To bail on a friends holiday

[bestwisheskindregards]

I’m currently TTC but have already agreed to go on a long weekend away with friends where there will be lots of drinking and a hot tub.

It’s a little while away still so there’s either a chance that I’ll be a few weeks pregnant or if we’re not successful, it may fall when I’m due to next ovulate.

If I’m only a few weeks pregnant, I don’t know how to avoid making it obvious? If it was just a one evening thing, it would be easier but hard to hide when I’m there for multiple days in a row. I’d have to avoid alcohol and a hot tub.

Or if we’re not successful, is it really sad to bail so that I can stay home and DTD?

I wouldn't cancel a holiday just in case. It took me 9 months to conceive my second and I started to do that but it dragged on me saying no for the best part of year when I could have been having fun. Do not let it take over your life, you would regret that but wouldn't regret a fun holiday with friends if you're felling low

Definitely go. It could take months to conceive so you just need to get on with your life.

Personally, I'd avoid the hot tub but unless actually confirmed pregnant would be happy to drink moderately. Drinking before a missed period is unlikely to have much effect on the baby.

Flagyll is a an antibiotic you absolutely can't drink with , it would be prescribed mostly by a dentist for gum infection .

Don’t be flakey and bail on friends.

Drinking alcohol is optional. Friends who say stuff about others’ choices on booze are rude.

Congratulations! You may not be feeling your best so that may be a reason to pull out as the first tri can be really hard. It’s up to you but you don’t HAVE to hide it it’s not a law. You can tell who you want when you want. I hate the way there is a stigma around pregnancy/miscarriage. It’s not something you have to go through alone or in secret.

Just cancel it OP, doesn’t sound like you will enjoy it anyway, your priorities lie elsewhere now. I fell pregnant quickly with both of my DS’. Hot tubs weren’t a thing then, but I have to be careful with them now, as I have MS and if they are too hot, it can make me feel very faint and make my symptoms worse. Good luck, I hope you fall pregnant very soon

if pregnant...say you are on antibiotics/medication you cant drink on

Yeah, that’ll fool them 😂

My friends would have ALWAYS asked if I was pregnant if I said no to a drink.

So if I was early pregnant I probably wouldn’t have bothered trying to deny it if asked outright and they were close friends but say I didn’t want to discuss it further. I agree with the PP there’s a quite a bit of unnecessary shame and secrecy around miscarriage. When I had one I did actually tell some family had friends because I think we are led to believe it’s not as common as it is, when I fact it happens to loads of couples when they conceive.

Not saying it would happen to you obviously OP I’m just offering my viewpoint. I wouldn’t have concocted a cock and bull drama about a gum infection or a hurt foot, but I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on some fun with my friends either.

I avoided hot tubs/ jacuzzi's when pregnant because of the possibility of infection.

It was a big known No No.

Not for heat, but for infection purposes.

@PixieBigShoes

You're right. Hot tubs are not fine in the first few weeks when the baby's spine is forming.

A hot tub can't do anything to a foetus' spinal development, unless it's hot enough to burn you. Commercial hot tubs aren't even as hot as most peoples baths.

@billy1966

I avoided hot tubs/ jacuzzi's when pregnant because of the possibility of infection.

It was a big known No No.

Not for heat, but for infection purposes.

What sort of infection was the risk supposedly of?

You can't live your life around ttc, it could take a long time.

Don’t go then but don’t expect your money back.

Honest advice is don't over think this and don't put your life on hold. If do get pregnant then cross that bridge when you come to it. Pals will understand. Hot tubs and booze can be avoided. It took me 2.5 years and IVF to conceive and I had the same dilemma you are having with yourself at every social event until I realised it just wasn't going to happen naturally. Waste of energy to worry about something you can't control.

@BeauxRingarde

Urinary infections for sure.

You are depending on them being filtered and cleaned regularly.

Legionaries disease is another one, but less known.

Whilst pregnant it was just one of those things that I remember being advised not to do.

