To think DH should be helping at least a couple morning per week?

[TiredTiredWithASprinkleOfTired]

DH’s work hours have changed during the 6 weeks holidays, meaning he’s now leaving for work a lot later in the morning, and leaving work much earlier in the afternoon than he usually would.

We have 3DC’s (4, 3 and almost 2) and the youngest has started waking around 5am to start their day, which I’m not going to lie, is exhausting. However, it’s being made worse by the fact I’m getting up with all the dc, while DH is staying in bed until 7:30/8 (sometimes later than that!), then heading off to work, only for him to leave work around 2:45/3, so his time at work is averaging about 5-6 hours at the moment.

Given he’s currently doing much shorter hours, am I being unreasonable to expect him to help out at least one or two mornings per week?

YANBU.

Firstly, you need to stop referring to it as 'helping' - that implies it is morally your responsibility.

Yes, it sounds like you should review the split of child duties in your family.

YANBU

Yes, this is ridiculous. In fact, unless he normally leaves for work before any of your DC are awake in the morning I would expect him to help every morning.... So that you can shower/get up/do a few bits and pieces/lie in! Working does not absolve you from helping if you have 3 very young children!

He should be helping out every morning! Care of 3 preschoolers is harder than 5-6 hour working days. You should be alternating lie ins.

It's not helping, it's doing his fair shate of parenting but yes he should be. You need to discuss a rota of sorts that your both happy with.

YANBU. He either gets up and mucks in, or he takes over from you when he gets home so you get a rest

He should be parenting his children, not helping. Why isn’t he sharing the morning duties, seven days a week.

And yes helping is the wrong word so apologies for using it. He should be sharing the parenting 50/50 when not actually in work.

Yes, DH should be doing more parenting. Including night parenting (5am is still the night), which he could do even if leaving for work earlier.

Your health and wellbeing is as important as his.

Yanbu

Because I'm the SAHP, I view the 'childcare' as my job, while his job is out of the house, so apart from when his hours change during the holidays, I fully expect to be the one getting up with the DC's Monday-Friday, as when it isn't the holidays, dhs hours are a lot longer, meaning he's waking much earlier and getting back home around dinner time - as opposed to the middle of the afternoon.

I feel conflicted about bringing this up with him, as he is still working, but seeing him lay in for several hours after we've all been up for ages is starting to really irritate me!

He needs to get out of bed and look after his children jointly with you. He was there for the sperm donation, he gets to be there for the rest of it too.

During the holidays he is part time and needs to be stepping up. You should have equal leisure time.

How about he takes the day off work and does your "job" for the day and you lay in then go out till 3pm. Maybe he will understand how hard it is and have a bit more respect.

Saying that my DP is the same however I also work full time but still do the lions share.

Ok op I do understand how the duties are split with work/ sahm...but....when is your part time/ annual leave/ day off? When /if you go back to working outside of the home do you get to roll out of bed , see to your own needs and thn dash out the door ? Or more likely you'll be dressing kids , making packed lunches, dropping to childcare.
I don't know your partner and I'm sure he's a very nice man but this was a huge reason why I'm now a single parent.

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Ok op I do understand how the duties are split with work/ sahm...but....when is your part time/ annual leave/ day off? When /if you go back to working outside of the home do you get to roll out of bed , see to your own needs and thn dash out the door ? Or more likely you'll be dressing kids , making packed lunches, dropping to childcare. I don't know your partner and I'm sure he's a very nice man but this was a huge reason why I'm now a single parent.

Yes, the change once I start going back to work is something that's weighed heavily on my mind for a few years now. Not only do I do the vast majority of the childcare, but I do 95% of all the housework and cooking 7 days a week too.

The thought of having to get up in the morning, get three small DC's dressed and dropped off to various different schools, nurseries or childminders, then doing a full days work, picking all DC's up again, getting in, doing dinner, doing bed time then doing housework sounds like a nightmare!

BUT! I am lucky in that DH has realised that when I go back to work, I physically won't be able to do everything on my own, so he's currently in the process of trying to change careers and getting a job that's predominantly work from home, with the view that he'll then do school runs, some light housework through the day etc while I go out to work, then we'll both pitch in of an evening.

All that sounds lovely, but doesn't help me much right now!

Does he do weekends? It makes a difference in my opinion. If he does sat and sun, I think YABU.
If he doesn’t, get him doing both of those days.
Then broach either Monday or Friday so it’s a 3 / 4 split.

. He’s not helping, he’s their father.

Tell him to get up and parent his children. If he doesn’t send them into him once they wake up. See how much he enjoys his lie ins then.

In houses like ours where both parents work outside the home, we tag team in the morning getting kids sorted and ourselves showered and dressed etc. I might give them breakfast and jump in shower then DH will do their teeth or get them dressed and I'll sort lunches/bags. We chip in.

Your 'job' is looking after kids (and home) and his is out of home but you should both still be pitching in until working day/commute starts. That's parenting.

So basically he is lazy!

I am lucky in that DH has realised that when I go back to work, I physically won't be able to do everything on my own, so he's currently in the process of trying to change careers and getting a job that's predominantly work from home, with the view that he'll then do school runs, some light housework through the day etc while I go out to work, then we'll both pitch in of an evening.

I'd hardly call that lazy

Anyway yes he could pitch in the odd morning whilst he's working fewer hours .

So his job is 5-6 hours a day and yours is 24 hours a day?

Yes he should be doing his share.

@CakeandGo

Does he do weekends? It makes a difference in my opinion. If he does sat and sun, I think YABU. If he doesn’t, get him doing both of those days. Then broach either Monday or Friday so it’s a 3 / 4 split.

So of a weekend, Saturday is my 'lay in' day, where I'm usually up around 10, 11 at the latest as I find any later than that means we'll run out of time to go out and do anything with the DC's (it's borderline a military operation getting 3 DC's 4 and under ready to leave the house and go anywhere!). Once I'm up on a Saturday though - if we aren't going out - I'd still say around 70% of the housework falls on me. I'll come down, and DC's breakfast stuff will still be all over the lounge/dining area, all beds will still need to be made etc etc.

Sunday is DH's lay in, and we're lucky to see him before 12, there have been times when he's surfaced at 2pm!!! He'll come down and I'll have stuck a wash on, maybe folded laundry from the day before, done some general tidying - basically not letting the house fall in to chaos as he does!

@twinningatlife

I am lucky in that DH has realised that when I go back to work, I physically won't be able to do everything on my own, so he's currently in the process of trying to change careers and getting a job that's predominantly work from home, with the view that he'll then do school runs, some light housework through the day etc while I go out to work, then we'll both pitch in of an evening.

I'd hardly call that lazy

Anyway yes he could pitch in the odd morning whilst he's working fewer hours .

Of course he’s lazy. He’s lying in bed whilst his wife is up early every day looking after his children on her own.