Putting a nappy on her when he takes her out

[Summerof95]

Dd recently turned 3, she’s been able to go on the potty/toilet since 2 ish but we’ve not pushed much, so has been a few months with knickers on during the day. She still has a nappy at night.
This morning he took her to the shops and came back and had a nappy on, I’ve told him before she’s in her knickers now, he said he just sticks it on as is easier-well, yes it is, but she’s used to wearing knickers now and asking when she needs a wee etc and she’s really good. Yes, it’s more hassle for a parent, but isn’t that just lazy parenting? 🤷🏻‍♀️He’s done it a few times, would it annoy you, is he setting her back doing this?
Also, too much tv imo, another easy option.
He loves her to bits, but Aibu in thinking he’s just being lazy?

FFs cant people read shes trained she doesnt need pull ups or anything else-hes being a lazy git so he doesnt have to parent

Yep, super lazy behaviour from her dad and confusing for her. Yes, it’s bloody frustrating needing to drop everything in order to facilitate them needing a wee. But that’s parenting and he needs to stop this laziness.

My only concern is she often wakes up with a pooey nappy, so I don’t think she’s 100% secure about that just yet

In that case I can well understand your reticence in that case. DS only had a wet nappy in the mornings but when I decided to leave it off, he didn’t wet the bed, but the thought of possibility of soiled bedclothes is perhaps a step too far!

@NowEvenBetter I imagine some other men are like this-is it just laziness or being unsure

He replied to me that it was just for the shop as he didn’t know where the toile was there 🙄hardware type store, sure there was a loo!

I don't think it's a big deal so long as the nappy is just there as back-up and her father makes an effort to take her to the toilet when she asks to go. When our DC was potty-training, we'd often stick a nappy on when we were going somewhere without quick access to toilets. Sometimes they'd go in their nappy but children very quickly reach a stage where they don't like to do this and ask for the toilet instead. So then the nappy was just in case we couldn't reach a toilet in time. Wet or soiled pants when you're out and about is embarrassing for the child and annoying to deal with. My DC will still wear a pull-up for long car trips in case they fall asleep or we get stuck in traffic.

I agree with getting rid of the nappies altogether - dh is being ridiculous

Both of mine didn't wet once dry in the day. I didn't give them a bedtime drink and made sure they went to the toilet before bed. I think it's good to break the habit even at this age.

Sorry but you do sound passive to me, you don't need to argue about it but should definitely be addressing it. Not all men are shit but yours is ridiculous.

@Sceptre86 But I am addressing it? I’ve addressed it today 🤷🏻‍♀️When they went out I was asleep, so I had no idea. When I found out I texted him at work. How much more can I do to be addressing it at this stage?

I don't mean to come across as unsupportive op but if it was me I would be talking to him when he got back home. I'd be explaining how far your dd has come in terms of staying dry during the day, how pleased you are with her and how you want to work on getting her dry during the night. I would also explain that you need your partner's support in this, so of he is taking her out she needs to go to the loo before, don't take her to far from home yet and be able to either take a potty with you or better yet have an idea where she could go to the loo as kids that age often can't wait that long. He needs to be on board for it to work, this way she is getting mixed messages when she doesn't need to. It's not acceptable in my eyes at least to come up with excuses all the time, she is his daughter and there will be times when he has to take her to the loo on his own. If other dad's can mange it there is no reason why he can't.

he didnt know wherethe toilet was-so he would have said to her to go in her nappy

how stupid

Not every dad - my two BILs are great parents for example - but they're the only two in my circle of family/close friends who aren't somewhat lazy. My own STBXH was just like yours, still is. It's the main reason we're splitting g. Resentment builds and respect wanes as you watch them put in the absolute bare minimum because they know you'll pick up the slack so your DC don't suffer.

On the rare occasions I left them with him he wouldn't dress them/brush their hair/teeth, feed them shit and barely leave the house. I left for a hen weekend and when I came back on the Monday morning they were still in the pajamas I'd put them in on the Friday evening...

I can't believe the amount of posters making it the OP's or Eve worse the small child's job to sort this out conveniently for the lazy arse.

Toileting is very basic parenting. Like rung one. Feeding, sleeping pooing. If he thinks the absolute bottom of the ladder if parenting is t his job, he doesn't really think being a parent is his job. And that's sad and depressing.

I was about to say I’d never heard of a father doing something like this, ever. But then, I actually remembered my father, unfortunately.

He couldn’t put me “back” in nappies because his mum, my gran who eventually took over raising me full-time, had potty-trained me, so the nappies were gone. Instead, he just made me feel incredibly guilty and got angry at me when I needed the loo or took too long… so I’d hold it. Which gave me constipation issues that my gran had to help me sort out, starting at age 4, that I still deal with now, eons later.

Please watch your DH. Right now it’s ”lazy” parenting. But when your daughter reaches the age where he can’t just fob her off with TV or he can’t refuse to take her to the loo, it can become resentful parenting. Hopefully it doesn’t, but be careful.

Surely he could take a potty with him in the car? That’s what I used to do, along with wipes and a plastic bag.