AIBU at husband’s aunt’s comments

[TygerTyger]

Last week saw DH aunt. Obviously haven’t seen her much in the last 18 mths. Is usually antagonistic towards me. This time, seemed ok. After dinner, ‘your hair isn’t as dark’. No, I’m going grey (I’m 49) ‘Can’t you dye it it’s very ageing’ I’m not very grey at all and it’s limited to a slight streak at the back. Replied, not I’ve been told by hairdresser not to touch it. ‘Well it’s ageing’. Next day. ‘Your tummy isn’t too bad you could use those elastic pants or a body girdle’. I’m a size 10, admittedly maybe ooh 6lbs (!) overweight. She always does this. I just said no I’m alright thanks. How can I stop her passing comment on my appearance. She missed the memo that if you’ve got nothing good to say STFU. A quick riposte would be helpful. Each time it takes me by surprise!

It really depends how old she is. My MIL will make personal comments. She is 89. She is very frail and she has lost a lot of her independence. I tend to divert with a compliment e.g. 'MIL, what do you use on your skin, it always looks so healthy and glowing?' or 'Your hair looks lovely in that style'.

For my MIL, it is just an attempt to reclaim some power. She is very proud of her appearance, and I feel it would be cruel to make personal remarks when she is so old and unwell.

However, if she was younger and more able, I would have no hesitation in turning her comments into a joke.

Year's ago my (now ex) SIL was talking about a big family party we were all going to. She looked at me and said, “you should wear high heels as there’ll be some tall people there”

Me being 5’6 the same height as her and sick of her constant snipes replied “will you be wearing makeup as there's bound to be some really pretty women there” and I walked out of the room.

She never made nasty comments again.

Obnoxious woman. I'd say something like, "Hmmm. Do you know what's worse, though? Being brought up so poorly that you lack the social grace to understand that saying such things displays your appalling manners."

Say to her "your skin looks very dry. Do you use moisturiser? Because you should at your age."

Or just do the Mumsnetty thing of calling her out by saying "Did you mean to be so rude?" And add on "being rude and blunt can be a sign of early dementia."

I knew she was going to be the type to get all manipulative and cry. These people dish it out but are always so fragile and can’t take any push back.

Who cares if there’s a fallout? If she’s going to be a shit then that’s on her.

@OoglyMoogly

Year's ago my (now ex) SIL was talking about a big family party we were all going to. She looked at me and said, “you should wear high heels as there’ll be some tall people there”

Me being 5’6 the same height as her and sick of her constant snipes replied “will you be wearing makeup as there's bound to be some really pretty women there” and I walked out of the room.

She never made nasty comments again.

Reading that was joyous!!! Well done!!

Tell her "I can't wait to be old, so I can be rude to people and they'll just think I've lost my marbles"