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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t want this girl to babysit

73 replies

Mammamialetmego · 18/08/2021 15:56

We have a Dd, 3, we haven’t left her to be babysat yet and have been ok with that. We live in a place where we can easily take her out with us if we like and our current social life involves friends with kids too. A neighbour let me know last week that her daughter is now offering babysitting if we’re interested. I said great and we’d let her know in the future when we need someone..left it at that.
She’s since been messaging (the mum) quite a fair bit, stating cheaper prices her daughter will do babysitting for us for and joking that we’ll have to leave her soon as she’ll get to attached and they left her since she was tiny etc.
Feel bad as she’s a lovely girl (17 I think) but when we are ready to get a babysitter, personally I don’t want a young girl with no experience and am happier having an older lady, whose been a mum/grandma etc-it’s just my preference.
Aibu with this and how do I stop her being so pushy 🙈

OP posts:

SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 17:15

@IamFrozen

Can you be a bit mysterious and say something like:

“For personal reasons we will only be employing babysitters whom we know extremely well and who are DBS checked”

If she asks you about your personal reasons just say you’d rather not discuss it. She’ll have to drop it.

Oh god no! Give her no reason whatsoever! Then it'll be texts about "oh yes you must get to know DD, how about coffee and cake at ours on Saturday" or "oh DD is so trustworthy, she helps with the church group performances". Or just general offended-ness that her child isn't good enough to look after yours.

Keep it pleasant but keep the message short and give her no reasons - she'll just try to wriggle around them.

imonlyhooman · 18/08/2021 17:20

If she continues to message just say you're aware her daughter is offering the babysitting service but at the moment you don't need one and then grey rock.

shouldistop · 18/08/2021 17:24

I hate it when people say things like "your child will get too attached". How can a small child be too attached to their parents?
Ds1 is 5 and just started school, is extremely confident and sociable. He was never left as a baby, only with grandparents or nursery as a toddler.
He's very attached to us as he should be but he also absolutely loved nursery and skips happily into school.

mam0918 · 18/08/2021 17:27

Just tell her 'no' you dont need to justify it, you dont owe her child a job.

We go out regularly without the kids but they are only left with their grandparents, I have never left them with someone else and my eldest is a teen (except when hes at school but legal requirements and regulations etc...).

I need to feel comfortable that if a building was on fire whoever has my child would be willing to do what I would (run back in and even die to try and save my child) and frankly most baby sisters wouldnt but I know for a fact my mother would because she has done it before.

I have known fully grown women who wouldnt go in to save their own child though (its a situation I have actually seen happen, hense how I know my mother would) nevermind someone elses child so I dont think experiance or having their own kids counts for anything though.

andweallsingalong · 18/08/2021 17:28

I think your mistake was saying we’d let her know in the future when we need someone as it makes it sound like you will use her daughter as soon as you do need someone.

The messages still aren't on, but I can understand mum telling herself that with a little push you'll get over any reservations about leaving your daughter and everyone benefits.

I think either one of the firm messages above or some softened honesty that doesn't leave her trying to tell you how responsible dd is. Don't you have relatives dying to babysit for some one to one time with your DD?

oakleaffy · 18/08/2021 17:29

I had my son babysat for at 4 yrs and it was by 16 yr old boy who did graffiti drawings in pencil that my son thought was great!
But he was never babysat before then by anyone who wasn’t an older parent.

hashbrownsandwich · 18/08/2021 17:32

It would be an outright no from me.

Do you have family around that you could say they're keen to babysit so thanks but no thanks?

Not that you need to give her any excuses. I would just ignore her now.

earthyfire · 18/08/2021 17:37

I agree with not burning too many bridges with the neighbour. I used to babysit my next door neighbours young children when I was about 16. They used to only go for a couple of hours or I'd watch them if they needed to do something short notice. My parents were at home while I babysit so if I needed to I could have reached out to an adult pretty quickly.

Debetswell · 18/08/2021 17:41

Ask for the dd's phone number and message directly.
Explain that you are not looking for a babysitter yet but will be sure to remember her when you are.

Ignore the mum, it's not her that will be babysitting.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/08/2021 17:42

Just tell her you have no need of a babysitter, full stop. Leave the dd out of it completely.

Lovemusic33 · 18/08/2021 17:52

If you don’t want her to baby sit them just tell her.

I never really left mine with anyone because they both have SN’s but I used to baby sit for people when I was a teen, usually with a friend, I was also baby sat by the neighbours teens as a child. I. Guessing if this girl baby sat and there were any issues her mum could come to the rescue if she lives a few doors away? I would have thought most 17 year olds are capable of baby sitting for a few hours, my dd is 17 and would be fine as she has looked after her sister and nieces and nephews, she’s also sensible enough to call someone if there was any issues.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 18/08/2021 18:01

I left a 17 year old with my four, my youngest was only two. They absolutely loved her.

