Poor parenting, oblivious woman or AIBU?

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Firstly I don't have kids of my own. I was a teacher for years so have some idea of kids and how tricky it is. But today I had a experience and was quite upset.

I was changing in the gym and a woman comes in with 3 kids. One around 6 and looked like twins around 3 years old.
She's very vocal moaning at them etc. Kids actually very sweet, getting ready for the pool. They are very well behaved.
Although mum is moaning at them very loudly she doesn't seem to be aware of what they're doing. Her little girl comes over to my side of the changing room.
The reason why I was a bit concerned was the door she's heading to leads to the swimming pool. There is a child safety door but people are coming in and out (again no one seems that bothered by a little girl on her own).

Mum is the other side of the changing Room calling for her daughter, daughter has disappeared for the door to the pool. As I'm about to tell mum she's over here her mum knowing her little girl is no where to be seen takes the other kids to the toilet....far away from me/door to pool and is quite some time. The whole time the mum is giving a running commentary really loudy....like "where are you x, stop moaning xx, I need to change, let's go to the toilet, I won't be giving you any treats etc"
All the time I can see the little girl and keeping a close eye on her.
Her mum just didnt Care at all.
A lady comes through the door from the pool and little girls goes through!
At this point I'm fully clothed and my heart sinks I run for the door and luckily little girl is approaching the pool but I manage to get to her and ....btw there are no lifeguards at certain times at our pool.
I say to her "I think your mummy might be look for you, do you want to go back to her?"
Little girl turns and comes back to changing room. Her mum completely obvious but sees me with daughter ignored me, I'm totally invisible and says to her daughter 'lets go, let's try not to get drowned' ....the comment wasn't in reaction to the above incident she was just being loud and funny I suppose but utterly lacking in awareness.

I'm really angry for the little girl.

However was I over reacting?

Sounds like the mother is probably exhausted and burnt out. Hopefully that's the extent of it and you just caught her at the wrong time to get a better snapshot of things. But it's a good thing you were there. That kid could have fallen in.

Maybe she should save trips to the swimming pool for when she's not so burnt out, then?

No. You aren't overreacting. That is how children drown.

I'd talk to the pool people about lifeguards/ door controls etc and how they nearly had a near miss.
I wouldn't bother with the family, they won't change (and will just be Pd off) and it won't stop the next inattentive family. Talking to the staff may mean they can do things to make it harder for neglected children to make it as far as the pool.

Glad you were there to stop the little girl getting into the pool! How scary!

I can't judge the mum too harshly though. I can't imagine dealing with three year old twins plus another one.

I can see why you feel the way you do.

I can also feel some kind of empathy with her. Plenty of parents take their eyes off the ball. They don't mean to.

And when you have young kids, it's OK to say swimming should be left to another day. But it's not always that easy. I have seen friends, so desperate to do things with their kids they feel they can't miss taking them to something they have promised. They end up under so much self inflicted pressure. And then there's the external pressures of mother hood. Sometimes it builds and you don't even realise. It's just normal life, living under that pressure.

She shouldn't be taking them swimming alone never mind any of the other stuff.

It's very suspicious. Mum sounds at the end of her tether and isn't thinking straight and maybe wishing for accidents to happen, as dark as that sounds.

She wouldn't be allowed in alone with three children under 8 at our local pool.

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

She wouldn't be allowed in alone with three children under 8 at our local pool.

Same - I have a small bit of sympathy for her in that I can very well imagine that it would be near impossible to keep as close an eye as you need to on small children near water, but that's exactly why none of the pools I use would allow this ratio.

I was also going to say she wouldn't be allowed to take three young children swimming.

It's 2 under 8s to one adult.

Have to agree with @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland.

I have 3 DC under 8 and I can't think of a single pool that would allow me in with all three of them without another adult present.

Also think it's decidedly off that the pool lets parents take three small children into a pool with no lifeguards. That is shocking tbh. Not that it means the mum would not have been to blame if anything dreadful had happened, but I do wonder how they are insured to let that happen at this pool and gym.

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

She wouldn't be allowed in alone with three children under 8 at our local pool.

What I thought.

Also the no lifesaver but. Doesn’t add up.

Three young children are a lot to manage at the swimming-pool. Personally, I don't think 3 under 8s to one adult is a safe ratio.

I don't judge her for being moany and burnt out though... having twins + 1 older is my worst nightmare . I know several mums who have this and it is tough. If it was me, I would save swimming for weekends when my DH could help but maybe she's a single mum or doesn't have anyone who could help?

Ultimately, though, it's not good enough. Drowning is so, so easy for young children... only takes a minute. So "I just took my eyes off her for a minute" doesn't really cut it. You need to know where they are around water at all times.

Tbh I'm waiting for OP to drip feed in that she is certain it was their step mother. The twins are already there, I'm sure a useless DH will feature too.

What would you like her to have done?

I’ve only got 3 year old DTs, not them plus another. It can be hell. The stress of making sure they behave and don’t batter each other (and lead to more judgement!) is strong. It’s so easy to get caught up in one kid whilst the other has wandered off somewhere else (I’m pretty sure mine do this deliberately) and if it was the normally ‘good’ twin who doesn’t cause the trouble and she’s focusing more on the other two who are on the brink of a tantrum for example, I can see how it happened.

The comment let’s try not to drown ourselves is the sort of comment I’d make too

Maybe she was a shit mother. But it’s also possible that today has been the day from hell for her and she dropped the ball. It’s also possible that she just made a mistake and is sat feeling bad about it now.

Maybe their dad was in the men’s changing room

Maybe their dad was in the men’s changing room hmm

And he left her with all 3 kids to change while he went off? In which case definitely a useless DH.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

She's very vocal moaning at them etc. Kids actually very sweet, getting ready for the pool. They are very well behaved.

3 year old is not well behaved if she's wandered off from mum and isn't listening/returning when called.

Anyway, I dont buy this story. I reckon you saw something much less black and white, and are hamming it up here to ensure people agree with you.

I don't believe you saw a parent with a 3 year old out if sight in a public places take 2 other children off to the toilet for a few minutes while other child was out of sight/not responding verbally. Dont buy it, sorry.

Few swimming pools will allow one parent to swim alone with 3 children of those ages.

Agree with this

And being a teacher doesn't qualify you to judge a parent - one with multiple children at that. Teaching as wonderful a profession as it is isn't parenting

Can the kids swim? Because a 6/7/8 year old could be a very proficient swimmer. And a 3/4 year old could be more competent than many adults

I would be inclined to think the father was waiting outside the changing rooms on the poolside as every pool I've been to would not allow 3 children under 8 to one adult.