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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My manager won't let me go, please help

102 replies

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 11:34

I’ve started a new job back in may but I don’t drive and it’s just too far from home. I spent a lot of money on transport, I’ve asked to be transferred to their branch that is closer to me, my manager emailed them and they were happy to accept me. My last day at my current job was 1 august, but was asked to stay another 4 weeks because someone quit. I agreed and was happy to help out. It was agreed I would then leave at 1 September, the manager at the other branch want me to start 6 September. I spoke to their manager and he said he’s just waiting to get the transfer form from my current manager and then I’d would ready to start.

Went and spoke to my manager last week, and asked him when he can send the transfer form? He then tells me they’re not ready to let me go yet, I might not be able to start there at 6 September bla bla.

Honestly I’m just tired of it, I told him I’ve helped you guys out and stayed 4 weeks, he lost it and said “don’t think you did us a favour, I don’t have to transfer you”

I don’t know what to do now. I’ve been advised by some of my colleagues to just quit and then apply as a new person at their other branch instead of being transferred? Problem is him and the other manager are good friends, and im scared that when I do quit, he’s just going to tell the other manager not to hire me? What do you think?

OP posts:

JeanneDoe · 20/08/2021 15:19

Could you not learn to drive?

TatianaBis · 20/08/2021 15:24

@JeanneDoe

Could you not learn to drive?

So many MN woes could be solved with this.

Beautiful3 · 20/08/2021 15:52

Congratulations on the job interview! Good luck, I hope you get it. 🍀

Karatema · 20/08/2021 16:13

Congratulations on the interview. As an employer I am not allowed to give a bad reference. I could give a non committal one but not a bad one. Employment laws don't allow it.

Good luck

phishy · 20/08/2021 16:23

That’s great news OP!

Fingers crossed you get the job

phishy · 20/08/2021 16:23

[quote badmanager201]@SchadenfreudePersonified yes I did explain to her on the phone I'm currently working at another care home but want to find something closer to home.

I just don't know if I should warn her at the interview that I've had a few problems with my manager and I don't know if he will give me a good reference before she calls him? Or just not say anything and tell him I found a job closer to home and I'd appreciate if he could give me a good reference?[/quote]
I wouldn’t say anything about the problems. Don’t draw attention to it.

QueenHofScotland · 20/08/2021 16:24

I wouldn’t mention your current manager at the interview at all. No one trusts someone who speaks badly of their current employer at an interview and it could easily come across as this.

If they mention you changing posts so quickly I think it would be ok to mention that you feel bad for moving posts and letting the other care home down. Use it as an opportunity to talk about your loyalty and how you are keen to be settled in a post and build relationships etc

rwalker · 20/08/2021 16:34

It's pretty much standard in my organisation if you want a transfer you get relased when to loosing team has everything sorted .
We had a few transfers offer revoked as they simply didn't work for the business.

You are not doing them any favours . You are doing the job you applied for if anything you've let them down .They recruited and trained you then you decided it's too far away .

Original poster

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 16:35

Thanks everyone. I'll give an update next week when I've been to the interview. I'm really feeling nervous now telling my manager he doesn't have to transfer me and I got another job. I don't know how he will react to this, really nervous.

OP posts:

JacquelineCarlyle · 20/08/2021 16:39

Don't tell him anything until you get the job.

girlmom21 · 20/08/2021 16:43

Congratulations on the interview. When she asks why you're leaving, be completely honest. You were finding the commute too long and offered a transfer which hasn't happened due to circumstances within the business, and it's unsustainable.

He might only confirm your working dates but he can't give you a bad reference. You could ask if you could have a friend or ex-client give a character reference if you can't get a professional one.

Newestname001 · 20/08/2021 16:55

@JacquelineCarlyle

Don't tell him anything until you get the job.

Including an offer in writing. Good luck OP! 🌹

ChicChaos · 20/08/2021 17:45

OP, you're looking way too far ahead here. Wait and see how the interview goes, do not say you are having trouble with your manager or that you might receive a bad reference. Do not tell your manager you have another job until you have received an offer. Just wait and see what happens.

