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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Court ordered supervised contact.

119 replies

Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 15:49

Forgive me if this is a stupid question. I would put this in legal but won't get much traction. If a court order states that there is to be interim supervised contact in a contact centre, that doesn't mean that contact can take then take place outside the contact centre in the park outside??... Dd has supervised contact in a contact centre with violent, abusive father.. She became very ill after the last session as she was taken to a dirty park outside the centre.. She's approaching her next session and I have asked the centre supervisor to kindly not take her outside to the park as she's only just got better.. He's now asked for her doctors note.. Given the bastard doesn't know where we live, I have said that I cannot source redacted information at such short notice.
Am I being unreasonable? The court order states the contact is to take place in the contact centre. Not in the community. I said the only reason I hadn't said anything about the park is because DD enjoyed it, however I had to take several days off work to look after Dd when she was ill and don't want her going to a dirty park.

OP posts:
Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 18:05

I don't anything about your past history of abuse and I'm very sorry you went through that.

I see that you have not pursued the point about the park and I think that is the right decision. If you believe he has been allowed to break the court order, you're definitely right to complain about it.

I would just say that you are in the middle of a court case and it's best not to assume how it's going to turn out. Your allegation about the patk made you sound unreasonable and I would have sided with your husband. This is not what you want to happen, even at this last stage when you are convinced he will soon be out of her life. Play the long game and give no one the chance to question what you're saying. One question can soon lead to two. Good luck.

Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 18:09

Eralos

"You don’t get sick from not wearing a coat, sicknesses like colds are viruses so how can not wearing a coat cause a virus?”

True, but being cold makes you more open to picking up a virus. Hence more people are ill from flu etc in the winter.

NinaBallerinaShoes · 14/08/2021 18:11

I would definitely complain about this. If he is allowed to take her to the park, who is going to stop him taking her to his house? He has probably convinced the supervisors that he’s an ok guy. Typical of an abuser. Put a stop to this now.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 18:24

@Earlydancing

I don't anything about your past history of abuse and I'm very sorry you went through that.

I see that you have not pursued the point about the park and I think that is the right decision. If you believe he has been allowed to break the court order, you're definitely right to complain about it.

I would just say that you are in the middle of a court case and it's best not to assume how it's going to turn out. Your allegation about the patk made you sound unreasonable and I would have sided with your husband. This is not what you want to happen, even at this last stage when you are convinced he will soon be out of her life. Play the long game and give no one the chance to question what you're saying. One question can soon lead to two. Good luck.

He's not my husband. And you clearly don't have a clue about our past history. You should look at my previous multiple threads.
OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 14/08/2021 18:25

You can't give the doctors note as it will have his name & address.
Ignore the demand,
refuse her exit from the centre
leave warm clothes.
If it happens again, you stop the contact centre./make a formal complaint/ denounce the SW involved.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 14/08/2021 18:26

@Earlydancing

Eralos

"You don’t get sick from not wearing a coat, sicknesses like colds are viruses so how can not wearing a coat cause a virus?”

True, but being cold makes you more open to picking up a virus. Hence more people are ill from flu etc in the winter.

The reason for more illness in the winter is due to people being in enclosed spaces more, as well as viruses thriving in colder weather.

It would still require contact with the virus though, so not having a coat really doesn't make a big difference.

Also do we have a timeline on this? As it's currently summer, who is wearing a coat?

Mix56 · 14/08/2021 18:28

Earlydancing.
It was cold, DC wasn't dressed adequately, You wouldn't take the child out if it was raining or snowing without a coat.
Both the abusive Ex & SW were negligent

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 18:32

I'm going to ask my solicitor to write them a letter attaching the court order and reiterating what we are all bound to and ask that they abide by these and not continue to break them as they have done

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 18:34

The contact supervisor also tried to get me to engage with him via a communication book.. Despite a non molestation order in place. When I told my solicitor she couldn't believe it. As a communication book would be breaching the nmo.

OP posts:
Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 18:39

The reason for more illness in the winter is due to people being in enclosed spaces more, as well as viruses thriving in colder weather.

When you're cold, your defences of preventing the virus from entering the body are less effective. And once it's in the body, your immune system doesn't work as well at tackling it. And of course there is more virus around in the winter because it is more transmissable...because people are cold (plus social distancing etc etc)

Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 18:42

@Mix56

Earlydancing. It was cold, DC wasn't dressed adequately, You wouldn't take the child out if it was raining or snowing without a coat. Both the abusive Ex & SW were negligent
Where did I say differently?
Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 18:46

@Pebbledashery

He's not my husband. And you clearly don't have a clue about our past history.

