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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want this girl to babysit

73 replies

Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 15:56

We have a Dd, 3, we haven’t left her to be babysat yet and have been ok with that. We live in a place where we can easily take her out with us if we like and our current social life involves friends with kids too. A neighbour let me know last week that her daughter is now offering babysitting if we’re interested. I said great and we’d let her know in the future when we need someone..left it at that.
She’s since been messaging (the mum) quite a fair bit, stating cheaper prices her daughter will do babysitting for us for and joking that we’ll have to leave her soon as she’ll get to attached and they left her since she was tiny etc.
Feel bad as she’s a lovely girl (17 I think) but when we are ready to get a babysitter, personally I don’t want a young girl with no experience and am happier having an older lady, whose been a mum/grandma etc-it’s just my preference.
Aibu with this and how do I stop her being so pushy 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 15:57

*Who has

OP posts:
SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 16:00

The poor daughter would probably die of shame if she knew about it as well.

How much is a fair bit of messaging? I'd be giving one word or emoji replies tbh - don't give her anything to help continue the conversation. Or you could air her I suppose but that's not going to create the best neighbourly relationship.

SnarkyBag · 18/08/2021 16:00

Just reply “thanks for the reminders but as I’ve said we’ll get in touch if we need her”

passengerjl · 18/08/2021 16:01

God, that sounds annoying. She mentioned it last week and has messaged 'a fair bit' since then? Sod that!

Can you ignore the messages entirely? Or just reply 'we're not looking for a babysitter' every single time?

DingoDollar · 18/08/2021 16:01

@SnarkyBag

Just reply “thanks for the reminders but as I’ve said we’ll get in touch if we need her”
Yup this.
EKGEMS · 18/08/2021 16:01

I'd just say "Listen, we aren't at the stage we are comfortable having a sitter for our child right now so do stop asking you're making me uncomfortable. I wish your daughter the best with her babysitting business."

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:02

@SionnachRua Five messages since-a few sort of including things sort of it a lighthearted way, mainly how sweet our dd is, but then getting onto the topic of her daughter 😬

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 18/08/2021 16:02

Or better still the 👍 only emoji.

custardbear · 18/08/2021 16:04

@SnarkyBag

Just reply “thanks for the reminders but as I’ve said we’ll get in touch if we need her”
Yes this - nice but gets across that she's texting too much Fwiw I wouldn't let a 17 year old ever look after my kids - the youngest I ever hired was one of my kids nursery staff who was about 19-20 ... but qualified
WorraLiberty · 18/08/2021 16:04

I genuinely don't get why you don't just tell her you won't be needing her daughter to babysit?

It couldn't be any more simple.

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:04

I also really don’t want someone very going with no experience babysitting 😬I did it myself from around 15/16 and the parents even used to leave me half a bottle of wine 🙈which I thought was brilliant at the time obviously. Now I just think ‘What’ 😲

OP posts:
SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 16:04

[quote Mammamialetmego]@SionnachRua Five messages since-a few sort of including things sort of it a lighthearted way, mainly how sweet our dd is, but then getting onto the topic of her daughter 😬[/quote]
Ah I see. I'd just say something pleasantly vague like "thanks for all the info" or "that's great to know, thank you" to her messages. One word response works too, keep it to a minimum. Don't respond immediately either, leave it at least a few hours.

SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 16:05

@SnarkyBag

Or better still the 👍 only emoji.
+1 for this! Big fan of that emoji Grin
WorraLiberty · 18/08/2021 16:05

And I disagree with telling her you'll be in touch if you need her because you won't be needing her.

SnarkyBag · 18/08/2021 16:06

The thumbs up emoji really covers every circumstance from “great sorted see you there” to “fuck you” Grin

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:06

@WorraLiberty She’s a neighbour and has always been quite nice, dropping presents for Dd at Christmas etc. She’s a nice lady but quite intense (posts lots of those passive aggressive quotes/memes a lot) she’s nice, but just not my vibe.
She knows we’ll need a babysitter as out of politeness to the first message I said we’ll get in touch when we want to go out..now it’s become really pushy.

OP posts:
Billandben444 · 18/08/2021 16:06

Gosh, she's That Mother! Poor daughter! Agree with sending
"thanks for the reminders but as I’ve said we’ll get in touch if we need her”
and then ignore.

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:07

*very young

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2021 16:08

Time to toughen up a bit, op. Tell her you do not need her daughter's services but if you ever do you'll call her. After that, don't respond to anymore messages regarding babysitting.

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2021 16:09

[quote Mammamialetmego]@WorraLiberty She’s a neighbour and has always been quite nice, dropping presents for Dd at Christmas etc. She’s a nice lady but quite intense (posts lots of those passive aggressive quotes/memes a lot) she’s nice, but just not my vibe.
She knows we’ll need a babysitter as out of politeness to the first message I said we’ll get in touch when we want to go out..now it’s become really pushy.[/quote]
It doesn't matter that she's nice because you telling her you won't be needing her daughter to babysit, is also being nice.

When you do actually want to go out, just tell her you've sorted childcare but thanks anyway.

That's also nice.

Thehop · 18/08/2021 16:10

“Thanks for the reminders, as I said well let you know if ever we need someone.” Is a great response.

And repeat.

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:10

I could just be honest and say although she’s a lovely girl (which she seems to be) is really personally prefer someone older with experience.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/08/2021 16:14

@Mammamialetmego

I could just be honest and say although she’s a lovely girl (which she seems to be) is really personally prefer someone older with experience.
That's more likely to upset her.

Just tell her you don't need a babysitter and then when you do, just tell her you've sorted childcare and thank her anyway.

Seafog · 18/08/2021 16:14

As the parent, you are the one who needs to say no, clearly.

Perhaps, " Hi neighbour, we have been discussing having a night out, and have recognized that we really would feel more comfortable with a sitter that already has years of experience. Thanks so much for the offer of your DD, and your understanding"

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2021 16:15

@Mammamialetmego

I could just be honest and say although she’s a lovely girl (which she seems to be) is really personally prefer someone older with experience.
That's what I would do and actually have done many years ago. I had the same ttpe of neighbour 20 years ago who had a daughter who wanted to babysit. She was young and flakey and there was no chance she was going to mind my children. I simply told the mum she was too inexperienced for my comfort and I wouldn't be using her. If that upset her I didn't care, honestly. I was polite and honest.