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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My manager won't let me go, please help

102 replies

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 11:34

I’ve started a new job back in may but I don’t drive and it’s just too far from home. I spent a lot of money on transport, I’ve asked to be transferred to their branch that is closer to me, my manager emailed them and they were happy to accept me. My last day at my current job was 1 august, but was asked to stay another 4 weeks because someone quit. I agreed and was happy to help out. It was agreed I would then leave at 1 September, the manager at the other branch want me to start 6 September. I spoke to their manager and he said he’s just waiting to get the transfer form from my current manager and then I’d would ready to start.

Went and spoke to my manager last week, and asked him when he can send the transfer form? He then tells me they’re not ready to let me go yet, I might not be able to start there at 6 September bla bla.

Honestly I’m just tired of it, I told him I’ve helped you guys out and stayed 4 weeks, he lost it and said “don’t think you did us a favour, I don’t have to transfer you”

I don’t know what to do now. I’ve been advised by some of my colleagues to just quit and then apply as a new person at their other branch instead of being transferred? Problem is him and the other manager are good friends, and im scared that when I do quit, he’s just going to tell the other manager not to hire me? What do you think?

OP posts:

CorrBlimeyGG · 20/08/2021 13:29

HR are there to protect the business, not the worker. They're not going to go out of their way to accommodate someone has worked for them for three months.

WetBench · 20/08/2021 13:32

As sucky as it is, you accepted the job knowing where it was and they are doing you a favour so I think they hold the upper hand sorry.

Staryflight445 · 20/08/2021 13:43

I’d quite snd find something else based on how they treat their staff tbh.

TatianaBis · 20/08/2021 13:44

I think you just have to suck it up be grateful that there’s a. There’s a branch nearer you and b. They’ve agreed to take you.

How long is your commute?

Sittingonabench · 20/08/2021 13:58

I would be putting feelers out for a new job. If you have an offer then it will either expedite your transfer or you may want to move but either way it puts the decision back in your control. If the transfer weren’t on the cards that’s likely what you’d be looking at anyway.

QueenBee52 · 20/08/2021 14:01

Don't resign 🌸

MNmonster · 20/08/2021 14:05

Similar happened to me when moving between departments last year. I was basically very vocal to my previous manager about how unhappy I was, how I might go off sick like everyone else did and how I had my notice letter typed up . I also go in my new managers ear at every opportunity about how much I wanted to move.

Push. Hard. But be prepared to quit sorry OP.

randomlyLostInWales · 20/08/2021 14:05

@CorrBlimeyGG

HR are there to protect the business, not the worker. They're not going to go out of their way to accommodate someone has worked for them for three months.

I wasn't suggesting they'd push a transfer through for the OP but thought they might have an overview of what the mangers long term plans are -is transfer happening and just delayed or not possible at all- though it's certainly possible till forms are signed they may not know anything.

I think she may have to wait till staffing levels at her existing branch improve, which may annoy other manager or mean there's no place when she can move, or start job hunting for something closer.

Blossomtoes · 20/08/2021 14:15

@WestendVBroadway

Surely if the manager at the new branch wants you ASAP, he could have some sway with current boss.

This. Get the new manager to sort it out.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/08/2021 14:17

@emmathedilemma

Why did you take a job that's too far away in the first place? Or did you do it in the hope of a transfer to a closer branch? I can see the Manager's point of view, it takes a lot of time and money to hire people so he's right to be cheesed off that you want to transfer to another branch so quickly.

Perhaps OP had no choice but to accept the post offered.

If you've ever been out of work for any length of time you'll know the pressures, internal and external, which build up - and also that it's a damn sight easier to get a job when you HAVE a job!

OP - I'm sorry, I don't have any practical advice, but I'm totally on your side. People who haven't been in this position have no idea how demoralising being unemployed is.

ejhhhhh · 20/08/2021 14:19

Why is everyone in your current branch leaving? Crap manager maybe? I'd discuss options (preferably in email so you have a record in writing) with your prospective new manager, to see how they feel about a slightly delayed transfer. In that email Id mention again how difficult the travelling is, that you're not sure how long you can do it for, you'd live a firm date soon etc - basically give massive hints that you might resign without actually threatening to resign. I wouldn't go through your current manager in this instance, my guess is they're bricking it now lots of staff are leaving and they're worried they'll be in the firing line for that (possibly quite rightly). See what the new manager says, but if they don't provide an encouraging reply, look for another job that's closer to home. It sounds like you'd be wanting to leave this branch before too long anyway, even without a transfer.

SofiaMichelle · 20/08/2021 14:23

I told him I’ve helped you guys out and stayed 4 weeks, he lost it and said “don’t think you did us a favour, I don’t have to transfer you”

I wouldn't appreciate someone who's only been with the company 3 months taking that tone with me.

Presumably you've been paid all the time you've been doing them a favour....

Tread carefully.