No, I've already said I don't. I was just saying that making an accusation that sounds unbelievable won't help your case and as someone who didn't know what the truth was, that would make me side with your ex, which is definitely not what you want. I was trying to be objective so that you had the best chance of winning. Sorry if it didn't come across right.

Coyoacan · 14/08/2021 19:00

Earlydancing
Obviously if the virus isn't in the environment, people won't catch the disease, but lots of people don't get sick even when in the presence of a virus, because they have a strong immune system, getting cold and wet obviously depresses the immune system.

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 19:12

I echo what other posters have said.
When you speak to them only talk about the facts, don’t bring up the fact she got ill from it or that they said ‘his’ daughter as she is his.

The facts are you have a court order to say it’s supervised access IN the contact centre. If the park was part of the contact centre that’s fine but there still needs to be someone there supervising.

I would say if they break the rules again you will not be bringing her anymore.

I’m sure there must be a supervisor or something to can speak to but I really don’t know as I believe most of them are volunteers.

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 19:15

I would just say that you are in the middle of a court case and it's best not to assume how it's going to turn out. Your allegation about the patk made you sound unreasonable and I would have sided with your husband. This is not what you want to happen, even at this last stage when you are convinced he will soon be out of her life. Play the long game and give no one the chance to question what you're saying. One question can soon lead to two. Good luck.

I completely agree.

Do not give him any ammunition to make out like you are the one that’s being unreasonable and that he’s the poor victim.
She may or have not have gotten ill from a dirty, cold park but you can’t prove that so stick with the facts that he has broken the rules that the courts have put in place and you will not be accepting it happening again.

Earlydancing · 14/08/2021 19:32

@Coyoacan

Earlydancing Obviously if the virus isn't in the environment, people won't catch the disease, but lots of people don't get sick even when in the presence of a virus, because they have a strong immune system, getting cold and wet obviously depresses the immune system.
👍
thevelvetcurtain · 14/08/2021 19:50

I've read your previous threads. I'm so sorry that he continues to pull this crap.

Focus not on the coat but on him leaving the contact centre with her, as well as the other issues with the contact centre. I also probably wouldn't take her tomorrow and get in contact with your solicitor ASAP. The contact centre have broken a lot of regulations that are there to keep you and DD safe and it's not on.

Has it been the same person every time at the contact staff member, or have all staff treated you with such disrespect?

XelaM · 14/08/2021 19:54

OP I'm a solicitor and this is absolutely shocking behaviour from the contact centre! I see you have already said you will get your solicitor to write to them. I think that's the correct course of action. Don't let them breach the terms of the court order!

XelaM · 14/08/2021 19:57

As for him attempting to breach the terms of the non-molestation order, call the police every time, as this is a very serious criminal offence!

CornishTiger · 14/08/2021 20:02

When is next contact. Tomorrow?

I’d seriously consider breaching court order unless you can receive assurances they will adhere to the court order and ensure your safety by making sure the 30 mins is maintained. Not 10. 15. 20. - 30. It’s been ordered for a reason!

What has happened about the force feeding? I’d have expected an intervention to stop that. It’s not acceptable.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/08/2021 20:17

I'm in two minds. I really don't want to breach the order.. But the contact centre are just doing what they want. Its run by a qualified social worker. I'm a bit shocked to be honest that she asked me to bring a doctors note knowing full well our situation and that we live in hiding. How could she ask me that... They aren't professional at all. The only reason I'm in two minds is because we have a hearing next week and I don't want to give him and his mongrel barrister more reason to criticise me.. Nothing is going to change in terms of contact until we get the section 7 recommendations.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 14/08/2021 20:28

I think DD is ill?

GetTaeFuck · 14/08/2021 20:31

Breach the order. It’s a massive safeguarding issue.

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 20:34

If you have your hearing next week then I’d send them an email explaining that you are unhappy about them allowing him to break the court order but you are happy to continue as is as long as it doesn’t happen again else you will be taking it further.

I would carry on as normal as I’m guessing you only have one or two more contact centre meetings with him.
If it does happen again it will work in your favour as you will have it in writing asking them to not break the rules and they did.

RedMarauder · 14/08/2021 20:38

@GetTaeFuck

Breach the order. It’s a massive safeguarding issue.
Please don't as you would be playing in to your abusers hands.

Follow PPs advice and complain about them not following the Court Order and if you can get your solicitor to do it.