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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting a nappy on her when he takes her out

65 replies

Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:27

Dd recently turned 3, she’s been able to go on the potty/toilet since 2 ish but we’ve not pushed much, so has been a few months with knickers on during the day. She still has a nappy at night.
This morning he took her to the shops and came back and had a nappy on, I’ve told him before she’s in her knickers now, he said he just sticks it on as is easier-well, yes it is, but she’s used to wearing knickers now and asking when she needs a wee etc and she’s really good. Yes, it’s more hassle for a parent, but isn’t that just lazy parenting? 🤷🏻‍♀️He’s done it a few times, would it annoy you, is he setting her back doing this?
Also, too much tv imo, another easy option.
He loves her to bits, but Aibu in thinking he’s just being lazy?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/08/2021 14:49

How long was the car journey? Is it because he didn't want to deal with an accident in the car?

My DD is very recently potty trained and if we're popping to the supermarket for a few bits she doesn't wear a nappy but if we were to take her to do a full shop we might consider it.
She gets embarrassed if she has an accident (although she's only ever had them at home so far) no it'd probably be better for her to not have one in public.

I'm not saying he's right but I could potentially see it from his perspective.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/08/2021 14:51

Not OK, will send the wrong messages to her.
If I were you , I'd throw all the nappies away- if she's 3+ and dry during the day, you'll probably have her dry at night very quickly. Put disposable pads/bed proectors on just in case. Or get nighttime pull-ups, clearly labelled and tell her they are for nighttime only, and that only babies wear them during the day. Tell her that in front of dad, get him to agree, and then she will kick off when he wants her to wear them during the day..suddenly it will not be the easiest way to deal with her.
I'm annoyed on your behalf, it is really lazy parenting on his part.
Actually, better still, have only cloth nappies and tell him he is going to be the one washing them if he puts them on her.

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:51

A lot of them act so shit and half arse things because someone else has done or will do it for them.
Or at least wont hold them to account.

He knows you will deal with the accidents and planning around training.

He probably already thought he was being fantastic by taking her out whilst you had a few moments to yourself Hmm Why would he make it harder for himself.

Sorry op. I know it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but it's a shit feeling knowing you always have to be the adult and do things properly. Flowers

Fleabiter · 14/08/2021 14:51

Oh I don't know. I'd put a nappy on mine if we we going out. Saved having to search for a place to wee, as usually in the early days they couldn't hold it for long. Nobody seemed confused, everybody was fully toilet trained by the time they started pre school.
(Mum of 4 1990s kids)
Just playing devil's advocate re nappies, but it seems he's generally a lazy git in your case.

FusionChefGeoff · 14/08/2021 14:51

Time for a Talk this is truly shitty parenting

Ponoka7 · 14/08/2021 14:51

I've put a pull up on my GD, when we go on buses etc. She won't wee in a bush etc. It doesn't confuse them. But given the distance he was going there was no need.

senoritarita · 14/08/2021 14:52

Typical lazy bloke

I agree, its mixed messages and pull ups are nappies. Theyre not a back up plan

Hide all the nappies so he wont find them

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:53

@girlmom21 He drove around 15 minutes away to one shop for pool supplies, then to the food shop. Probably a bit of driving, but she’s generally ok if she’s been before going out. A couple of times in the car, she’s needed a wee, once I pulled over as it couldn’t be helped, another time I drove to the nearest petrol station. Yes a hassle, but a lot of it’s pretty much a hassle, isn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️That’s what parenting is, all the processes and the effort.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 14/08/2021 14:54

My own father never did a tap. Unless it was convenient for him. It's sad. I mean he's not a bad person but we knew he wasn't exactly interested in us.
He loved/loves us dearly. But always put the tv on or fed us sweets to be quiet. Mum had to plan and think about everything. He is always on the forefront of his mind. If we were being difficult ''off you go to mum''

ComDummings · 14/08/2021 14:56

Yep lazy and pathetic. As you say OP, it can be a pain in the arse having to find a toilet for little ones sometimes but you manage to do it fine when you take her out. So there’s no excuse for him to be so lazy.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 14:57

@Fleabiter I used to do that at the start, she’d have knickers on at home and in the garden whilst learning to go on her potty when she needed a wee or poo. Initially I’d stick a nappy on when shopping etc. But we’re passed that phase now and quite a bit passed it, she even seems uncomfortable when you put a nappy on her, she doesn’t need it and v shortly likely won’t have nappies at night either

OP posts:
Peanutsandchilli · 14/08/2021 14:59

Wouldn't bother me and I'd think he was being sensible, as long as he made an effort to take her to the toilet if she asked, rather than telling her to use the nappy.
Nobody wants kids wetting themselves in the shops.

gogohm · 14/08/2021 15:01

At least switch to pull ups because she can then take herself

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 15:03

@Peanutsandchilli No he wouldn’t have though, he would have let her wee in the nappy

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 15:04

@gogohm She’s fully in knickers though 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 14/08/2021 15:06

Yes that is lazy and confusing for the child. It will take a lot longer to potty train if they can sometimes wee in a nappy and sometimes on the potty. I would put a nappy on for naps or maybe at a push a long car journey but not just for a trip to the shops.

CecilyP · 14/08/2021 15:07

If she has been dry during the day for some time, you could try no nappies at night, especially while we still good weather. If successful you no longer need to have nappies in the house. It must be horrible for her to have a day time nappy put on when she has been out of them for quite some time.

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 15:12

@CecilyP Yes I feel like we’re very nearly at that point, I’ve been very laid back about the process. She now takes her nappy off in the morning when she wakes up. My only concern is she often wakes up with a pooey nappy, so I don’t think she’s 100% secure about that just yet

OP posts:
NightmareLoon · 14/08/2021 15:20

I kept a potty in the car for times like these!

Original poster
Summerof95 · 14/08/2021 15:21

@NightmareLoon Yes we take ours on journeys, I need to get another to just keep in the boot 🤣

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 14/08/2021 15:27

At least he took the nappy off her when they got back. Your DD seems to understand that she isn’t in nappies daytime, so I’d say to her, Daddy is silly taking you out with a nappy on, now you’re a big girl, make sure you tell Daddy that you wear knickers now.

Also if she only has a little poo in nappy overnight and not wee’d, I would be tempted to just put knickers on at bedtime.

billy1966 · 14/08/2021 15:27

Lazy, selfish parenting who puts himself ahead of confusing his child.

I would be furious with the selfishness.

No, it most certainly is not most men.

A decent father does NOT do things that will confuse a child moving on developmentally.

SunbathingDragon · 14/08/2021 15:29

So has she been toilet trained for the best part of a year or more (am I reading your OP correctly)? If so, I can’t see it will confuse her or that she will wee/poo in the nappy if she can help it. Usually once children are trained, they aren’t happy about going back to nappies although maybe your DD is more accepting as they are still normal for her at night.

NowEvenBetter · 14/08/2021 15:34

Doesn’t sound like much of a parent-can’t be bothered to take her to a toilet, leaves the tv to parent her. Weird that you think such disinterest is normal.

user1495884211 · 14/08/2021 15:36

If he is just putting the nappy on when he takes her out, is it an issue around taking her to the toilet? Some people are not comfortable with taking little girls into mens toilets where there may be urinals and she is too young to go in the ladies on her own.