It is quite normal for employers to only confirm dates of employment and job title on references. Employers have to be able to justify what they put on references and yet again, I will say that it is not against the law to give a bad reference - that is absolute rubbish! There is no such law!

QueenBee52 · 20/08/2021 18:04

@badmanager201

good on you 🌸🎉

fruitbrewhaha · 20/08/2021 21:58

I get the impression you look before leaping OP.

You've not had the interview yet. They may or may not offer the job to you. You may or may not want to accept it. You need to weigh up this role properly rather than going in head first and working out it' not right for you later.

It's a common myth that an employer cannot give a bad reference. They can but it has to be accurate and stand up in a tribunal so naturally most businesses will keep quiet. I expect it will come up why you are looking to move so quickly, be honest and say the commute is harder than you thought and that as "a lot of people are leaving there is a bad atmosphere" or something similar.

Good luck for the interview.

Original poster

badmanager201 · 29/08/2021 14:34

So I've been to the job interview on Thursday, they said they'll let me know if I got the job on Tuesday/Wednesday. It's bank holiday tomorrow, so my manager won't be in. Can I email him my one week notice tomorrow or can he say why didn't I wait to see him face to face? I want my last day to be on Monday, the longer I wait the longer I have to work. For example if I wait to see him on Tuesday on hand in my notice, my last working day will be Tuesday and I don't want that.

OP posts:

plodalong12 · 29/08/2021 14:41

@badmanager201

If I’ve understood this correctly…you want to hand in your notice BEFORE you’ve been told whether you got the job or not? If you email in your notice tomorrow and then they contact you on Tuesday and say unfortunately you’ve been unsuccessful, what are you going to do?

ShinyMe · 29/08/2021 14:44

Why on earth would you hand in your notice before you know if you got the job?

Original poster

badmanager201 · 29/08/2021 14:47

Even if I don't get it, I don't want to work here anymore. Im going to look for something else nearby. I can't do this anymore. I know it's my fault for taking the job knowing it's far from home, but I didn't really think of how hard it will be, tube suspensions, long commute after 4 12 hour shifts in a row. It's exhausting and expensive. I was just happy to finally have a job.

OP posts:

plodalong12 · 29/08/2021 14:51

Oh, in that case, if you’re prepared to leave without securing a new job first then just email the notice in. However (someone with more knowledge can confirm or deny this) if he doesn’t actually see the notice tomorrow due to him not being at work and the first he will know about it is Tuesday, I don’t think the Monday would count as part of the notice? Like if you emailed him on Friday evening instead and he didn’t see it until Tuesday, I don’t think you can say “I’ve already given you three days notice”.

poppymaewrite · 29/08/2021 15:44

Bear in mind that as an employee with less than 2 years service, you can be dismissed at any point for any reason. So pressing this issue might cause problems for you. Although it’s possible that if you’re dismissed for trying to enforce your contract, you may be able to sue for automatic unfair dismissal, although not sure. Otherwise:

Cc HR and a Union Rep into the following email.

Dear X,

I am writing to you in relation to my request to transfer to X office in X place.

I made a verbal request to transfer on X date, which you agreed to. This is a legally binding agreement that forms a new contractual term.

On X date, colleague X left their role and I was asked to stay at the office for a further 4 weeks in order to assist. I agreed to this, and therefore the transfer date was pushed forward to X date. This is when the transfer should have taken place.

Following this, you informed me that there was a delay in obtaining the transfer form, but that the transfer should be completed on the 6th of September. However, this transfer has not yet taken place.

I would be grateful if you could ensure that the transfer takes place imminently, as it is now overdue.

Kind regards,

MadeForThis · 29/08/2021 15:53

Good luck

Original poster

badmanager201 · 31/08/2021 23:38

Hey guys, just wanted to come on here to say I got the job! I'm so pleased, I found out today my manager is on holiday and I probably won't see him as I'll be gone when he's back. I've told the nurses and the deputy manager about the notice and they're fine with it. As long as it's in writing it's all that matters.

OP posts:

phishy · 01/09/2021 00:11

Woohoo! That’s great news, OP! So happy for you.

How did you hand in the notice? I would email them too.

JacquelineCarlyle · 01/09/2021 10:04

Congratulations, great news!

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