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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguement about car seat safety

90 replies

PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 12:44

Sorry I didn't really know where to put this, but I would like to know who others think is being unreasonable. Because I really don't think I am.

I'm going back to work next week after mat leave. My mother has kindly offered to have LO couple days a week and that is absolutely wonderful.

But we've had a bit of a disagreement over car seats last night. She informed me that they had bought a car seat for their car so we don't have to be faffing with it in the mornings. Thought, wonderful that's a great idea. She showed it to me and I had to explain it wasn't a rear facing one and was pretty sure it was the law to have them in a rear facing? (Correct me if I'm wrong here but that's what I was told by HV). Needless to say, whether or not its the law, I said that LO is far too young to be facing forward if there is a accident etc.
She went on to say that it is from 9months of age and cost a lot of money and it is obviously safe or they wouldn't sell it.

Baby is 8 months old, is a small baby for age.

I tried to show her the guidelines but she wouldn't hear it and ended up quite awkward and upsetting.

This morning I have tried to broach the subject and say that we could perhaps look for one suitable in the meantime and then use the one they bought when LO gets to the recommended weight as opposed to recommended age.

She can't understand it from my point of view and I was hoping that if I asked on here and showed her what other people's views were that she may see it from the safety point of view?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 12/08/2021 12:49

They can legally face forward in the seats that are weight based (minimum 9kg I think) but they are not the safest seats for a baby that age.

At 8 months old they should be rear facing still

Ididanamechange · 12/08/2021 12:51

I wouldn't put a small 8 month old in a forward facing seat 9m+ so I'm with you on this one. I'd either swap yours round for the next few months at least or buy a rear facing one like you said and use that until your baby is a bit bigger. I wonder if there's any crash videos on line that will show her why the right size seat is so important?

dementedpixie · 12/08/2021 12:53

It's an absolute minimum of 9kg to be in a weight based forward facing seat. If your lo is a small 8 month old they are unlikely to be that weight.

Their head is proportionately heavier than their body so being in a forward facing seat too early can lead to a broken neck in a car crash.

GenderApostatemk2 · 12/08/2021 12:54

I’m a Grandma and have only very recently started turning my 2 year old Grandson round to face forwards, only on short, low speed journeys too. My DD wouldn’t let her in laws use their FF seat until a month or so ago either.
No way should an 8 month old be in anything other than rear facing. My DD is 30 and was rear facing till at least the age of one, so it’s not like it’s a new thing.
Your Mum is in the wrong, the only person she should be upset with is herself.

Rannva · 12/08/2021 12:56

Mothers can be the worst for digging in and refusing to believe it's not 1962 anymore. Mine said car seats were "a load of rubbish" and that she'd sit my child in the front seat without one.

So she's never watched the child, nor driven them. I already would not have left the child alone with her anyway, given I grew up with her and know how violent she can be, but with the car seat she erased any chance of a family outing. No skin off my nose.

Best bet is you buy a car seat of your choosing and put it in her car. She'll get over her 'hurt feelings'.

Rannva · 12/08/2021 12:58

@GenderApostatemk2

I’m a Grandma and have only very recently started turning my 2 year old Grandson round to face forwards, only on short, low speed journeys too. My DD wouldn’t let her in laws use their FF seat until a month or so ago either. No way should an 8 month old be in anything other than rear facing. My DD is 30 and was rear facing till at least the age of one, so it’s not like it’s a new thing. Your Mum is in the wrong, the only person she should be upset with is herself.
This is really good to know - my mum acts like everything is new and surprising to her, but as you say, car seats aren't new and rear-facing isn't new.

I work with plenty of 50s and 60s people who are modern and forward-thinking and didn't simply stop adopting new information in 1987, so I'm sad that my parents did. They hate everything now :p

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 12/08/2021 12:58

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules

This is a hill I would die on to be honest, you can’t fuck about with car safety.

EgonSpengler2020 · 12/08/2021 12:59

I'm a paramedic and the only child fatality in an RTC that I have been to was a forward facing toddler.

Young children are 5 times less likely to die in a car crash when rear facing.

Look up some crash test videos on YouTube and make her sit and watch them with you.

This is a hill to die on, and is not a scenario where you should be negotiating or trying to appease your mother.

Whatnexttoday · 12/08/2021 12:59

I just can't understand why relatives can't understand this kind of thing. It's really simple, it's much safer. I'm sorry OP - I'm not sure what to suggest but agree your baby shouldn't be forward facing at this age

AnonymousCheerleader · 12/08/2021 13:00

I can remember repeatedly having this conversation with my mum.

Stick to your guns on this one.

