To bail on a friends holiday

[bestwisheskindregards]

I’m currently TTC but have already agreed to go on a long weekend away with friends where there will be lots of drinking and a hot tub.

It’s a little while away still so there’s either a chance that I’ll be a few weeks pregnant or if we’re not successful, it may fall when I’m due to next ovulate.

If I’m only a few weeks pregnant, I don’t know how to avoid making it obvious? If it was just a one evening thing, it would be easier but hard to hide when I’m there for multiple days in a row. I’d have to avoid alcohol and a hot tub.

Or if we’re not successful, is it really sad to bail so that I can stay home and DTD?

Planning things and living life normally is the only way to get through what (can be) the very stressful time of ttc especially if it goes on for years. Have fun with your friends.

My understanding is that hot tubs are advised against, especially during the first 12 weeks and after this it's recommended that if you do go in one you hydrate and limit how long you're in there for due to the possibility of overheating. I've read a bit about it as dps parents have a hot tub that we use occasionally.

Don't worry too much op, see how you go. If you are pregnant you can go and attempt to hide it as best you can, or cancel saying you're sick or something. Personally I wouldn't cancel to ttc, just dtd as much as possible before you go. But if you want to stay home and dtd then of course you can do that.

@bestwisheskindregards

Once pregnant hot tubs are not recommended. To give you two perspectives - my friend came on a girls weekend and told us she was doing an alcohol-free month and then "forgot" her swimwear for hot tub so just dipped her legs in. A few of us wondered if this meant she was pregnant (turned out she was) but no one would ever ask so we just carried on having fun and including her as normal. And as an anecdote- four years ago DH and I went to Budapest on our honeymoon, I spent the whole week drinking, in hot tubs, saunas, ice pools and hot springs - (literally a combination of these every day) as I kept getting bfns every morning. (Periods were always irregular so had to guess when I was "late"). On the last day I took my fifth pregancy test that came up positive. Cue me worrying that I'd doomed our child right from the off... Whilst I did then follow all guidance re hot water and alcohol once I knew I was pregnant DS doesn't seem to have suffered for it!

Women have had babies in countries with 38 degrees weather for years. I just don't know what a hot tub would do that would be bad...

I'd just say my stomach had been acting up re alcohol but I have IBS so it's an excuse for everything.

Everyone querying the hot tub, it is current NHS guidance to avoid them www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/pregnancy/is-it-safe-to-use-a-sauna-or-jacuzzi-if-i-am-pregnant/
Most spas / health clubs have notices up and in their tents and conditions that pregnant women should not use hot tubs, saunas, Jacuzzis. As with most things, guidance is just that, you assess and take your own risks.
Personally, I would plan to go, there's a chance you may not be pregnant at the time. If you are and don't feel conformable disclosing the information, dip your feet in, I found easier to mask drinking rather than using the antibiotic excuse in my early pregnancies. If you really don't know how you'll feel until the actual time, and aren't too bothered about the cost - You could always sadly back out last minute blaming illness?

*Terms and conditions, not tents

@ohidoliketobe a lot of the NHS advice is infuriatingly infantilising to pregnant women.

There are signs up in gyms etc as they obviously don’t want to be liable if you pass out on their premises.

@SmidgenofaPigeon
That's the reason they say to avoid hot baths in early pregnancy. Just google hot baths and spina bifida.

@PixieBigShoes that’s not actual evidence. You can find a study to suggest ANYTHING causes some sort of link to damage in pregnancy. Crock of shit links are everywhere.

Don't put your life on hold to TTC.

if you do get pregnant, don't use the antibiotics excuse, that's such a giveaway!

It can take months or even years to get pregnant

If they’re close friends just tell them you’re TTC so you’re getting your act together with regard to diet etc so you may not bother drinking. Or just have a glass of Prosecco and non alcoholic beers. Would your friends be stunned that you’re ttc? If it’s not a massive shocker then just tell them

I kept putting things off in case I got pregnant. 6 and a half years later with no baby in sight, I regret wasting all that time. Just enjoy your life. You can plan around your pregnancy if and when it happens, not before.

'I'm an idiot, I dropped a wine glass in the kitchen & then stepped on a chunk after I thought I'd swept it all up. It's gross, I've got antibiotics prescribed but it's still weeping & it really hurts. I can't get it wet, which is a right pain actually....'> continue boringly & with occasional made up graphic details depending on audience.

I hate commmunal hot tubs. You could always go along and chat happily by the side of the hot tub, and just explain that you have a thing about them. A friend has one newly installed and keeps taking about a group get together and I’m already working out how to say no without denting her excitement.

IVF clinic told me to avoid hot tubs, not because of fainting, because it can raise your core body temperature too much and this can be harmful to baby, especially in the first 12 weeks, this is also on the NHS website.
As for the other stuff I wouldn't put your life on hold while ttc, I'm glad I didn't because it would have sent me crazy as it took a long time, much longer than anticipated. Go and enjoy your weekend and if you are pregnant cross that bridge when you come to it. Good luck.

[quote PixieBigShoes]@SmidgenofaPigeon
That's the reason they say to avoid hot baths in early pregnancy. Just google hot baths and spina bifida.[/quote]
Cheers, but I'd rather take official NHS advice over some random on mumsnet 🙄

You can get 0% alcohol Prosecco is all the supermarkets (and no alcohol wine) it’s in nice bottles and tastes good. But you can also just accept a glass of alcohol and sip it and tip the rest out when no one is looking.
Tell them you’ve got some nasty veruccas and they’ll be happy you are keeping out of the hot tub!

Quoted wrong post. I meant over @SmidgenofaPigeon and NHS guidance.

I think yabu. If you are pregnant just tell them. Not sure what the secrecy is for. If you're not, staying home to shag is a bit of a shame. You can do it on the Sunday night when you're back? I wouldn't put your life on hold like this as it will prove very stressful.

Cheers, but I'd rather take official NHS advice over some random on mumsnet

NHS says to avoid

But you are overthinking OP

Hot tubs are NOT fine in the early stages of pregnancy OP! Yes they’re okay later but not during the first trimester.

That said, don’t cancel your weekend. If you’re successful in TTC it might be one of your last chances to enjoy a weekend with friends and I’d personally regret cancelling it IMO.

Don't use the antibiotics excuse, because that's pretty fake, plus you can drink with most of them. Go with "I have cystitis" and ain't nobody gonna push a drink on you then.

I wouldn't cancel a weekend with the girls though.

Don’t make up big elaborate lies - the cut foot suggestion is awful. Who does that? Bare faced lying to friends.

Have several friends that just don’t like hot tubs and don’t go in them. No ones business why.