Bf and SIL

[AndTime]

My new BF of 9 months was invited to my brothers wedding last week, he was also invited to the stag do which he chose not to go to.

He had met my brother and sister in law about 5 times always the four of us. Everyone lives him, we all get on great.

Last night I saw he was talking to my sister in law on messenger and when I asked what about he said he was thanking her for inviting him to the wedding and saying he is looking forward to seeing them both again.

I asked if he had said the same to my brother and he said no.

Now I have met his sister and her partner probably more times but if we attended an event and I felt the need to thank either of them o would thank his sister, not her partner . I don't even have him on social media.

Now my sister in law is very happy with my brother and I know nothing is going on so I don't know why it has made me feel so uneasy.

This morning he has taken his phone into the shower which he never usually does.

So AIBU that it is weird to message my SIL instead of my brother if he wanted to thank them?

@burnoutbabe

Sometimes the "outsiders" bond more than the other half with a sibling.

I know my boyfriend and sister in law do (and she is married to my sister so definitely nothing going on!)

Me and my boyfriends sisters husband often share a joke when all together and the family members are arguing/discussing old rows. As we are both outside of it.

I'd probably (and sexist) thank the lady for an invite when chatting as they are more into that sort of thing than men are.

This was my thought as well (on outsiders bonding more)

I'd say he either finds it easier to speak with your SIL as they're both "outsiders" coming in, or perhaps he just doesnt really like your brother very much.

Or perhaps he assumed the bride did the planning of the wedding and sorted invitations etc and so thanked her instead of your brother?

Lots of innocent explanations I think BUT in saying that I do think you have to trust your gut feeling especially in a new relationship.

Its possible that maybe he fancies her a bit?but I doubt it would be reciprocated by your SIL. Or maybe he is messaging someone else altogether?

He probably doesn’t like your brother as much, seeing as he didn’t go on his stag either.

@AndTime

I don't know for sure but I asked who he was talking to and that's who he said he was talking to and what he said they were saying.

So it may not have been SIL that he was talking to?

@SheABitSpicyToday

He probably doesn’t like your brother as much, seeing as he didn’t go on his stag either.

I think this is an interesting part of it. To not want to make the effort to go to the brother’s stag do but making an effort to privately message the bride for inviting him to the wedding.

@AndTime

I didn't see the message no.

I don't think there is anything going on I just felt it was strange.

None of my sisters partners would message SIL so it seems off to me.

He freely admits it wouldn't be ok for me to message his sisters partner.

'He freely admits it wouldn't be ok...etc'

How do you know that? Have you already discussed this with him? It's not something that would come up in everyday conversation.

It didn't occur to me that he might not like my brother. He says he likes them both and they are both genuinely lovely people. Probably the nicest couple I know. That's interesting!

Yes we have discussed it, when I asked who he was talking to last night. I said it was a little weird to thank SIL and not my brother and used the comparison of his brother in law and sister and he said well yes he didn't see it that way but his sister would probably think it strange too.

I just wondered if anyone else thought it weird because he seemed to think that he was just being nice but.

Right. FWIW my money would be on the possibility that they just get on very well and have become friends.

They definitely haven't become friends, they haven't spoke to each other for more than 5 mins at a time on a handful of occasions. It's always been group occasions so not much change for getting to know each other. He was literally invited as my plus one. They let really like him because he makes me happy and they hated my ex.

They may well become friends and that's fine, I love SIL (and my brother obviously) we would socialise with them more but there have been so many lock downs and restrictions.

Anyway seems it's something and nothing a lot of people would think nothing of it so I will put it out of my mind.

I would think it wasn't SIL he was messaging.

It's most likely innocent but could you ask SIL about it, obviously she's not up to something but worse case scenario is he fancies her and was fishing.
At least she could put your mind at ease.

Have you mentioned it to your SIL, OP, and asked her what the messages were about?

I wouldn't want to ask SIL and make it uncomfortable for us to all socialise if there was nothing in it, which a lot of people here think it is normal.

I also wouldn't want her to think I was doubting her because I'm absolutely not. Her and my brother are solid.

Possibly not SIL he was messaging? Maybe he made that up when you asked. Might explain taking phone into the shower.

All the best op