Ikeeponkeepingon · 12/08/2021 13:04

Car seat safety is non negotiable. There is a test done in Sweden called the plus test that measures the neck loads in car seats in accidents to ensure safety. No forward facing seat has ever passed.

FluffMagnet · 12/08/2021 13:05

My DD is a very tall 2.5 yo and I still rear face her. If your mum has just bought the seat, can't she return it and swap for a rear facing or 360 model?

memememe · 12/08/2021 13:05

is baby still in the infant carrier as they can stay in that till about 14 months especially when small, so you can just giver her that and then maybe she can use the ff one after. (id still want rf personally)

Original poster
PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 13:08

Oh gosh thank you all so much for replying. I'll try read all comments now, but just from what I glanced at.
I doubt LO is definitely nowhere near 9kg yet. But even so I think it'd still feel uneasy.

She's going to pop over in a bit and does know I've asked for opinions on here so will show her what people have said.
Hopefully it will make her understand that times have changed from 'chucking a moses basket in the back of the car with baby asleep in it...' her words... Hmm

OP posts:
EgonSpengler2020 · 12/08/2021 13:10

@FluffMagnet

My DD is a very tall 2.5 yo and I still rear face her. If your mum has just bought the seat, can't she return it and swap for a rear facing or 360 model?
This is probably the best idea, maybe you could persuade her by suggesting a twisting model that LO will be rear facing in. It will be so much better for your mum's back in the long run.
GigantosaurusRex · 12/08/2021 13:14

My son rear faded until he was 5. Times have changed, cars have more powerful engines, there are a lot more of them on the road and we have more scientific data to show how much safer rear facing is. I consider good car seats (and childhood vaccinations for that matter) as an insurance policy. You can be fine every day without them but never know when you are going to need them.

Whatnexttoday · 12/08/2021 13:16

As your mum will be reading - my 3 year old is still rear facing and loves her seat. It spins and she is very comfy in it. She has regular appointments at a large children's hospital and her consultant there was really pleased she still rear faces.

Original poster
PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 13:17

@memememe

Yes we still use the carrier one.

Might just be worth moving the car seats from car to car for a few months, it has an isofix with it so not that difficult to transfer.
Just feel a little bad because I understand she was just helping but car safety is just so important and I'm having difficulty letting anybody else drive LO around as it is.

@FluffMagnet
Ye she could return it, I think that's what upset her further and why she said I was ungrateful.

But got other people's views who don't know us so it wont put any family members in awkward situations now.

Thank you to everyone and I'm glad to see others have been in similar situation

OP posts:
Habber · 12/08/2021 13:17

I had my kids donkeys years ago and RF them until they were about 2- 2.5as they were very small and only when their legs got too long did I turn them

JustLyra · 12/08/2021 13:24

I’d stick to simple facts.

Rear-facing is considerably safer. It’s more likely that an accident will happen close to home or on a short journey (“we won’t be going far” is often used as an excuse/reason for not using car seats). Your daughter isn’t big enough for that seat.

Knowing those things why would your mother want to put your DD in it?

modgepodge · 12/08/2021 13:27

Alternatively, if your mum won’t return the car seat she’s bought, to avoid switching seats around all the time you could buy whatever car seat you’re planning to buy next (presumably still rear facing), and use it straight away in your car, and give her the infant carrier to use. Then when your child outgrows the carrier they can use her one, by which point it will be a bit safer for them. The next stage seats are often advertised as being suitable from newborn, and whilst I wouldn’t use them with a newborn, they’ll be fine for an 8 month old. I’ve got the nuna rebl basq for example, which is a spinning seat, or the joie 360 is very similar.

Would still be better for your mum to get a rear facing toddler seat though, and she absolutely can’t use the FF one with a small 8 month old.

stripesandyellow · 12/08/2021 13:27

We had no isofix and used a maxicosi Pebble until DC was too big (maybe 18m?), then got another RF seat that she used until she was gone five (she's nearly six and still not too heavy for it).

Can you buy a new one for the next few years and give DM the one you use now?

Just reiterate that guidance has changed - our DC was the only one RF that late and in-laws thought it odd, but respected what we said and DC knew no different.

MonkeyPuddle · 12/08/2021 13:28

I would be questioning her as to why her hurt feelings are more important than her grandchild’s safety?

Because at the end of the day the thing that matter is the child’s safety, she needs to suck it up and move on like the adult she is.

This is absolutely a hill I would die on, no compromised at all.

bloodywhitecat · 12/08/2021 13:35

I worked with a child who is now in a wheelchair and is tracheostomy dependant for breathing as a result of being a forward facing toddler in a single car RTC, no way would I forward face such a young child.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 12/08/2021 13:37

This is something I would fight on for sure!! We still rear face out almost 3 year old, and he's on the 95th centile!!