Poor parenting, oblivious woman or AIBU?

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Firstly I don't have kids of my own. I was a teacher for years so have some idea of kids and how tricky it is. But today I had a experience and was quite upset.

I was changing in the gym and a woman comes in with 3 kids. One around 6 and looked like twins around 3 years old.
She's very vocal moaning at them etc. Kids actually very sweet, getting ready for the pool. They are very well behaved.
Although mum is moaning at them very loudly she doesn't seem to be aware of what they're doing. Her little girl comes over to my side of the changing room.
The reason why I was a bit concerned was the door she's heading to leads to the swimming pool. There is a child safety door but people are coming in and out (again no one seems that bothered by a little girl on her own).

Mum is the other side of the changing Room calling for her daughter, daughter has disappeared for the door to the pool. As I'm about to tell mum she's over here her mum knowing her little girl is no where to be seen takes the other kids to the toilet....far away from me/door to pool and is quite some time. The whole time the mum is giving a running commentary really loudy....like "where are you x, stop moaning xx, I need to change, let's go to the toilet, I won't be giving you any treats etc"
All the time I can see the little girl and keeping a close eye on her.
Her mum just didnt Care at all.
A lady comes through the door from the pool and little girls goes through!
At this point I'm fully clothed and my heart sinks I run for the door and luckily little girl is approaching the pool but I manage to get to her and ....btw there are no lifeguards at certain times at our pool.
I say to her "I think your mummy might be look for you, do you want to go back to her?"
Little girl turns and comes back to changing room. Her mum completely obvious but sees me with daughter ignored me, I'm totally invisible and says to her daughter 'lets go, let's try not to get drowned' ....the comment wasn't in reaction to the above incident she was just being loud and funny I suppose but utterly lacking in awareness.

I'm really angry for the little girl.

However was I over reacting?

A few years ago on holiday I saw a couple leave their toddler alone on the beach whilst they went out for a swim and they both were a good 100m out from the beach. Not only the danger of the sea but next to the beach promenade less than 100m away was a train line which was only protected by an automatic barrier. My heart was in my mouth until they swam back. Poor kid was crying most of the time.

@2021V2

David L has life guards though?

Odd. Two to one at most pools. Did you not say anything to the mum eg your daughter just slipped through that door and was about the fall in the pool - would you like me to keep eyeball on one whilst you deal with the other two?

Yes it does - can’t imagine any pool allowing family swim without a life guard.

Could you link to the pool? I can't imagine a pool not having a policy regarding ratios. Especially when there are no lifeguards. Usually two 8 or under children per adult. This just doesn't add up.

Many gym and hotel pools don’t have lifeguards as they are under a certain size and depth

No the mum is out of order. You keep all 3 kids with you, especially 6 and under! It's really not that difficult and if she was that 'burnt out' or couldn't cope with taking them put by herself then she shouldn't have taken then swimming where it literally takes a minute not watching your child for them to drown.

Also the child to adult ratio really means nothing since the op would have no way of knowing if their dad was changing in the male changing rooms

YANBU. If I ever lose sight of my DS my heart drops and I'm frantic. Yes probably burnt out but not an excuse.

Unfortunately not a lot you can do in this situation just glad you were there to keep an eye on her, albeit not your job! As the mother I would have been very grateful if DS had wandered off!

Fucking hell she sounds like a woman I know in rl who is always loudly being awful about her DC. She used to be a regular poster here many years ago and was banned (because just as in RL she is a bully - she made both my daughters cry when they little by being sarcastic to them) She was proper MN royalty. Her poor kids are constantly being loudly belittled, was horrible to watch. She slagged off other friends parenting for being too lax and yet she was so awful and neglectful to her own. Proper narcissist.

Lots of places allow for family swim without a lifeguard.

Again i know of no pool that will allow a 1 to 3 ratio

YANBU. I stopped quite a few little children going out the shop door and onto a busy high street when I worked in retail. Most of these parents just seemed oblivious, not at all bothered and a couple actually seemed annoyed that I had returned their kid.

I know it only takes a second but ignoring your DC for ages & assuming busy staff have clocked them is an accident waiting to happen.

@justcallmebebes as another poster has already pointed out David Lloyd clubs have a 3:1 ratio. Its really easy to Google to double check if you're that way inclined.

As to all people doubting the OPs story, my gym doesn't having lifeguards for its pool and there is no published ratio on kids:adults. It just says the adults are responsible for the kids at all times.

I had a 5 year old and twin 3 year olds not that long ago. In fact for a couple of months I had a 4 year old and twin 3 year olds.

Anyhoo, I can’t say I would ever have taken them swimming on my own, except to swimming lessons because they had their teachers and the pool side attendant was so very helpful with them. So it wasn’t really just me.

BUT there were plenty of times I got in over my head with them, going places trying to do things and discovering the hard way I could not. Shopping during certain phases certainly got dangerous. I once even abandoned a food shop midway through. DH was away and I had to get a babysitter so I I could go back and finish.

Also those of you saying 1 adult and 3 under 8 isn’t safe are ridiculous. Mine are now 5,5 and 7, all can swim and know their limits and also to stay near me at all times. The only issue we’ve run into is when one wants to go one way and the others the other way and we have to negotiate

None of our local pools allow parents to take more than two dcs in, and I have never once been poolside without there being at least one lifeguard and normally three or four during school holidays because they are so busy.

@FredaFroo2

It's very suspicious. Mum sounds at the end of her tether and isn't thinking straight and maybe wishing for accidents to happen, as dark as that sounds.

Bloody hell. How's your shoulder after that massive reach?

@Justcallmebebes

Again i know of no pool that will allow a 1 to 3 ratio

I linked to David Lloyd above.

Was it the 6 year old or one of the three year olds wandering off? I’d be significantly more relaxed about a 6 year old swimmer going in by themselves. Even a non-swimmer at 6 can (depending on the child) follow simple rules like “enter the pool area but wait for us by the side. Obviously it’s totally different if it was one of the younger kids.

Wonder where op is 🤔

She needs to do basic hints such as keep the changing room shut until they are all ready. I also used to put my swimsuit on at home so I swas ready quickly.

A thank you would have been nice however stressed and burnout she might have been, unbelievable !!

Do you feel better now? After doing a bit of mum shaming? You don’t know anything about her, mums can have off days too!

@MessyLifeCleanHouse I imagine she's glad she saved a child from potentially drowning ffs.

*Justcallmebebes..Again i know of no pool that will allow a 1 to 3 ratio

I linked to David Lloyd above.*

DL always has a lifeguard during family swim. They won't let kids into the pool area (even with a parent) until the lifeguard is there.

OP is suggesting there's a pool out there allowing a 3 to 1 ratio when there's no lifeguard present. I've never ever come across this