How do people afford kids?

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I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

I’ve always been the higher earner. I think I was on about 70k when I had DS and DH was on about 10k. Statutory maternity only but we saved enough beforehand so I could have year off - I remember I had a big spreadsheet of outgoings and we managed to do the year from 20k savings and actually had a fair bit left when I went back.

When I went back to work DS went to nursery 2 days a week and DH went part time. Nursery was really expensive- I think about £800 a month for the two days.

@Marikali

Ahh! Are you kidding? I am on 24k a year give or take, mostly take. I consider myself pretty well off really. I have 3 kids who are incredibly happy. 72k? You are loaded! I think you need to reassess. Also can I encourage you to think of all of the people all over the world who survive on way less and how privileged it is to be worrying about raising kids on 72k. Kids don't need much. Just a loving family, a safe place and freedom to run about. Sorry if I sound judgemental, I am just genuinely shocked.

Practically when they were under school age, how did you pay for childcare if you worked? And if you didn’t work how did you afford to live?

Me and my partner work though earning around 40000 a year, we live in a council home so rent isnt expensive, our car is second hand and basically just careful with our money but still afford to go out for meals ect. Its only generally expensive with the first like new pram, cot, clothes ect but you put all that away for the second though you can pick up cheap baby grows and clothes from charity shops for pennies and if you know someone who knits can save a fortune on baby knitwear. You learn to become savvy with cash amd amaze yourself at the ability to pick up bargains.

@Bunnycat101

You wouldn’t get a holiday club for £25 a day near me let alone nursery. £75 a day would be much more typical before free hours kick in.

My childminder was £36 per full day.

@Marikali

24k would barely even cover the mortgage on my house.

Also can I encourage you to realise that not everyone has the same outgoings as you?

@Itsmeagainandagain

Me and my partner work though earning around 40000 a year, we live in a council home so rent isnt expensive, our car is second hand and basically just careful with our money but still afford to go out for meals ect. Its only generally expensive with the first like new pram, cot, clothes ect but you put all that away for the second though you can pick up cheap baby grows and clothes from charity shops for pennies and if you know someone who knits can save a fortune on baby knitwear. You learn to become savvy with cash amd amaze yourself at the ability to pick up bargains.

Sorry, you're earning 40k and in a council house?!

I'm the higher earner
I went back to work after my enhanced leave ended which was only 20 weeks
You sacrifice all the little luxuries - we can't move house, no holidays, clothes from supermarkets
We took out a 10 year loan with small repayments which we use to pay for childcare so the cost of 3 years childcare is spread over 10 years

We had twins so the cost is frightening but yea you can make it work and it is more than worth it

When I reflect back I honestly dont know how I did it! I worked full time but kindergarten was crippling. I got promotions and budgeted hard. I still didnt earn very much, had no help from my ex and still managed to put my DS through private school and we had a holiday a year.

I can remember feeling it keenly when I just couldnt afford the stuff my friends did.

I suppose you just make it work.

We didnt pay for childcare we both worked 24hr shifts on different days and cared for the kids on the other days. When they were tiny we had even less money but they ate less and we had lots of second hand clothes! We don't drive I guess. I just don't measure success in material wealth.

@Marikali

We didnt pay for childcare we both worked 24hr shifts on different days and cared for the kids on the other days. When they were tiny we had even less money but they ate less and we had lots of second hand clothes! We don't drive I guess. I just don't measure success in material wealth.

What a dig- “material wealth”- a £1600 rent pyment isn’t a Ferrari - easy to say move away but people have jobs and ties to an area.

I think this. I earn £35k a year full time but DH only £21k a year. We have a lot of expendable income a month but it's due to my income really. I worked out we need £6k in savings for me to take 9 months mat leave as DH wont be able to contribute to any shortfall due to me being on mat leave as the money simply isnt there. I will go back 4 days a week. Grandparents have already offered a day a week each. Thinking DH might try and drop a day a week too and then we only need to pay one day nursery fees. The nursery fee part is actually easier than the mat leave part for us so long as I go back at least 4 days

We aren't particularly high earning but we have a joint income of £60k with me (female) being the higger earner. My partner is the one who changes his shifts or takes time off if our son is poorly as I am the more career focused of the two.

Regarding affordability, it's totally dependant on where you live I guess. We are in Cambridgeshire and after mortgage I still have a lot left over. We have naturally economise and looked at excess spending, it also helps that I am too tired to have a night time social life so don't spend money on going out anymore (separate to kid play dates).

I think unless you can afford a nanny it would be unusual for one of you to naturally take a bit of a stop to any career PROGRESSION, so one of you will need to volunteer in my opinion to be the parent on call when at work.

Also, just to add to the above, we have two days a week in childcare from Gparents and work 24 hour shifts to avoid paying for childcare. It's...expensive.

