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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf and SIL

64 replies

AndTime · 15/08/2021 10:29

My new BF of 9 months was invited to my brothers wedding last week, he was also invited to the stag do which he chose not to go to.

He had met my brother and sister in law about 5 times always the four of us. Everyone lives him, we all get on great.

Last night I saw he was talking to my sister in law on messenger and when I asked what about he said he was thanking her for inviting him to the wedding and saying he is looking forward to seeing them both again.

I asked if he had said the same to my brother and he said no.

Now I have met his sister and her partner probably more times but if we attended an event and I felt the need to thank either of them o would thank his sister, not her partner . I don't even have him on social media.

Now my sister in law is very happy with my brother and I know nothing is going on so I don't know why it has made me feel so uneasy.

This morning he has taken his phone into the shower which he never usually does.

So AIBU that it is weird to message my SIL instead of my brother if he wanted to thank them?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/08/2021 10:30

Yes, I think that's odd behaviour, particularly the secrecy.

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 15/08/2021 10:44

Yanbu
That's odd

Candleabra · 15/08/2021 10:54

Very odd. Is he a completely new boyfriend (I mean, was he when you met him 9 months ago)? Or was he already part of a friendship group?

I guess what I'm trying to ask - did your SIL meet your BF for the first time when you started going out with him?

Booboosweet · 15/08/2021 11:00

I don't think it's particularly odd. I think you're overreacting.

Original poster
AndTime · 15/08/2021 11:10

Yes he is a completely new bf none of them met before we started going out.

OP posts:
traintraveller · 15/08/2021 11:10

I don't think it's odd

plodalong12 · 15/08/2021 11:15

Did you actually visually see the message and can confirm that what he told you was the same as what he was messaging, and who he was sending the message to?

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 11:17

I don't think it's odd either

burnoutbabe · 15/08/2021 11:19

Sometimes the "outsiders" bond more than the other half with a sibling.

I know my boyfriend and sister in law do (and she is married to my sister so definitely nothing going on!)

Me and my boyfriends sisters husband often share a joke when all together and the family members are arguing/discussing old rows. As we are both outside of it.

I'd probably (and sexist) thank the lady for an invite when chatting as they are more into that sort of thing than men are.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/08/2021 11:20

Hmm it’s nothing to be alarmed about but it’s definitely something I’d keep an eye on.
I take my phone into the shower to play music. There’s nothing secret or worth hiding on it.
I’d wait and see if his behaviour continues to be strange or if he gets more secretive with his phone.
Would he let you use it to google something?
How does he behave around your SIL?
It could be a bit of a crush that he’s pushing boundaries on. It could be nothing.

My boyfriend cheated on me with my brother’s girlfriend when we were 16/18. I could be just paranoid because of this.

mcmooberry · 15/08/2021 11:25

Maybe she is more active on FB? Is your brother on there?

Shamoo · 15/08/2021 11:30

My wife and SIL message each other more than my wife messages my brother, despite them knowing each other far less time. It hasn’t occurred to me that I should be concerned about that. Like a PP said; I think it’s just that they are both outside the family so it helps them bond.

Original poster
AndTime · 15/08/2021 11:36

I didn't see the message no.

I don't think there is anything going on I just felt it was strange.

None of my sisters partners would message SIL so it seems off to me.

He freely admits it wouldn't be ok for me to message his sisters partner.

OP posts:
DeflatedGinDrinker · 15/08/2021 11:38

Yanbu. I'd think something did go on or they have history.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 15/08/2021 11:39

Or at the least he is hoping something will go on.

Original poster
AndTime · 15/08/2021 11:39

Yes my brother is equally active on social media and they all like each other's posts etc.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 15/08/2021 11:39

* He freely admits it wouldn't be ok for me to message his sisters partner.*

^He is a hypocrite. The shower and phone comment makes me think he is hiding something.

CommanderBurnham · 15/08/2021 11:39

I'd say trust your instinct. Keep an very close eye bit don't let on. You can't accuse without concrete proof.

Goodthings · 15/08/2021 11:40

Weird.

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 11:41

If it feels off... then it feels off ..

Trust your instincts always ... 🌸

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 15/08/2021 11:42

I would think he fancies her

PomPomSugar · 15/08/2021 11:42

It could be because he sees her as more in control/the organiser of the guest list of the wedding?

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 11:48

@PomPomSugar

It could be because he sees her as more in control/the organiser of the guest list of the wedding?

that's not a reason

WTF475878237NC · 15/08/2021 11:49

He fancies her. The men I know aren't usually bothered to thank hosts like this.

pinkyredrose · 15/08/2021 11:50

He freely admits it wouldn't be ok for me to message his sisters partner

Why does he think this?