Was my Sister Insensitive - AIBU?

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I'm having serious marriage and money problem worries. Don't know where I Will live if split is to happen and I am worried sick as I cant afford mortgage etc.
Yesterday I was having a bad day, feeling very panicky and tearful. I asked my sister to meet up with me for a walk.

Sister has been supporting me over the telephone and text for a few months.

I've been particularly stressed out with everything etc.

On our walk my sister had 'a go' at me for not asking how she is. How her house move is going and how my nephews GCSE's had gone and how her holiday went.
In all honesty I didn't even realise results day was Thursday.

I told her I've been extremely stressed out of late and can't seem to focus on things with the worry.

She just continued and said I should ask how she is and that it is bad I didn't even text her to ask. I told her she is being very selfish and insensitive considering the circumstances.

She also said there is nothing more she can advise me if I don't move out.

I was crying my eyes and I felt like I was close to the edge as can't cope no more with criticism. I eventually calmed myself down and we both apologised to each other.

AiBU towards my sister or was she being insensitive and selfish?

Actually no I don’t think she was. Sounds like you’ve got used to her supporting you and have become a little self absorbed in your own worries.

Even when things are getting you down you still should acknowledge that others have lives and ask after them. You may find her support dries up if it’s all about you constantly.

No matter how bad things are, you always ask about the other person it's just polite!

Sounds like you are very self absorbed in your problems. She was possibly feeling worried about exam results etc. It's not hard asking how someone else is, even if you don't really care.

YABU

No I don’t think she’s unreasonable. I understand you’ve it hard but support is a two way thing, you can’t jist take and don’t even ask her how she is

Sorry but how did you miss that it was results week? How could you meet someone and not ask how they are? It does sound like it has all been about you. Unfortunately it sounds like she has had enough and told you.

I agree. I’ve got a friend (like a sister to me) who always complains about what is going on in her life. I realised that she’d sent 20 messages over 2 weeks and hadn’t asked how I am in one of them. That really upset me actually. I know it is hard for you at the moment but you have to ask how people are. And it will have been very hurtful to your sister that you didn’t ask how the GCSE results went.

The thing is that you've said yourself this has been going on months. It's not unreasonable of her to want some interest in her life too now and then.

She sounds like she’s been a great support to you but has reached the end of her tether. To not even ask her how she is. It really wasn’t her who was selfish and insensitive

No matter what goes on on our lives, we can’t just use people we need to treat them with some respect.

Yeah, it sounds like your chats/meetings with your sister are all me, me me. I get things are bad for you right now, but being someone's ear all the time and never getting even the politest enquiry back is eventually going to piss off even the most devoted and understanding sister. She has a life of her own (that you show no interest in), she doesn't exist purely to be a shoulder for you to cry on. YABU.

Sounds like your sister has a lot going on but is still finding time to support you. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her about a house move and nephews results. Results were all over the news or you could’ve messaged before that to say good luck.

Your sister isn’t the one being unreasonable here I’m afraid.

You sound very self absorbed.

You do sound very self absorbed. Your sister has a lot going on too. You should make an effort to support her too.

YABU support is a two way street. GCSE results are a big deal, you should have had that on your radar at least!

So your sister (who your presumably love and care about) has been emotionally supporting you for months and you can’t even be bothered to step away from your own issues for long enough to ask her how she is?

YABU and quite frankly, rude. Be very careful, you are going to drive those around you away if you continue to be so self absorbed

The thing is op, why can’t you see it, why did you need to ask on hwre? She’s clearly been supporting you for a prolonged period and you’ve been using her for support, it seems you’re not willing to make th change required, she’s told you she can’t advise any more if you won’t move out.

To then accuse her of being selfish and insensitive is really quite shocking.

Yes it sounds as though you're taking far more than you're giving. It sounds like she was right.

She was absolutely right to call you on it. It sounds like you’ve got used to offloading onto her and talking only of yourself.

YABU.

My MIL has a friend like this - calls her constantly to moan, but never asks MIL how she is, even when her first granddaughter was born.

No matter how hard things are for you, you can't stop asking/caring about others.

I would be completely pissed off if I was your sister to be honest and I’d have stepped away. It’s awful being drained and getting nothing in return.

My brothers the same. Piles his problems on me but never asks how I am. If he actually asked he'd see I was struggling too. It really hurts.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time though op x

I apologised eventually when I could start thinking straight again. I told her I was sorry.

Make sure she has P plates to alert other drivers that she's new to driving.

Sorry wrong thread