To desperatly want to own house

[Daisydolly1986]

AIBU to so desperately want home ownership?

We are renting right now, we will only be able to afford shared ownership in the area we live in as it is so expensive and I am a SAHM.

DH wants to stay renting idefinitely, he 'can't be bothered' with the aggro of applying for a mortgage. We someimes are unable to afford the rent, which I have to stump up the additional costs for from savings. Shared ownership will be £600 less per month all in.

AIBU to want to have a stake in a house, even if it is a smaller property than where we rent now? Or is DH being unreasonable for having no drive / desire to improve future prospects, happily chipping away at savings without a care in the world?

He doesn't think about the future, an isn't paying much into a pension, something like £80 per month

How can he afford to pay any more into a pension when you're borrowing from savings just to pay the rent?

I wouldn't want a mortgage if I was the sole income either to be honest. Would you have a way to pay it if something happened to DH where he couldn't work for a while? If you're dipping into your savings every month after going through DH's paycheck surely you need to focus on increasing your income first?

YANBU - is he foreign? Some parts of the world renting a property is inherited by families!
If not cultural, then I would be very very suspicious! 😳🤔

This is all odd....he could pass the check for a mortgage but runs out of money and you have to sub him? Only wants a new build? Do you know reasonably precisely where his money is going?

If he earns enough to be able to get a mortgage in his name only, it makes no sense that he’s short of the rent every month.

What about buying a property in a cheaper part of the country and renting it out to make an income? Then when you are in a position to get a mortgage you sell the rental property and use the profit from that as your deposit.

You are not being unreasonable to want to get on the property ladder.
You are unreasonable to expect to get a mortgage with no job.
If you’re serious about becoming an owner, prove it to your DH, get a job so you can contribute to the mortgage.

Once you become a home owner you will need to have the funds to fix a broken roof tile or a leaking boiler, so it’s important you are financially secure.

It’s similar in my house. DH seems to just be ok with it.
Whilst it is all consuming for me.
Take today, I’ve spent the day clearing my room of junk as I’m convinced we are going to get served notice soon (no evidence to indicate it at all)

I’ve come to the conclusion I need to go back to college and retrain, but my health, my mental health and the fact I need to earn about 100k a year to make it possible are all against me.

I don’t know how you’ve become a SAHM but that’s my only suggestion, be proactive and accept he’s happy with it but your not. So your capable of sorting it, however you are going to need his support in doing that and I don’t know how you overcome that

@Daisydolly1986

I have the deposit and it is my savings we are using to tide us over every month when we go through DH's paycheck.

Doesn't this indicate you that going back to work is essential? As a family, you aren't able to make both ends meet currently.

You won't be able to get a mortgage if you can't pass their affordability checks. This will include reviewing your bank statements. Transferring in chunks of savings to cover rent every month would be massive red flag.

YANBU to want to get on to the property ladder, but you are BU to be 'dipping into saving every month'.

Obviously I don't expect you to tell us what his earnings are, but you say he would pass an 'affordability check' for a mortgage on his own. I realise mortgages are often less money each month than rent, but the 'affordability check' still tends to err on the side of caution.
How is it that you have a negative balance each month ?

If building up a deposit is what you want to do, why don't you go out and do a couple of shifts in the evenings / at weekends?

Why on earth would he only look at new builds ?
Overwhelmingly you pay a premium for a new build.

I also looked at shared ownership, and like a PP it worked out far more expensive than buying on a mortgage.

He's earning enough to pass the affordability check. Do you know his credit rating? He may have soemthing there that will prevent him getting a mortgage at the moment

Because who would be too lazy to do something many people do every day that would save £600 a month?

So you've got a deposit and seemingly could get a mortgage but your husband can't be bothered to fill in a mortgage application even though shared ownership will be £600 less per month all in.. And he can only live in a new build house. Meanwhile you're dipping into your deposit money to pay the more expensive rent. Now I know there are men that lack drive but something is not right here. Has he got other debts that you don't know about or a bad credit rating? I might be tempted to go back to work and get the house in my name only - making sure if it was my money my interest was protected.