This was when mobile phones were just coming out so I felt quite safe leaving them.

Howshouldibehave · 18/08/2021 18:02

A 17 year old is fine for a babysitter-I babysit from 14. This mother sounds a nightmare though, so I would just thank her and say you’ll let her know if you need someone, and then not reply to any other babysitting comments.

Whatinthelord · 18/08/2021 18:05

I think direct with a little sugar on top is beat…something like “Thanks for the offer but we’re quite lucky that we have friends/grandparents to help when we need childcare, so probably won’t need her services. I’ll recommend her to any friend who ask though (white lie).”

Might be good keeping her as an option for very short baby sitting needs. Eg if you have a dr appointment in the week when little one is usually with you, she could watch them for an hour etc.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her babysitting long periods or evening from how you describe her. My kids were looked after by my cousins 17yr old but she had 5 younger siblings she helps look after (as well as multiple cousins) and is better at dealing with babies and toddlers than most of my adult friends.

EarthSight · 18/08/2021 18:10

God she's a pushy bugger isn't she? That alone would put me off. People like this often try it on with someone they think will bend.

How many times have you said you'll contact her if you need any babysitting services? Two? Three? You shouldn't have to reply to any of her texts now or feel you need to justify your decision. Doing to might just egg her on. You've made it clear. You don't need reminders but she keeps doing it. I would just stop contact with her to be honest and block is necessary - I can't be arsed to be around people who can't take no for an answer. Be prepared though that you'll be made out to be the big bad wolf even though she's the one pushing it.

EarthSight · 18/08/2021 18:12

@shouldistop

I hate it when people say things like "your child will get too attached". How can a small child be too attached to their parents? Ds1 is 5 and just started school, is extremely confident and sociable. He was never left as a baby, only with grandparents or nursery as a toddler. He's very attached to us as he should be but he also absolutely loved nursery and skips happily into school.

Yeah @shouldistop

She's an arse OP. She knows what she's saying about attachment is just bollocks. She putting her daughter's job prospects above the welfare of your child, and that says everything you need to know!

VividImagination · 18/08/2021 18:30

I would just tell her that, at the moment, you enjoy taking your daughter out with you. It’s what most of your friends do and with the way things have been for the last 16 months, it’s a good chance for her to get used to socialising. By the time you want a babysitter she will probably be off to university or have a job.

LittleGwyneth · 18/08/2021 19:13

'And if your DD is still babysitting when our DC are older, we'd be excited to use her. Thanks!'

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/08/2021 19:17

@LittleGwyneth

'And if your DD is still babysitting when our DC are older, we'd be excited to use her. Thanks!'

Why would you say that? She'll just continue to hound op, thinking she's keen (excited, really?!) to use the girl's services at an unspecified time in the future.

cabingirl · 18/08/2021 19:20

You could hire her for an afternoon as a 'mother's helper' for a couple of hours one day.

She looks after DD while you get one with something you've wanted to do in the house etc

You'd get the chance to see how she copes with entertaining and looking after DD.

It's likely that she's finding it hard to get babysitting work with no experience and her mother is trying to help her out by getting her first few jobs.

Also, you can then deal directly with the girl herself - tell her you will text her if you need her again etc.

Antinerak · 18/08/2021 19:27

Tell her you've got it sorted, and ignore.

AnonymousA · 18/08/2021 19:39

Oh God, we had similar neighbours when oldest DC was a baby. They were an older couple with teen/young adult DC. The woman started out being very nice but kept on referring to DH and I being so young (mid 20’s) and giving advice. Then started offering her DD for babysitting as ‘you need a break’ and her DD could do with some extra money. I could hear her DD shouting, swearing and smell her smoking pot in their garden with her mates !

I kept making excuses and in the end said thanks but no thanks as we don’t need a babysitter. They then turned into the neighbours from hell! Blocking our cars in, throwing rubbish over the garden, drilling late at night, playing loud music. They must have thought we’d ‘dissed’ them.

We moved about 6 months later.

Obviously that was no help, sorry.

Clarice99 · 19/08/2021 09:02

@Antinerak

Tell her you've got it sorted, and ignore.

The above is the only response needed.

Heaven knows why people would feel the need to make up stories bullshit about personal reasons, DBS checks, we'll contact if we need her (false hope) blah blah blah.

A straight 'no thanks' leaves no scope for being badgered any further.

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