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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Court ordered supervised contact.

119 replies

Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 15:49

Forgive me if this is a stupid question. I would put this in legal but won't get much traction. If a court order states that there is to be interim supervised contact in a contact centre, that doesn't mean that contact can take then take place outside the contact centre in the park outside??... Dd has supervised contact in a contact centre with violent, abusive father.. She became very ill after the last session as she was taken to a dirty park outside the centre.. She's approaching her next session and I have asked the centre supervisor to kindly not take her outside to the park as she's only just got better.. He's now asked for her doctors note.. Given the bastard doesn't know where we live, I have said that I cannot source redacted information at such short notice.
Am I being unreasonable? The court order states the contact is to take place in the contact centre. Not in the community. I said the only reason I hadn't said anything about the park is because DD enjoyed it, however I had to take several days off work to look after Dd when she was ill and don't want her going to a dirty park.

OP posts:

Cleverpolly3 · 16/08/2021 11:48

@lunar1

It's shocking that so many people think that this man should be given any kind of leeway.

The op fled her home, with no time to prepare and had to leave the area and any support network to keep herself and her child safe.

He has committed horrific domestic abuse and child abuse. The op's Dd would likely be taken away from her if she were to go back to this man, the contact centre with rules for the op and her child's safety has been allowed by the judge. Trips to the park were not agreed and should not happen again. The contact centre can't go against the current order.

I wonder how far an abuser has to go before everyone agrees they no longer have any rights.

👏🏻

Spot on
I also wonder this too

Sportysporty · 16/08/2021 11:50

@Pebbledashery - im glad you've posted and can see it's helped you work through what are the 'important' things to challenge.

I have no advice just admiration and a hope that you and your daughter will stay safe and build a life away from this abusive man.

Maskedrevenger · 16/08/2021 12:00

I work in a social work building used for contact. A parent having supervised contact here would be able to go to a public park or out for a walk with a buggy with the child as long as the Social Worker accompanied them at all times. The RP would be asked to leave a coat / buggy whatever would be required.
A parent would only be allowed to be on their own with a child if it was a supported contact, that would be regardless of if it were indoors or outside.

NeverButterkist · 16/08/2021 12:00

Was your ex and DD supervised when they were in the park?

My DD's ex sees their LO at a contact centre. The supervisor asked my DD if she would agree to ex taking their LO to the park during their contact time but he would be unsupervised. My DD said that the court has ordered supervised contact for a reason therefore she doesn't agree to him having unsupervised contact under any circumstances.

If the situation is the same for you you can say no too.

Cleverpolly3 · 16/08/2021 12:05

@Maskedrevenger

I work in a social work building used for contact. A parent having supervised contact here would be able to go to a public park or out for a walk with a buggy with the child as long as the Social Worker accompanied them at all times. The RP would be asked to leave a coat / buggy whatever would be required. A parent would only be allowed to be on their own with a child if it was a supported contact, that would be regardless of if it were indoors or outside.

If a judge ordered contact to remain inside a contact centre then if a social worker does this technically they have broken the order.

On what basis would that judgement be made anyway? Is it even discussed in advance?

There are a whole new set of risks that come with strolling along outside with someone that don’t necessarily present themselves than in a secure building.

RedHelenB · 16/08/2021 12:07

Was the SW/centre staff at the park with your dd?. If they weren't then that becomes a very different scenario.

Maskedrevenger · 16/08/2021 12:19

Cleverpolly3 I am not saying that a court order insisting the contact remains in the centre would not exist, it is just not something that I have experienced with the many families that we see. It would obviously be part of the Child’s Plan and agreed by the professionals involved, unfortunately mum might not always agree with what has been decided. Perhaps it varies in different parts of the UK? If indeed the order specified contact centre only then of course a social worker would not be able to over ride that order.

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 16/08/2021 12:21

To clarify. He was allowed to take her to the park unsupervised. The park is outside the centre. The supervisor sat inside watching them from reception. They were at the park for about 15 minutes. The park faces the car park also so had I been waiting in my car I would've seen them. I always wait in the centre as I don't want to feel like I'm leaving her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 16/08/2021 12:23

When I questioned the social worker/contact supervisor about it, she said that it's part of the contact facilitation they offer when people use their contact centre and they are only allowing a few minutes at a time at the park. She said to me it's not fair to keep DD couped up inside when it's a hot day especially and they have use of "a beautiful park" it's definitely not beautiful. I've asked my solicitor this morning to send a polite letter reiterating the terms of the court order and that either side are not to deviate from it.

OP posts:

DaisyDaisyMae · 16/08/2021 12:28

Contact should abide by court ruling. Get in touch with her social worker.She should sort it out. Good luck

Ohpulltheotherone · 16/08/2021 12:33

OP it breaks my heart that women are subjected to this.

This man has abused you and abused his child.

There is a very strict court order in place. The contact centre have breached it.

Whoever runs that centre should be ashamed of themselves.

Supervised contact is not ordered for no sodding reason. A woman is not forced to go into hiding with her child for no reason.
This man is a danger. A judge has decreed that he is NOT allowed unsupervised contact and is NOT allowed out of the centre.
And they’ve gone against both of those things - oh she was watching from reception was she? Fuck load of good that would do if he decided to bundle her into a waiting car or god forbid hurt her.

Let’s not be mistaken - these men are fucking evil and OP I would be as angry and upset as you are. The contact centre are failing your daughter.

Solicitor letter ASAP.

Good luck OP, I hope he doesn’t get any contact - but if he does then I pray it’s supervised and as soon as she is old enough to have her wishes considered that she tells the court she doesn’t want contact.

That or hopefully he gets mowed down by a bus.

For anyone who says “oh but he’s her dad” - no. You lose your rights to be a parent the minute you decide it’s ok to abuse your child.

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 16/08/2021 12:41

This is the second time he's been allowed to the park, the first time was supervised for a few minutes. Then she was taken unsupervised but apparently in their mind still supervised as she was sitting in reception watching them.
I kicked up a huge fuss but then got made to look unreasonable.. This last session I put my foot down and said i don't give my permission for her to go to the park.. She spoke to me about it and said as above re their contact centre. I said if he wishes to get the order varied and ask for a recital that extends contact to the park then that's up to him, but until then I don't give my permission and if you're allowing him to take her outside then you're doing so against my permission.

OP posts:

FelicityPike · 16/08/2021 14:14

That’s horrific. The contact centre aren’t keeping your daughter safe! They are completely disregarding the court order.
I’d be kicking up a helluva fuss @Pebbledashery

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 16/08/2021 19:28

I don't know what else to do except wait it out.. I'm hopeful the section 7 will turn things around a bit..

OP posts:

Erwhatno · 20/08/2021 14:05

Hugs op x

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 20/08/2021 14:32

Thank you. X
Just a bit of a worrying time. His latest complaint is that he doesn't want cafcass or the local authority to do the section 7.

OP posts:

MrsCalypsoGrant · 20/08/2021 14:53

@Pebbledashery I'm sorry I have nothing useful to add but just wanted to send you & your daughter my support & best regards.

@lunar1 Well said 👏🏻

lunar1 · 21/08/2021 08:28

Who does he think should do it? His mate from down the pub 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 21/08/2021 11:57

Well. Is it not completely unfair if it is an independent social worker of his solicitors instructions.. I would've thought an isw only did the section 7 if cafcass and the local authority didn't have the remit to.

OP posts:

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