I guess maybe not on average. I have never paid more than £550 rent and that seemed like a push. I guess different people grow up with different expectations and ideas about what is comfortable living. My jaw just dropped a bit when I saw £72k. Puts things into perspective a bit.

@LordOfTheOnionRings

Also, just to add to the above, we have two days a week in childcare from Gparents and work 24 hour shifts to avoid paying for childcare. It's...expensive.

Family help is a huge benefit- better than any salary I would say

A friend and her husband had an au pair. They were both on v high incomes and my friend is very good at stress. Once the 3 children were school age her mum stayed part time instead. The house was quite big as was the garden. Some people just have what it takes!

I get why you're shocked @Marikali , growing up my parents were on the equivalent of about £13k today (self-employed) with debts and poor spending decisions galore but they owned their home outright, my mum was a SAHM and we lived in one of the cheapest parts of the UK so that's how they managed. It was shit though, little surprise I guess that I've decided to go down the direct opposite path.

I want something different for any kids I choose to have...I'm wondering if it's too idealistic of me to want them to grow up and see both parents in a fulfilling career and be near our jobs, friends and DP's family in London. Right now our sky high rent is 34% of our take home pay and this thread has been a great exercise in helping me work out how our finances would be impacted by me going on maternity leave. Thanks to all who are providing examples and advice!

I was the higher earner so insaved like mad for the year before and then switched my mortgage to interest only from when baby was born until she went to school to cover nursery fees.

It wasn't easy but it's doable. The area you live in now most likely won't appeal once you have a baby. I'd suggest you move and get a lower rent or even buy a property.

@GameSetMatch

It’s true, you just cut your cloth accordingly. We used to have fabulous holidays and amazing weekends away now we just go to Centre parcs for a week. I don’t really buy new clothes anymore but don’t go out so no need for fancy new clothes. Meals out tend to be at family pubs and bistros rather than nice restaurants but we don’t each out much so save money there as well.

Centre parcs is expensive!

And it's not a case of cutting your cloth. You can't pull £1600 per month rent / childcare costs out your arse.

Family pubs and bistros indeed

We have done it by getting into debt. It will be paid off eventually but unlikely to be before the youngest starts school.

@crumbsnamechange

My company offers 6 weeks at full pay (which a PP said was the statutory amount - thanks, didn't know that!), plus the next 3 months at half pay and then 21 weeks at Statutory Maternity Pay and the remaining 13 weeks is unpaid leave.

I've no idea if that compares favourably with other maternity packages out there or not but at risk of sounding like a brat, it doesn't sound great. However there's a shared parental leave policy so technically I could continue to work at full pay after e.g. two months while my lower-earning DP takes some longer form of partly-paid leave? Is that how it tends to work?

Think that was me, sorry for confusion. I thought I read that was all you get 6 weeks at around full pay hence me thinking it was SMP. So SMP is 6 weeks at 90% pay and then 33 at around £150 a week I think.

Your package in the grand scheme of things isn’t too bad, some places are a lot worse. I just know the industry standard for where I work (banking) is around 6 months full pay, not sure of your industry, there might be better places around? 🤷‍♀️

I want something different for any kids I choose to have...I'm wondering if it's too idealistic of me to want them to grow up and see both parents in a fulfilling career and be near our jobs, friends and DP's family in London.

The problem is your wages aren't enough for the lifestyle you want. Do bear in mind that location preferences will likely change when you have a baby. Your wages are fine but not if you want to continue to pay £1600 rent and have a child on top of that, something will have to give be it where you live, whether/when you have children or you earn more money.

It's not complicated it just isn't particularly palatable!

I'm in London, full time nursery near me is £1800 a month, you both need to be high earners to afford it, that's the truth.

I have my own business so I work flexible hours but DH earns a good wage.

All you can do is save enough to have rent and extras covered then go back to work quite early and either your DH has time off to look after your baby or you get childcare.

Before I went on maternity I saved about £10k to put towards rent as I didn't get a lot as a small Ltd company.

Ahh! Are you kidding? I am on 24k a year give or take, mostly take. I consider myself pretty well off really. I have 3 kids who are incredibly happy. 72k? You are loaded! I think you need to reassess. Also can I encourage you to think of all of the people all over the world who survive on way less and how privileged it is to be worrying about raising kids on 72k. Kids don't need much. Just a loving family, a safe place and freedom to run about. Sorry if I sound judgemental, I am just genuinely shocked.

I'm shocked you don't see the privilege in not paying for any childcare. We have no family around and my son has high needs autism so need a lot of care. You realise people have different support networks?!

£72k is a Huge amount but it depends what your expectations are and what your expenditure is like
We managed on half that, 2 kids, a mortgage, 1 car, usually a couple of holidays a year it can be done