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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want this girl to babysit

73 replies

Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 15:56

We have a Dd, 3, we haven’t left her to be babysat yet and have been ok with that. We live in a place where we can easily take her out with us if we like and our current social life involves friends with kids too. A neighbour let me know last week that her daughter is now offering babysitting if we’re interested. I said great and we’d let her know in the future when we need someone..left it at that.
She’s since been messaging (the mum) quite a fair bit, stating cheaper prices her daughter will do babysitting for us for and joking that we’ll have to leave her soon as she’ll get to attached and they left her since she was tiny etc.
Feel bad as she’s a lovely girl (17 I think) but when we are ready to get a babysitter, personally I don’t want a young girl with no experience and am happier having an older lady, whose been a mum/grandma etc-it’s just my preference.
Aibu with this and how do I stop her being so pushy 🙈

OP posts:
Kite22 · 18/08/2021 16:15

Aside from the fact a 17 yr old might have quite a lot of experience (mine did by that age - including full paediatric first aid), actually, the dd of a NDN is an ideal babysitter, as her Mum would be round like a shot, as back up, if ever there were a concern.

However, if you don't want to use her, then don't beat about the bush so much. The Mum is being quite rude (I bet the dd would be very embarrassed if she knew), so I don't see why you have any qualms in saying. "I have already said that I will get in touch if we find we need a sitter at any point"

manhattenrain · 18/08/2021 16:16

I definitely think you're better off with someone who has experience.

Original poster
Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 16:17

@Kite22 Yes, I did think about it being beneficial her mum and house being so close by-neighbour as in round the corner, not right on the street. But then, they could be out or anything. She seems a young 17 too, very sweet but naive, no siblings etc either, so really no experience really with kids

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 18/08/2021 16:19

I'd go with "thanks but we're not interested". And then not reply to further arguments. She seems to take any polite reason as the starting point for a debate.

HumunaHey · 18/08/2021 16:20

@Mammamialetmego

I could just be honest and say although she’s a lovely girl (which she seems to be) is really personally prefer someone older with experience.
I personally wouldnt give an explanation. She seems the type to entangle you in an argument.
Aubree17 · 18/08/2021 16:25

I think I would just ignore.

Notaroadrunner · 18/08/2021 16:27

I don't see the problem having a 17 year old babysitter. Our babysitters (neighbours) would have been 16/17, and dd has also babysat for neighbour when she was 16. We'd be out locally so would have been able to be home in minutes if needed (we were never called). If you did want to go out for dinner or a drink locally I think it's fine to have your 17 year old neighbour babysit. Chances are your dd would be nearly ready for bed anyway.

However what's not ok is her mother hounding you about it. I'd say the poor girl would be mortified if she knew. Just say "we will keep Kate in mind if we ever need a babysitter".

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/08/2021 16:29

I think stuck record and ignore most messages. ‘We will let you know in the future if we need someone’ then if you do go out, perhaps try to get a friend or relative to babysit? This teen will be 19 when your dd is 5 etc…

SandAndSea · 18/08/2021 16:31

Less is more, I think. I wouldn't burn your bridges as you never know what the future might bring.

Cottonheadedninymuggins · 18/08/2021 16:32

@Mammamialetmego

I could just be honest and say although she’s a lovely girl (which she seems to be) is really personally prefer someone older with experience.
Careful incase she offers herself and/or says that she'll sit with her daughter whilst she watches your DD.

Just say your family do all childcare and leave it at that.

ChannelJackieWeaver · 18/08/2021 16:32

I agree with @HumunaHey don't open it up for debate....sounds like she will just respond more about how good her daughter is etc. I think just start ignoring the messages or like a post say will let you know if we need her.

edwinbear · 18/08/2021 16:34

Agree with PP, in a couple of years, when she is 19, your DD is older and you've got used to leaving her with babysitters, you might find you do actually need her one day. I'd reply with 'thanks very much, we don't have any immediate plans that need a babysitter, but we'll keep her in mind when we do'.

ChannelJackieWeaver · 18/08/2021 16:34

*like a pp suggests say will let you know if we need her

billy1966 · 18/08/2021 16:36

@Billandben444

Gosh, she's That Mother! Poor daughter! Agree with sending "thanks for the reminders but as I’ve said we’ll get in touch if we need her” and then ignore.
This, then completely ignore.
SeaShoreGalore · 18/08/2021 16:41

Thumbs up from me.

BoffinMum · 18/08/2021 16:42

If you want an older person, hire an older person. Don't be bullied by this neighbour, just go quiet and don't respond when she suggests it. Ghost her if necessary.

FruHagen · 18/08/2021 16:47

@SnarkyBag

Agreed. It's the Swiss-army knife of Emojis. Great for everything.

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It'll sort the OP's situation right out

👍

Nancydrawn · 18/08/2021 16:50

I agree with PPs. Don't close the door, as you might need her down the line. I would certainly not say the thing about experience, as it invites argument.

There may be a time, for instance, when you just need someone to watch her for an hour during the day for a last-minute appointment. Having a kind 17-year-old around the corner (who you know and can trust as a person, and also has her mother/father as a resource) can be invaluable.

In fact, if she's quite cheap you could also have her over occasionally while you're at home doing things that don't allow you to give your child your full attention. So if you're, I don't know, organizing the loft or something and just want another set of eyes for a very cheap rate, she could actually be incredibly useful.

Which is to say--cut the mother off, not the babysitting avenue. You never know when you might need it.

OldScrappyAndHungry · 18/08/2021 16:51

Nothing wrong with 17 year olds babysitting but I would definitely wait until your DD is older.

We used adults until our DC we’re about 9 or 10 and now use our friend’s 16 year old DS. The kids adore him!

OldScrappyAndHungry · 18/08/2021 16:51

Were

Rannva · 18/08/2021 17:01

I've never had some random stranger's child babysit my kids and I would never consider it.

Neighbour is weird, pushy and sees your kid as a cash cow for her teen. Now she's insulting your parenting and dragging out old tropes about kids 'getting too attached'? Just what you want, some 1960s-style parenting advice.

"Stranger" babysitting surely fell out of fashion some decades ago? No sensible parent leaves their toddlers with village randoms.

Anyhoo, I'd just text her back "we don't need a babysitter at this time" and ignore all further messages. It's a dull enough conversation to have with a pushy mother or aunt, but not one you have to spend any energy on for a batty neighbour.

ShuddaBeenMe · 18/08/2021 17:10

Just reply actually we're sorted on that front now but thanks anyway.

SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 17:10

I agree with not burning too many bridges with the neighbour. You never know, you might need her for emergency childcare or something in the future. Or maybe in a few years you'll feel comfortable with the dd as a sitter. Why close that door when you don't need to?

IamFrozen · 18/08/2021 17:11

Can you be a bit mysterious and say something like:

“For personal reasons we will only be employing babysitters whom we know extremely well and who are DBS checked”

If she asks you about your personal reasons just say you’d rather not discuss it. She’ll have to drop it.

Kite22 · 18/08/2021 17:13

I've never had some random stranger's child babysit my kids and I would never consider it.

I doubt any parent would, but what has that got to do with this thread? Confused