Original poster

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 14:31

I can't believe it!! Last night I applied for a job at a care home in my borough, 20 mins from me. I spent a good few hours on the application and my cv. I applied to have a back up in case the transfer didn't go ahead, I quit and my manager would jeopardise my chances of getting a job at the other branch because his friend is the manager there. I applied and didn't think much of it, they just called me now and asked to come in for an interview next week. oh my gosh, I'm so happy. Now I don't have to chase my manager for a transfer, problem is will he give me a good reference after everything's that's happened? I don't know, that's the only obstacle in my way now 😥

OP posts:

Blossomtoes · 20/08/2021 14:33

I don’t imagine the care home’s doors are being beaten down by applicants @badmanager201. Surely you can get a reference from a previous employer?

sashagabadon · 20/08/2021 14:33

Gotta agree the manager is in the right here. Transfers can be done in the contract but at the employers request not employees. They’ve agreed to a employee request transfer probably at inconvenience to current manager who has spent time and resources training you now to no benefit for his store and you’ve then given the impression you’ve done him the favour. My head would be boiling too but I would do my best to accommodate you as soon as I could release you.
Either be reasonable / flexible on release date or quit?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/08/2021 14:35

If he doesn't give you a good reference he would find it hard to justify when he has insisted on keeping you so long.

Make sure that you explain that one of the things that attracts you to the new job is its proximity to your home, so you can be sure of getting in in time, and if necessary could even walk it if (say) your car broke down or buses were on strike (if this is appropriate, obviously)

Original poster

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 14:39

@Blossomtoes not really. On the application I put his name down for a reference as they want one from the employer. Before my current job, I was a self employed cleaner, and stopped because I was struggling to find regular clients so went out and looked for a job. Before cleaning I was a SAHM for years. So this is my first job in a long time. So he's the only reference I have for an employer.

OP posts:

QueenHofScotland · 20/08/2021 14:39

Really it is your problem and not theirs as you took a role knowing how far travel was. Though I appreciate sometimes we don’t realise until we start.

That said - I assume there is a post available at the other branch, so one of the managers is going to have to recruit regardless. So company wide, it’s a bit of a non issue and your manager is just suiting himself.

But I think you need to tread carefully with your current manager. I would probably be acknowledging that they are helping you out and really appreciate what they have done rather than being difficult.

That said if it drags on then speak to HR?

Original poster

badmanager201 · 20/08/2021 14:41

@SchadenfreudePersonified yes I did explain to her on the phone I'm currently working at another care home but want to find something closer to home.

I just don't know if I should warn her at the interview that I've had a few problems with my manager and I don't know if he will give me a good reference before she calls him? Or just not say anything and tell him I found a job closer to home and I'd appreciate if he could give me a good reference?

OP posts:

JacquelineCarlyle · 20/08/2021 14:42

Good luck with the interview @badmanager201 - could you use any of your previous clients as a reference? They'd be able to confirm you're reliable, hard working, diligent, trustworthy etc so could provide good references.

QueenHofScotland · 20/08/2021 14:43

@badmanager201

oh my gosh, I'm so happy. Now I don't have to chase my manager for a transfer, problem is will he give me a good reference after everything's that's happened? I don't know, that's the only obstacle in my way now 😥

You shouldn’t get a bad reference for asking for a transfer - assuming they have no concerns over your work?

You can also be honest at the interview and say that you took the post because you needed a post, and thought that the travel would be achievable, and you now realise that it’s not sustainable in the longer term both financially or in terms of your time.

PumpkinPie2016 · 20/08/2021 14:44

Well done on getting the interview! Good luck - I hope that you get it

FWIW my mum works in a care home ( a really nice one) and one previously to this. Whenever jobs have been advertised, they have really struggled to recruit.

References -do you have someone else who can provide a second reference? I would go for the interview and if offered the post, speak to the manager, explain the current situation and that you are a bit worried he won't give a good reference but X person can also give one.

When my mum got her current post, she had the same issue with references. One was absolutely fine but the manager of the home she was leaving basically wouldn't give anything other than 'She worked here from X to Y dates with no disciplinary issues' because she was pissed off that my mum was leaving for a more senior post after 7 years my mum got someone else to do a character ref and it was fine.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2021 15:01

Is there any reason for your manager NOT to give you a reference other than wanting to change branches? (i.e. punctuality, sickness etc). If not, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Good luck.

Aprilx · 20/08/2021 15:14

I think you have an almighty cheek to start spouting about what favours you have done the organisation after requesting a transfer after a few weeks of starting. And because you didn’t have the wherewithal to work out what your commute might entail! Trust me, you have done nobody any favours here.

If your paperwork is missing, then I would not be so sure that the transfer has been fully agreed yet anyway.

dustofneptune · 20/08/2021 15:18

Nooo, I wouldn't say anything at all regarding the reference. There's no reason you should get a bad reference for requesting a transfer.

Keep your head down at your current job. Be polite and professional, and agree to a compromise.

Meanwhile, good luck with your interview. Hopefully you'll get the job and can leave your current place!

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