If DH can't be bothered with the aggro of applying for a mortgage (which is the least stressful part of buying a house) then he's definitely not going to be bothered about getting a solicitor, organising moving, getting home insurance, remortgaging to a better deal every few years, etc etc. Not to mention home repairs - even in a new build if something breaks you have to get it fixed! Often things go really wrong in new builds but it's not just as easy as ringing up and telling someone - often the developers deny any wrong doing, or the developers refer you to the contractors who refer you to the site owners etc etc. I know someone who moved into a new build last year where they had 'forgotten' to link up several of the waste pipes to anything, so shit was (literally) just floating down the field onto the other houses and the site developer for those houses was a different company so just referred them back and forth to each other!

Basically YANBU to think your DH has to start thinking about the future but unless you are happy to do everything yourself maybe not the best time to think about getting a mortgage.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

If he earns enough to be able to get a mortgage in his name only, it makes no sense that he’s short of the rent every month.

He can get a mortgage on a shared ownership property. EG: affordability of £250,000. Not the full house price of £450,000

He / we can get a mortgage easily if we moved to a different city. knocked the 'new build only' on the head, and looked at what we can actually afford oppossed to what he would actually want.

@Rangoon

So you've got a deposit and seemingly could get a mortgage but your husband can't be bothered to fill in a mortgage application even though shared ownership will be £600 less per month all in.. And he can only live in a new build house. Meanwhile you're dipping into your deposit money to pay the more expensive rent. Now I know there are men that lack drive but something is not right here. Has he got other debts that you don't know about or a bad credit rating? I might be tempted to go back to work and get the house in my name only - making sure if it was my money my interest was protected.

I have considered this. Very selfish I know. But I don't want to go through life this way. Just look at the pandemic, if that happens again in the future, we have nothing to fall back on.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Ugh what is this obsession with new build houses?!

God knows. Tiny little rooms on postage stamp plots and the shine wears off so quickly.

@MrsMoastyToasty

What about buying a property in a cheaper part of the country and renting it out to make an income? Then when you are in a position to get a mortgage you sell the rental property and use the profit from that as your deposit.

It’s virtually impossible to get a BTL mortgage as an FTB at the moment.

If you can afford a £250k shared ownership but not more his salary must be £60k ish? How much is your rent if that’s not covering it?
It sounds like you both need to cut your cloth a bit to be honest.

It's not all sparkly. Each has it's benefits.

I don't think it's just that he can't be bothered woth mortgage application tbh.

I agree eoth others, it's weord that he would pass affordability checks but you need savings to cover rent.

By being a SAHM you are dependant on the breadwinners choices here I’m afraid. You would need to go back to work to really make it a 50/50 financial commitment between the two of you.

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

I was in the position of your husband - sole earner, with my husband wanting me to take on a mortgage.

We are just now going through the process of buying a house but I made it clear it's a two income or nothing plan.

The responsibility of a mortgage is huge, it felt like my husband had all these plans to better ourself but was happy for me to fund it all.

When you earn yourself you see money and future plans differently, as you are paying for them. We are buying a house, but it's based on us both paying in and goals being adjusted according to our means.

This is absolutely it.

shared ownership is not all bad .

plus not all shared ownership are new houses -

My son moved from one shared ownership to another and live in a lovely family home where prices are rising so at least they are gaining part of that increase rather than a landlord and can buy more of the shares when their income improves.

Our rent is £1,800 per month. Yes we 100% need to cut of cloth accordingly.

I thought I'd seen an answer to our situation TBH, saving £600 per month, owningour own home and its a new build. If anything, it me who has more to lose as I am funding it financially. ALL fees' deposit moving costs are being footed by me.

And I know there are additional home ownership costs, but by saving £600 per month, we could buy a new boiler in 3 months ... should it break.

Do you have access to all bank accounts OP?

@HavelockVetinari

Do you have access to all bank accounts OP?

We have a joint account. Plus we each have our own accounts too