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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poor parenting, oblivious woman or AIBU?

73 replies

Cookiebox · 13/08/2021 19:48

Firstly I don't have kids of my own. I was a teacher for years so have some idea of kids and how tricky it is. But today I had a experience and was quite upset.

I was changing in the gym and a woman comes in with 3 kids. One around 6 and looked like twins around 3 years old.
She's very vocal moaning at them etc. Kids actually very sweet, getting ready for the pool. They are very well behaved.
Although mum is moaning at them very loudly she doesn't seem to be aware of what they're doing. Her little girl comes over to my side of the changing room.
The reason why I was a bit concerned was the door she's heading to leads to the swimming pool. There is a child safety door but people are coming in and out (again no one seems that bothered by a little girl on her own).

Mum is the other side of the changing Room calling for her daughter, daughter has disappeared for the door to the pool. As I'm about to tell mum she's over here her mum knowing her little girl is no where to be seen takes the other kids to the toilet....far away from me/door to pool and is quite some time. The whole time the mum is giving a running commentary really loudy....like "where are you x, stop moaning xx, I need to change, let's go to the toilet, I won't be giving you any treats etc"
All the time I can see the little girl and keeping a close eye on her.
Her mum just didnt Care at all.
A lady comes through the door from the pool and little girls goes through!
At this point I'm fully clothed and my heart sinks I run for the door and luckily little girl is approaching the pool but I manage to get to her and ....btw there are no lifeguards at certain times at our pool.
I say to her "I think your mummy might be look for you, do you want to go back to her?"
Little girl turns and comes back to changing room. Her mum completely obvious but sees me with daughter ignored me, I'm totally invisible and says to her daughter 'lets go, let's try not to get drowned' ....the comment wasn't in reaction to the above incident she was just being loud and funny I suppose but utterly lacking in awareness.

I'm really angry for the little girl.

However was I over reacting?

OP posts:
Port1aCastis · 13/08/2021 20:38

I think the swimming pool are out of order for letting in a Parent on their own with 3 children, was the children's Father waiting outside perhaps?

Didiplanthis · 13/08/2021 20:39

Err... I think you are entirely reasonable.. and I am in a position to judge as I had a 5 year old and 3 year old twins not that long ago, and there is NO WAY I could have safely taken them swimming on my own. And if dad WAS in the other changing room then he should have had at least one of them. And you just cant take 2 kids to the toilet leaving a 3 yr old wandering however tired or burnt out you are... yup I dont know the circumstances.. wouldn't stop me judging though ... I'm quite sure I managed some piss poor parenting during that time but not THAT bad ! And 2 of mine have SEND before that one gets chucked in ..

muchtoomuchtime · 13/08/2021 20:39

It's very suspicious. Mum sounds at the end of her tether and isn't thinking straight and maybe wishing for accidents to happen, as dark as that sounds.

Brilliant bit of batshit armchair analysis!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 13/08/2021 20:41

Anyway, I dont buy this story. I reckon you saw something much less black and white, and are hamming it up here to ensure people agree with you.

I agree with this.

Well behaved kids but they are wandering off and not doing as they are told. A pool with 3 kids and 1 adult and no lifeguards.

It's very suspicious. Mum sounds at the end of her tether and isn't thinking straight and maybe wishing for accidents to happen, as dark as that sounds.

This is one of the biggest reaches I've ever seen on here. Parent feels frustrated in the holidays, casually takes kids to a busy pool in the hope that one drowns Confused

User4248035893 · 13/08/2021 20:41

This reply has been deleted

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millenialblush · 13/08/2021 20:44

Yea you aren't being unreasonable OP, and this is why I've never taken my twins swimming alone. Kids roam and it's impossible to keep an eye on more than one child at any one time. I take them to places I can trust they will be safe if I have to turn my back on one of them for a few mins I.e not a pool. Young kids need more than 1 adult attending at a swimming pool.

muchtoomuchtime · 13/08/2021 20:45

Swimming changing rooms/pools were my least favourite place when DC were younger. Always seemed to be one of my children misbehaving, one crying because they are cold/hungry etc and the sticky heat and effort of it always made me snappy. Much much prefer outdoors swimming.

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 20:45

I hate when people just ignore you like that

Livinghereinallentown · 13/08/2021 20:48

@SuperSketchy

Glad you were there to stop the little girl getting into the pool! How scary!

I can't judge the mum too harshly though. I can't imagine dealing with three year old twins plus another one.

