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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To desperatly want to own house

76 replies

Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 14:47

AIBU to so desperately want home ownership?

We are renting right now, we will only be able to afford shared ownership in the area we live in as it is so expensive and I am a SAHM.

DH wants to stay renting idefinitely, he 'can't be bothered' with the aggro of applying for a mortgage. We someimes are unable to afford the rent, which I have to stump up the additional costs for from savings. Shared ownership will be £600 less per month all in.

AIBU to want to have a stake in a house, even if it is a smaller property than where we rent now? Or is DH being unreasonable for having no drive / desire to improve future prospects, happily chipping away at savings without a care in the world?

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 16/08/2021 15:51

@Daisydolly1986

I have the deposit and it is my savings we are using to tide us over every month when we go through DH's paycheck.
Having the deposit is irrelevant if you can't afford to live.

Why don't you work?

SmidgenofaPigeon · 16/08/2021 15:52

Deposit is all well and good, if you’re not earning you’re probably not going to pass an affordability check.

Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 15:54

@thisgardenlife

I would feel like you, and do anything to own my own home (with a mortgage, obviously).

I wonder if your DH considered that if he continues with his line of thought throughout his life, (ie so he is still renting when he's old and a pensioner), that he would still have to pay rent out of his old age pension. Whereas if he had bought a house now he would own it outright so no monthly mortgage or rent to pay = more money in hand.

Perhaps point that out to him when the subject comes up? Might be a persuasive argument.

This is where my anxiety comes from. My DH thinks of today, where as I think of the future.
OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 15:55

2 children under 2 and nursery fees would be extortionate. Its the main reason shared ownership was a thought.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 16/08/2021 15:56

Yes, as others say, you may need to work. You're already having to find money to supplement your household income.

I'm a bit concerned that your husband is happy to rent purely because he "can't be bothered" to do the paperwork and legwork for a mortgage though. There are good reasons to choose to rent but I'm not sure that's one of them.

idontknowwhyibother · 16/08/2021 15:57

I wouldn't want a mortgage as the only breadwinner either. Also you say you can't afford the rent some months... how will you afford an mortgage? Hmm It won't be cheap with only him earning.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 16/08/2021 15:57

I’d be slightly suspicious he has a secret debt or some other reason why he doesn’t want to apply for a mortgage though… as it would come out if he did.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 16/08/2021 15:59

Like others have said, if you want to own a house then you need to get a job. I don’t blame your husband for not wanting to get a mortgage if he is the sole earner, it’s a hell of a lot of pressure. Plus, you would struggle to get a mortgage anyway on just one income.

Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 15:59

@catfunk

How is DH planning to pay rent when he retires? Does he have a very good pension? Does he realise that the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get on the ladder as property prices rise ?
He doesn't think about the future, an isn't paying much into a pension, something like £80 per month
OP posts:
OneRingToRuleThemAll · 16/08/2021 16:03

I was in the position of your husband - sole earner, with my husband wanting me to take on a mortgage.

We are just now going through the process of buying a house but I made it clear it's a two income or nothing plan.

The responsibility of a mortgage is huge, it felt like my husband had all these plans to better ourself but was happy for me to fund it all.

When you earn yourself you see money and future plans differently, as you are paying for them. We are buying a house, but it's based on us both paying in and goals being adjusted according to our means.

Mercurial123 · 16/08/2021 16:04

@Daisydolly1986

2 children under 2 and nursery fees would be extortionate. Its the main reason shared ownership was a thought.
Weekend and evening work is an option.
HavelockVetinari · 16/08/2021 16:06

I'd be suspicious TBH - he doesn't want the 'aggro'? Confused

I think he's hiding something - secret debt? Spending on something dodgy like gambling or worse? Modern mortgage applications require you to disclose all your monthly expenditure, is he worried about what you might find out?

Whammyyammy · 16/08/2021 16:07

Buy buy buy
Renting is just paying someone else's mortgage, pay your own. Its cheaper ad you say and have the deposit

Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:07

Lots of good responses on here. Yes, I am being harsh saying he has no desire to better our situation.

I think I will put this to bed until such times that I can be included on a mortgage. Once I am working, we won't be able to go for shared ownership, so we will need to move area. DH will only move into a new build house, which I don't think we will ever afford base on them being over inflated. .... here's my anxiety picking up again !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:08

@Whammyyammy

Buy buy buy Renting is just paying someone else's mortgage, pay your own. Its cheaper ad you say and have the deposit
My thoughts exactly. But if DH isn't on board, we'll be renting.
OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/08/2021 16:09

DH will only move into a new build house

Why? We got so much more house and land for our money by not moving into a new build.

Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:09

@HavelockVetinari

I'd be suspicious TBH - he doesn't want the 'aggro'? Confused

I think he's hiding something - secret debt? Spending on something dodgy like gambling or worse? Modern mortgage applications require you to disclose all your monthly expenditure, is he worried about what you might find out?

The possibility is there. He knows I'd leave him in a heartbeat if that were the case.
OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 16/08/2021 16:10

Ugh what is this obsession with new build houses?!

Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:11

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

DH will only move into a new build house

Why? We got so much more house and land for our money by not moving into a new build.

He's not very hands on with repairs etc. I say not hands on ... will refuse to lift a finger for any house repair.
OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:14

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Ugh what is this obsession with new build houses?!
I know, but he needs to be happy too. If it were all my decision I'd go for an ex council house. Huge rooms, ample parking, wide streets, large gardens ... all the pro's
OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydolly1986 · 16/08/2021 16:16

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Deposit is all well and good, if you’re not earning you’re probably not going to pass an affordability check.
He's earning enough to pass the affordability check.
OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 16/08/2021 16:16

New builds might be a good idea if neither of you is very handy with repairs and DIY.

PattyPan · 16/08/2021 16:17

If he thinks new builds are less work… he is wrong. They usually come with a long list of snags you need to chase up with the builders.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/08/2021 16:18

He's earning enough to pass the affordability check.

So why can you sometimes not afford the rent?

CanofCant · 16/08/2021 16:19

I agree with PattyPan.

If he earns enough to pass the affordability check then how is it that you need to dip into your savings to pay the rent? I'd investigate this before getting a mortgage. YANBU by the way.