To feel disgusted at baby’s uncle?

[Sheerdetermination]

My (drunk) bil burst into the bedroom last night, switching the light on, in order to shout at my dp (his brother) about some keys he couldn’t find. He needed the keys to go to his bedroom in another part of the apartment building.
We are staying at his dad’s apartment.
My baby (who sleeps with us) was woken up and was then awake for 1.5 hours, and today we’re both exhausted.
DP was tipsy and no help at the time.
This morning, I thought by bil would be embarrassed and apologetic. He was neither. Just have a half-hearted apology. Sleep-deprived, upset and angry, I lost my rag and called him a loser. All feels very horrible. But what uncle behaves like that? And how wrong of them both to be drunk- who would have looked after baby if I became ill or something?
AIBU?

I think if he’d been sober himself, he’d have bundled his brother out of the room and sorted out the nonsense in another room. As it was, he lay there arguing with his bil about the stupid keys.
Good advice about getting out for some fresh air. I agree my perspective is probably out of kilter from tiredness (I haven’t had an unbroken night’s sleep for a year, which is partly why I am so upset) - which is why I thought I’d see what the collective brain of mumsnet thought.
Bil now allowing pipe smoke to waft into bedroom (from balcony) as baby sleeps because he knows I do t want that. So he’s definitely a prat.

Uncle was unreasonable to wake you up drunk and disturb the baby, I'm assuming he's young /has no kids. I'd be mildly annoyed at the time but you only lost an hour and a half sleep, leave baby with them and go for a nap.
I think you're being harsh on your h though. Are neither of you ever allowed a drink in case something happens to the other? It's going to be a long 18 years or so. Was dh aware that this was your expectation before having a child with you? Will neither of you ever be allowed a night away? How do 1 parent families manage this?

Ironically holidays can actually be more stressful than relaxing, especially if you're generally highly strung in nature. Of course an over-tired baby doesn't help but I can't imagine anyone is feeling particularly jolly this morning.

@SheABitSpicyToday

And how wrong of them both to be drunk- who would have looked after baby if I became ill or something?

I don’t really get this. Are neither of you ever allowed to get drunk again?

Ideally, neither parent would be drunk whilst in charge of a baby or child. Mumsnetters seem to be very lax on this.

Agree that holidays can be more stressful than relaxing. My parents always fell out on holiday when I was a child. I’m not highly strung though.
By the way, bil is 50 years old!

@SheABitSpicyToday I totally agree

There's nothing wrong with you being the only sober person there.

Your DP was hanging out with his brother on holiday and had a few too many beers. Annoying? Sure, but hardly dangerous or disgusting or worth anything more than a "you woke me up last night you idiot - tomorrow it's my turn to lie in and you can deal with the baby".

I don't see what it is that your DP "failed to protect you from" - you weren't in any danger!

So you're all in a strange building. BIL, after a few drinks, needed some keys that he couldn't find?

Of course ideally he'd have knocked and spoken quietly to DH, but it's a momentary annoyance, nothing to be a big drama.

You complain the apology was half hearted, what kind of a apology did you want?

Oh I’m rubbish at mumsnet. Meant to say I agree with @DoingItMyself

Well, now you know. Your DH reverts to being a kid when with his family.

When yiou get hme tell him, nerver again. You will never agree to go to his family for a holiday again. It is no holiday for you.

Then discuss why you are so sleep deprived and get him to step up as a dad at home too!

If you remain pissed off after a walk and you can go home today, go, with or without him!

@DoingItMyself not that’s so OTT. I’ll let my husband know neither rod celebrating our birthdays this year then because we will have a newborn. Ridiculous.

Sleep-deprived, upset and angry, I lost my rag and called him a loser.

I think that’s a total overreaction.

Both of them had a few drinks on holiday, that is fine. Are you seriously saying you think only one of them should have drunk, in case you happened to become spontaneously ill? So, your house needs a sober person and a ‘spare’ sober person at all times?

What if BOTH the sober person and spare sober person spontaneously became ill at the same tome-have you considered that eventuality?

He just accidentally woke up the baby. It's not the crime of the century.

This is all a bit ott for a one-off on holiday to be honest.

I dont think them having a drink is the issue, however I would be furious if my BIL burst into my bedroom at whatever hour, pissed up, starting an argument with my partner. even if he hadnt woken the baby up, that's really not acceptable. what if you hadnt been dressed etc. it's just really disrespectful and not appropriate.

I would have been furious with anyone who woke my baby when I was in the baby stage. I’d be waking BIL up bright and early for the next couple of mornings.

Right, he was drunk, accidentally woke up the baby, then apologised the next day.
Yes, its annoying but move on.
I find it odd that you've referred to him as the Baby's Uncle, yes he is, but he doesn't always have to be in Uncle mode.

I’m annoyed with dp for failing to protect us from all this

Calm down Princess, nothing actually happened other than you and baby were woken up.

I appreciate that was annoying but you're really making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Just go for a walk and calm down.

@Sheerdetermination

Oops - I’m above post I meant to say I don’t expect bil to be sober (just not an absolute unapologetic idiot); but I’m annoyed with dp for failing to protect us from all this due to how own drunkenness. Ugh.

Your husband being sober would not have prevented BiL bursting drunkenly into the room though, would it?

I think you are feeling understandably tired & grumpy, & looking to lay blame at DH's feet. He had a drink with his brother - big deal, move on ...

@idontlikealdi

And why on earth should you brother in law say sober in case you became ill? You sound very precious.

Yeah, sorry, you do. It isn't up to your BIL to be sober.

Leave the baby with its dad and go out for a quiet walk and coffee alone, he gets to parent today

Why do people always think leaving a baby with a feckless parent is the answer?

What class are you so we can make a moral judgement?

Such drama over something so minor.

Right, he was drunk, accidentally woke up the baby, then apologised the next day.

And you called him a loser. I'd be pissed off if I were him.

sounds like you are having to be the grownup around your partner and brother in law. if its a one off I would let it go but of its a habit, then its time for some boundaries.