necessarily. If it's "Don't tell mum I've just robbed someone and bought drugs", yes. If it's "Don't tell mum I drank too much and threw up in the bushes ", no.

A 22 year old man should not be telling his 12 year old sibling something this inappropriate, so yes, it would still be the op's business.

Do you have reason to think your son is up to no good ?

@Aquamarine1029

Not necessarily. If it's "Don't tell mum I've just robbed someone and bought drugs", yes. If it's "Don't tell mum I drank too much and threw up in the bushes ", no.

A 22 year old man should not be telling his 12 year old sibling something this inappropriate, so yes, it would still be the op's business.

Please it could be something as simple as he mentioned he had a girlfriend, but doesn't want his mum to know. Because she is quite nosey and gets over involved.