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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH workout/Excerise

69 replies

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 14:36

My OH has throughout Covid got the excercise bug - which was great during Lockdowns as it gave us another area of release and there was more than enough time.
Now things are opened up and more commitments to socialising (family and friends) OH still wants to keep up the fitness which is fine but he is only allowing one day off. He works full time 3 days a week (shift worker) so these days I do not see him at all until very late at night.

I asked if we could have one family day off from it (weekend) and one week day off -and he said no, only one day.

His idea is to run in the morning or evening on his days off, followed by up half an hour intense core cardio.
To be honest he dropped the cardio after at least one run it would feel a bit more of a compromise.
But it has to be run, core work out x 3 days a week plus 3 days work
His work is intense, lots of walking/lifting and he says it’s for his mental health, but surely the run is suffice enough on most days, the need for added core work out ontop strikes me as a vanity project? I know most people will say I’m acting insecure but It’s more his reluctance to compromise and his insistence which is grating me more than anything.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 14/08/2021 14:53

Does he expect you to do this with him? He sounds very inflexible

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 14:57

Hi Shox thanks for the reply- can I ask you to reword what you mean?
He said we can work out together on some days, as I would like to do some but I think that’s to get me off his case (if you know what I mean?)

Oh and I can ‘pick which day off’ - lucky lady! 🤢

OP posts:

HyacinthsHydrangeas · 14/08/2021 15:01

How much time does each run take?

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:02

I think the runs 45 mins to an hour, then the cardio another half an hour ontop, then a shower/refresh - all in all it can be 1 half to 2 hours

OP posts:

TimeForTeaAndG · 14/08/2021 15:03

Can he not get up really early on one of the days to do his workout and be home for breakfast/coffee with you and have the rest of the day free.

What time does he do his workouts?

MotionActivatedDog · 14/08/2021 15:03

How long is the exercise taking each day?

ComeonJulia · 14/08/2021 15:04

I think YABU. It’s good for him and good he has his own interests.

MotionActivatedDog · 14/08/2021 15:04

Xpost. So two hours out of a whole day? That’s not really a lot. He can do his exercise early morning or late at night and spend the days with his family.

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:05

When I say cardio I mean, core lifting etc. More intense stuff etc. I’m also concerned because I think it’s too much as his job is really demanding. I don’t think having only one day rest after such a demanding job - and he doesn’t drive into work either.

I know it’s easy to throw around the helps my mental health badge, but it doesn’t help my mental health when he’s still running low on energy and being short tempered because he’s wearing himself out. I don’t think the excercise is balancing it out, I think it’s adding on another layer of tiredness.

OP posts:

idontlikealdi · 14/08/2021 15:06

YABU. I swim, DH cycles, both of which take time but we fit it in.

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:08

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

He is being good with fitting it around things, I guess it’s just the fact that he’s falling asleep on the sofa by 9pm and being snappy still. Is my main concern and sign that he’s over doing it - I think if he worked in a different area or we were retired etc, it would balance out. But his job plus work out are not giving him enough respite in my opinion.

OP posts:

theresapossuminthekitchen · 14/08/2021 15:10

I think you need to add context as this does not seem unreasonable to me - unless:

He also has other hobbies that take up a lot of his time

AND

You have children and it’s leaving you with the majority of that load.

Otherwise, having a hobby that you spend an hour or two on each day sounds perfectly reasonable to me (fitted around fair share of childcare responsibilities, if relevant). Especially if he has four whole days off a week (I appreciate the other days are very long, but that’s still plenty of free time).

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:12

He’s generally been run followed by working out after the kids have gone to school. If we are going out on a ‘day date’ he will skip that day, but then I guess it’s just that then the sacrifice is that the kids have got to wait on dad to finish his excercise or watch dad excercise. I don’t know, they’re only little for so long and it just doesn’t sit with me that if I use up his free day off, then the kids get frustrated by it at weekend. I feel guilty and then the kids get nothing out of it. I know you could say they could join in, but they don’t see their dad 3 time out of 5. So they really aren’t trying to be bad wanting his attention.

OP posts:

Rollerbird · 14/08/2021 15:14

Maybe you could suggest ways to help with his fatigue such as diet review if relevant?
Plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables and enough protein?

DrManhattan · 14/08/2021 15:18

The inflexibility could signal addiction.

Saharafordessert · 14/08/2021 15:19

Sounds absolutely fine to me…..I spend longer on my hobby/exercise per day.

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:29

Roller: Thanks for the suggestion :) appreciated

Sahara: Thanks for letting me know, that’s good to hear as it’s difficult to know what is normal or different

Dr: I think this is my biggest concern, he’s been spending longer with his dad due to Lockdown when you could excercise with one other person. His dad, IS addicted to excercise and a lot of other things, has a very addictive personality. OH does have an addictive personality from time to time, though he will not acknowledge it.
I suppose a big part of me is worried that when the little ones are bigguns, he will feel that there is no excuse to tone down the excercise or even ramp it up. I know this is a big assumption but judging by other odd addictions he’s had (nothing bad in particular) and how his dad is, the fear of mine is genuine and in my opinion valid.

OP posts:

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:32

I guess if I can get it to a balance in between what it was before and now I would be happy for him. But it’s trying to make it feel as though it is for his benefit and not me pushing him. I do genuinely have his best interests due to the combination of heavy work, family time and possible addiction. I just know if we don’t place boundaries there now it feels like it could get out of hand in the future.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 14/08/2021 15:34

I am not sure I understand the issue. I am reading that he exercises, often after the children have gone to school, for just over an hour, six days a week. Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, people with a dog might spend that much time walking it, should fit in easy around normal life. Or you need to explain in more detail how it is infringing in life.

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:40

Hi April - thanks for the reply - he excercises 3 days a week on his days off, but works 3 days a week ontop (shift worker, long days)

Has one ‘free day’ - no work or excercise

My concern is that 3 full days work, up to 2 hours excercise on his 3 days off are making him overly tired and could be a possible addiction if not treaded carefully.

OP posts:

RobynRedHead · 14/08/2021 15:40

I don't think 2 hrs is unreasonable, especially on a day where he does it after the kids have gone to school so he's not dumping you with the childcare. You're lucky you get a 'day date' without kids, many couples never get any alone time unless they have a babysitter at the evening/weekend.

icedcoffees · 14/08/2021 15:42

YABU.

Two hours per day to himself is fine, especially if it's in the morning, meaning when it's done he has the rest of the day to do whatever is necessary.

Surely if he gets up at 7am on the weekend and exercises each day, he'll be done by 9am and you can still have the whole day as a family?

Valhalla17 · 14/08/2021 15:48

That's nothing, many people workout every day or 5/6 days a week. It's also only 2hrs max a day, so not seeing the issue at all. As long as hes also spending time with you, the kids etc then it's fine surely. If he's tired at 9pm sometimes then maybe he just needs to go to bed and you'll have to entertain yourself for a bit. Do you have any hobbies OP?

Sally872 · 14/08/2021 15:51

Yabu. It's a couple of hours which he will fit around other plans.

Original poster

Langy654321 · 14/08/2021 15:55

Thanks everyone, I suppose it’s just the kids that are playing on my mind when I use up the ‘day off’ - call it mum guilt if you will.
Good to know all I will see how we get on

OP posts:

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