Along with coleslaw that wasn't homemade by me.
Brie made with unpasteurised milk.
Shellfish in case it wasn't cleaned properly.
Rare meat.

Nothing too onerous.

Basically anything that might give you a dicky stomach.

IF you are pregnant by that time… you may be feeling pretty rough and not want to go anyway in which case you just say you are ill (kinda true) and can’t come.

If you are feeling ok and want to go then go, don’t use the hot tub, don’t drink, make up whatever excuse you like. Maybe they will guess you are pregnant, who cares if they do. If you are sadly not pregnant a few months later they will just assume they guessed wrong, no need for announcements. Or decide they ae good enough friends that you won’t mind telling them whatever happens.

I wouldn’t miss a weekend away for TTC purposes, it may not even be your fertile window…

[quote billy1966]@BeauxRingarde

Urinary infections for sure.

You are depending on them being filtered and cleaned regularly.

Legionaries disease is another one, but less known.

Whilst pregnant it was just one of those things that I remember being advised not to do.

Along with coleslaw that wasn't homemade by me.
Brie made with unpasteurised milk.
Shellfish in case it wasn't cleaned properly.
Rare meat.

Nothing too onerous.

Basically anything that might give you a dicky stomach.[/quote]
Urinary infections from a hot tub are extremely unlikely and no particular danger in early pregnancy. I can see one report from the 80's in the US. Pregnancy is what will give you a UTI, not a hot tub.

Legionnaires is also vanishingly unlikely, you're more likely to get it from air conditioning if you were to get it at all, whcih you won't.

Coleslaw is oddly specfic, and the advise on deli meats etc makes little sense when you consider the last outbreaks of listeria have been from salad, fruit, ice cream and butter....no-one is advising to stay away from any of those!

Anything can give you a "dicky stomach", you can't possibly avoid even the main culprits. You should also remember that it's not really any more dangerous to get most things in pregnancy as when not, it's just more uncomfortable.

The salient point is, not many understand the actual risk factors, they just repeat what they've heard or read online as gospel.

20+ years ago when I was pregnant and there wasn't the internet, the nurse in my OB's practice told me this.

I didn't argue, discuss or think that I knew better.

I accepted the information that she was giving, accepting that it was in my unborn childs best interest, so I followed it. 🤷‍♀️

I still wouldn't touch coleslaw/egg mayonnaise/tuna mayonnaise from a deli or supermarket.🤢

while its a long road you are on, at all stages of it, i'd be doing what makes you feel comfortable.

Could DP/DH come and meet you for a quickie whilst you’re away? 😉 😆

If they’re your close friends then you could just tell them if your pregnant! That’s what I’d do.
And if you’re ovulating then you could stop dtd just before you go and as soon as you get back. Definitely don’t cancel for it!

Just to offer an alternative take here, are these close friends/friends you trust? If so, have you considered just being honest with them if you do end up falling pregnant? I had a similar trip away situation with two friends whilst I was trying and had decided that if it did happen, they were the sort of friends I would want as support around me if things didn't work out anyway, so I may as well be honest. (And in fact I knew that one of them had had two miscarriages herself, so would understand the sensitivity.) Appreciate it may not make sense for every set of friends or every set of personal circumstances, but perhaps something to keep in mind?

As it happened, I didn't end up falling pregnant that cycle, or for a good while after - so definitely echoing the advice not to put your life on hold whilst waiting for it to happen!

Life has to carry on when you’re ttc. You booked it for a reason, you want to spend time with your friends!

If you conceive before then play it by ear then, no reason not to go if you’re pregnant and feeling well.

Honestly, you’ll regret cancelling things on an off chance. Try not to obsess, easier said than done I know, but it can be a marathon and things to look forward to are good.

Go. Spend time with friends. When you have a baby it can be so much harder to be an individual with one’s own life. And don’t lie? Just say you’re TTC or that you’re pregnant? I dont get why it needs to be complicated.

Wait till your nearer the time, then if you're pregnant, say you're feeling under the weather and can't make it.