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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting a nappy on her when he takes her out

65 replies

Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:27

Dd recently turned 3, she’s been able to go on the potty/toilet since 2 ish but we’ve not pushed much, so has been a few months with knickers on during the day. She still has a nappy at night.
This morning he took her to the shops and came back and had a nappy on, I’ve told him before she’s in her knickers now, he said he just sticks it on as is easier-well, yes it is, but she’s used to wearing knickers now and asking when she needs a wee etc and she’s really good. Yes, it’s more hassle for a parent, but isn’t that just lazy parenting? 🤷🏻‍♀️He’s done it a few times, would it annoy you, is he setting her back doing this?
Also, too much tv imo, another easy option.
He loves her to bits, but Aibu in thinking he’s just being lazy?

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Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:28

*Came back and she had a nappy on

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:28

*Dp put a nappy on her-sorry!

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Henrytheehoover · 14/08/2021 14:29

He's being the lazy parent.

My DH is very much the path of least resistance, lots of telly etc. But even he made sure we pushed through with potty training.

modgepodge · 14/08/2021 14:30

Yes this would really annoy me. I feel it gives the child the wrong message about where to wee - if they can wee in a nappy with no consequence some of the time, they are likely to do it in pants too. I definitely found this when my daughter was in pull ups at childcare and pants at home.

Is this man still your partner or an ex? If a partner I think you need to have a discussion about agreeing an approach on things like this. If he’s an ex I guess that’s harder.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/08/2021 14:31

Definitely lazy. I’d only regress for a long car journey where they might fall asleep.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:31

@Henrytheehoover That’s the thing, she’s fully trained and has been for a while now, he just cba if she suddenly needs a wee or poo, it’s more hassle for me when I’m with her everyday, but there you go! 🤷🏻‍♀️
Was hoping to lose the nappy at night gradually too

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CoffeeRunner · 14/08/2021 14:31

Lazy & confusing for DD. I don't think my DD would have accepted a daytime nappy once she was used to wearing pants.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:33

@modgepodge Partner now, I was upstairs in bed, for a teeny lie in before cleaning upstairs, so I didn’t know. I went to her her changed into costume for paddling pool and she had no knickers on. I said ‘Oh, did you not wear knickers today’? She said daddy put a nappy on her 🙄

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Ticketchancer · 14/08/2021 14:34

Yes it’s lazy!!!! It’s easier to give them burger and chips all day and never put them to bed….even easier don’t be a parent

Mistyplanet · 14/08/2021 14:39

Yanbu. You need to have a talk to him about why this will confuse dd and maybe make a small back pack to take out with her with a change of clothes and wipes. Maybe he needs reassurance that if she does have an accident it wont be the end of the world and this is all part of the process. As long as she goes to the toilet before she leaves and theres somewhere outside she can go- even in the bushes there shouldn't be a problem. If he continues to do this maybe hide the nappies you have? (I assume you keep them for nighttimes so he has no choice but to take her without.

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:39

Definitely lazy. Worked in a pre school before. If mums went away and dads were left in charge things like this would always happen. Always nappies on kids who didn't need them and sweets for breakfast Hmm

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:39

I thought I saw the nappy on her from upstairs when they came back and for it not to be on later means he must’ve known he shouldn’t but just cba when he took her to the shops. So put it on, then took it off when she got home,

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Sceptre86 · 14/08/2021 14:40

She has to learn at some point so he needs to get over himself. Why are you so passive? Parenting has a lot of aspects that can be defined as a hassle, doesn't mean we just avoid doing those tasks. Tell him to get his lazy self into gear.

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:41

One child came in one morning in a tshirt,nappy,tights and slippers eating jellies. He just 'had to do what he could to get her out of the house' the child was 3 and a few months.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:42

@Mistyplanet That’s it, I mean there’s been emergency situations where I’ve had to pull over and she wees by the tire, not ideal, but it happens. She has her wipes and spare knicks in the bag. Most places we go are around shops (toilets nearby) or out in nature (can just go in the bushes as a last resort)

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Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:43

@Sceptre86 I’m not passive? He’s at work and I’ve just texted him now to ask if she went out in a nappy. Only just seen properly when I got Dd changed and asked her.

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Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:44

He just doesn't want the hassle. Its ok for you to deal with. But he just doesn't see that as his job.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:44

@Sceptre86 That’s the thing, she has learnt, she’s been in knickers for ages

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2bazookas · 14/08/2021 14:45

Get some pull-up for her to wear on outings with Daddy , halfway house between a nappy and knickers, which she can manage herself if he gets chance.

Then remind her "If you need a wee, ask \dad to take you to toilet".

If he doesn't and she pees in the pull ups,. no big deal.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:46

@Notimeforaname Why are so many men so shit, seriously.
When I was cleaning, I could hear downstairs , the tv on the whole time, yes it’s easier, but Jesus!

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Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:46

Its a job he couldn't be arsed doing. Lazy parent. Doesn't care that it will confuse his child. He just doesn't want to deal with the awkwardness kids bring.
He wouldn't even be thinking about the potential regression or extra accidents that may occur because of it. He just wants an easy trip to the shops.

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 14/08/2021 14:47

@2bazookas

Get some pull-up for her to wear on outings with Daddy , halfway house between a nappy and knickers, which she can manage herself if he gets chance.

Then remind her "If you need a wee, ask \dad to take you to toilet".

If he doesn't and she pees in the pull ups,. no big deal.

No way! That's just enabling lazy shitty parenting.

She doesn't need a pull up, she needs a competent father

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:48

@2bazookas We’ve gone through the pull ups phase though, she doesn’t wet herself, always informs me and as long as we can get somewhere in time ( often a rush and yes can be inconvenient) it’s fine. She’s never actually wet herself yet. She doesn’t need a nappy at all and I’m only keeping it for night to give some security for a while.

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Ofnorman · 14/08/2021 14:48

Hiding nappies and buying pull ups?

How about he just grows the fuck up and stops with the crap parenting, because that's what it is.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:49

@Notimeforaname Exactly. Are most dads like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

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