To not want a parent I've never spoken to taking my child out?

[NatashaRf]

Fully expecting MN to tell me I'm way over precious.

Had a text from a parent in DD8s class asking if DD would go to her DDs birthday party.

"Of course" was my knee jerk.

But since then it's transpired that it's not a party as such as a booking for their family plus 2 classmates to go to a high ropes course (half hour drive away) and Pizza Hut.

My DD has ADHD and anxiety and generally situations like that are quite overwhelming and I like to be able to watch her and be there if she gets overwhelmed/panicked.

So I said that sure that's fine I'll drop her off and can sit in the cafe next to the course bit and watch from afar.

That suggestion didn't go down well at all with the mum (whom I've never spoken to before today's messages) She wants to pick DD up, drive to the park, do the activity, lunch and drop her back.

I don't want to have to go into DDs SEN details with a stranger really. But I feel like the level to which I'm not welcome is making me less inclined to say yes. And also I don't know these people at all and not really keen on the idea of DD in a car with them.

Agree with op’s concern, mumsnet always advises women to listen to their gut and pay attention to red flags. Overriding you about bringing your daughter is a red flag. The other parent could be very anxious and finds social interactions difficult, thus wanting to avoid having to talk to you at the handover, but they’ve ignored your statement about your daughters nervousness so I’m not convinced they’d be attuned to any anxiety your daughter might feel.
I understand your concerns about not sharing your child’s diagnosed needs also and you don’t need to, “ no it’s fine, I’ll drop her and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in Starbucks” would be my response.

YANBU. DD is NT and that reply would've got my back up too if for whatever reason I needed to be there. Even if the reason was me being overprotective.

By the sounds of it, you are friendly with other school mums, your daughter has friends and a social life and you do discuss her needs when needed. It's not like it's her only opportunity to socialise or grow her independence.

My main worry with such a dismissive answer would be that she won't acknowledge or be able to meet your DD's needs, which could put them in a situation that is unfair to everyone.

I'd message back and say that DD has ADHD (tbh at this age their daughter probably knows anyways, and by extension so does she) and you need to be nearby , even if you're not involved. If she insists in keeping you out, then you'll just have to decline.

@teaorwine

Agree with op’s concern, mumsnet always advises women to listen to their gut and pay attention to red flags. Overriding you about bringing your daughter is a red flag. The other parent could be very anxious and finds social interactions difficult, thus wanting to avoid having to talk to you at the handover, but they’ve ignored your statement about your daughters nervousness so I’m not convinced they’d be attuned to any anxiety your daughter might feel. I understand your concerns about not sharing your child’s diagnosed needs also and you don’t need to, “ no it’s fine, I’ll drop her and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in Starbucks” would be my response.

This.

My DD is NT so this wouldn't be an issue but if it was me doing the day out I'd just ask you to join us!

I would either explain that she has sens so I'd need to be nearby in case she needs help or to leave. Or the alternative is that she just doesn't go. Talk to your daughter explain the situation and see what she says. She may prefer not to go if you're not there.

"No, we'll take her on our own"

This is a bit odd. Is English their first language op?

@30mph

"No, we'll take her on our own"

Just decline, 'That doesn't work for us, thank you for the invitation, but we are unable to come'

I certainly wouldn't accept someone over riding me like this.

Incredibly rude.

She doesn't get to decide.

Just decline.

I would have read No, we'll take her on our own as a reassurance from the parents, meaning

"It's fine, honestly, there is no need for parents to have to give up half their day taking and fetching their dc. We've booked something that involves travel so we'll own the responsibility of transporting the guests "

         not as any sort of rudeness or the overly dramatic "red flag"

As is often said, no-one can get any intonation from a text though.

I don't understand why, in the first place, you wouldn't have phoned them and had a chat to explain that your dd has special needs, so, if it is alright with them you will bring her and head off to Starbucks so she knows you are nearby and that you won't take long to get there if she gets anxious and they need to call you to come and get her.