If she can’t manage she shouldn’t taken them swimming.
Lady08 · 13/08/2021 20:51

I have been shocked during the summer holidays at how unaware and negligent some parents are. Today I took a young child out from under a trampoline where big kids were bouncing and he could easily have got hurt, parent far away, chatting to friends, lots of other incidents too. Our local farm have put up a post on Facebook recently, asking parents to supervise their children because some were climbing into pens, shouting and throwing bark at the animals, whilst the parents were in the cafe, completely unaware of what their kids were up to. Some parents have become very lazy!

ittakes2 · 13/08/2021 20:52

You are not being unreasonable but another villian in the story is the lady who let a 6 year old girl through the door to the swimming pool without any thought. She had just come from the pool so knew there wasn't any life guards - and she could see no one was with the girl.

Lady08 · 13/08/2021 20:52

Sorry just to add, the child should have been adequately supervised, especially near a place that poses a danger.

SuperSketchy · 13/08/2021 20:56

If she can’t manage she shouldn’t taken them swimming.

True, but sometimes you don't know how the day is going to go until you're there. I reserve judgement normally if someone is telling me their own, edited, version of a story and I wasn't there, which is why I wouldn't rush to judge her too harshly. But whatever gets you through the evening!

undermycatsthumb · 13/08/2021 20:57

No idea if it’s true or not but at my gym you can take 3 kids swimming alone, and I’ve taken my 3 alone regularly (lockdown aside!) from ages newborn, 3 and 5.

PalmsandCharms · 13/08/2021 20:59

@FredaFroo2

It's very suspicious. Mum sounds at the end of her tether and isn't thinking straight and maybe wishing for accidents to happen, as dark as that sounds.
Are you for bloody real???
EmeraldShamrock · 13/08/2021 21:01

She wouldn't be allowed in alone with three children under 8 at our local pool.
Isn't it the same in most pools, I'm very surprised your pool allows one adult with 3 DC and no life guards throughout certain times of the day seems unbelievable.

Goldbar · 13/08/2021 21:02

another villian in the story is the lady who let a 6 year old girl through the door to the swimming pool without any thought

Sometimes adults who aren't used to children just don't think about these things. They may even think they're being helpful Confused. This has happened to us although luckily I was nearby putting stuff in the lockers and so managed to stop my 3yo non-swimmer before they made it to the pool without me.

SunShinesBrightly · 13/08/2021 21:03

I stopped a toddler running into the road outside playgroup years ago. The mother had been yapping and was oblivious. She didn’t even acknowledge what had just happened even when others pointed it out to her. I was furious and upset in equal measure.

Candyapple49 · 13/08/2021 21:10

I took ds5 to soft play the other day . I front of me was a lady with 5 kids of various ages . You have to have your temperature taken in the lobby which is directly off from the car park and then they let you through the doors . The lady went through the doors and I moved forward for my temperature to be taken and then stepped back and there was a cry . My hand bag accidentally hit a toddler of about 2 on the head . The lady had gone in and left him . The soft play supervisor came around and picked him up and came in and began asking all of the people who he belonged to . The lady looked up and said “ oh silly boy , you always rush in first . I had no idea you weren’t in .” She didn’t even seem panicked or surprised . I think it was her lack of shock that I found the strangest .

Frodogo · 13/08/2021 21:13

So unless someone has children they can't observe and recognise (or "judge", whatever) irresponsible or inadequate parenting?

Yes, parents make mistakes, but it's not wrong to notice it, and just because it happens doesn't mean it's ok.

Mumofsend · 13/08/2021 21:14

I was also about to say no pool here would let 3 under 8s with one adult. It's impossible to safely care for them all at that ratio in a busy pool. Most here you can't get 2 in for 1 adult, there are maybe 3 I can think of you can

Paddingtonthebear · 13/08/2021 21:30

Some parents are just quite lax and/or oblivious unfortunately. It only takes a split second to fall/drown/get hit by a car. It’s very hard parenting 3 kids solo but ignoring someone who is watching out for the child that you clearly aren’t watching is pretty ignorant. Happens a lot,unfortunately.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 13/08/2021 21:35

I've seen it quite a few times on holidays, parents get chatting around the pool, kids playing and get overconfident in the water or follow older/ better swimmers out of their depth leading to near drownings only for quick actions of other adults or lifeguards. I cannot relax anywhere near kids and water as a result of witnessing too many very near misses even now my DC are older and confident I'm still on edge watching the little ones.

SycamoreGap · 13/08/2021 21:38

David Lloyd was always 3:1 when mine were young. Looks like it still is:

www.davidlloyd.co.uk/-/media/david-lloyd/files/opening-times/lincoln-pool-timetable.pdf?la=en

3 are fairly easy to manage if at least one can swim - by the age of 3 all of mine could do at least 25m and had been taught from a very early age to turn and grab the side of the pool if they fell in.

Sounds like she was having a tough day and you did the right thing - not sure there is any need for you to be angry about it.

2021V2 · 13/08/2021 21:43

David L has life guards though?

Odd. Two to one at most pools. Did you not say anything to the mum eg your daughter just slipped through that door and was about the fall in the pool - would you like me to keep eyeball on one whilst you deal with the other two?

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