Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguement about car seat safety

90 replies

PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 12:44

Sorry I didn't really know where to put this, but I would like to know who others think is being unreasonable. Because I really don't think I am.

I'm going back to work next week after mat leave. My mother has kindly offered to have LO couple days a week and that is absolutely wonderful.

But we've had a bit of a disagreement over car seats last night. She informed me that they had bought a car seat for their car so we don't have to be faffing with it in the mornings. Thought, wonderful that's a great idea. She showed it to me and I had to explain it wasn't a rear facing one and was pretty sure it was the law to have them in a rear facing? (Correct me if I'm wrong here but that's what I was told by HV). Needless to say, whether or not its the law, I said that LO is far too young to be facing forward if there is a accident etc.
She went on to say that it is from 9months of age and cost a lot of money and it is obviously safe or they wouldn't sell it.

Baby is 8 months old, is a small baby for age.

I tried to show her the guidelines but she wouldn't hear it and ended up quite awkward and upsetting.

This morning I have tried to broach the subject and say that we could perhaps look for one suitable in the meantime and then use the one they bought when LO gets to the recommended weight as opposed to recommended age.

She can't understand it from my point of view and I was hoping that if I asked on here and showed her what other people's views were that she may see it from the safety point of view?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/08/2021 14:41

I'm in my 50's, grew up without car seats, my children didn't have them etc. You can't compare road safety from then to now. We didn't have the volume of traffic, the aggressiveness of drivers and as many bad drivers, as we do now.
I walked to school from five and only a few cars would pass, it was mainly buses. On the same route, cars are bumper to bumper all day and many try to jump the lights. Don't let her use the argument of children in the family surviving through less safety standards, because conditions have changed and many didn't.

LividLaVidaLoca · 12/08/2021 14:50

Thanks for this thread.

My 16mo is horribly car sick and I’m getting lots of inlaw pressure to forward face him.

This has helped strengthen my understanding of the issues.

EgonSpengler2020 · 12/08/2021 14:50

@smashionaltreasure

Don't let her read the thread though, it's quite harsh
The whole point of car seats is to prevent your child from death or severe injury, most car seats end up in the dump without ever having been used for the actual purpose they were designed for. The entire subject is "harsh"!
AtticusHoysAnus · 12/08/2021 15:03

Tell her to look at the size of your babies neck and shut the fuck up.

It's so stupidly obvious as to why they should rear face for as long as possible.

PeterCorbeau · 12/08/2021 15:08

My DD is 2.5 and still happily rearfacing and will be for as long as possible.

I think some of the older generation take things like this as some sort of personal slight against their parenting (even when we didn't know then what we do now). It's the same with front/back sleeping sometimes too; some people seem to take it as implicit criticism of their parenting that they did something that is now advised against, even though back then no one knew, and it can make them defensive.

Jent13c · 12/08/2021 15:08

Show her this video. Pretty hard hitting.

An 8 month old would be much easier to just pop in the car in her baby seat. Really not sure why she is arguing with you over whats safe, my mum did the same and to some extent so did DH 'if they sell it in the shops then its safe'.

Sprogonthetyne · 12/08/2021 15:11

DD is 2 and tends to sit frogy style, as did her brother until we turned him at 3. Legally speaking car seats that ff from 9kg are legal if the designs were approved more then a few years ago, but seats are no longer been approved unless they rf until later (around 18m, which is still to young IMO) so as licences expire there'll be a gradual change over.

I'd explain that you want to aim for "as safe a possible/practical" not "as dangerous as legally allowed", then buy a seat your happy with to put in her car. She then has the choice to either return hers or store it until baby's older, but explain she'd be waiting years not months.

Garman · 12/08/2021 15:16

My son was rear facing until almost 4 years, he just pulled his knees up a bit, perfectly comfortable.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/08/2021 15:17

My DGS is over 3 and a half and still rear faces, he's tall for his age as well. My DD says it will be like this for at least another year as it's the safest way for him to travel. This is obviously a new idea for me and my DH but we totally respect our DD's stance.

NewFlav · 12/08/2021 15:27

Rear facing is at least 5 times safer than forward facing. It's recommended that a child should rear face until at least 4yo. This is due to the bones in their necks not being fully developed until this age. A crash with a younger child forward facing would cause internal decapitation. My DS will be in an extended rear facing seat that will last to 25kg around 8yo.

Unfortunately the law in this country is seriously outdated with car seat safety and a lot of people put their children at risk unknowingly.

Your baby is still tiny, I'm sure Joie do infant car seats for under £50 that last to 13kg and are rear facing and have additional crash testing. Maybe try one of these in the meantime until your baby is big enough for the other seat?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 12/08/2021 15:28

Also, just in case she says something along the lines of being a safe driver, which is something that was often said to me by taxi drivers in DH's home country who were offended that I wanted to use a child seat. I said to them that I was absolutely sure that their driving is good, it's all the other road users that I'm worried about, they always agreed with me about that.

Duploisthebest · 12/08/2021 15:30

My 91st centile 4 year old is still rear facing and as I have now worked with two toddlers who were in medical halos due to car accidents I would definately stick to your guns with this one.
Does the seat definately only forward face? Lots of the combination seats have the option to rear face to 18kg these days.

GurlwiththeCurl · 12/08/2021 15:42

How old is your DM, OP? I’m mid 60s and my DSs are early 30s (born early 1990s. They used car seats from babyhood until well into childhood. Traffic was heavy in many places back then, so I don’t understand the arguments that people of my age didn’t use car seats!

Jerima · 12/08/2021 15:52

My husband's dad who is read now and his sister are obsessed with a baby/ child NOT using a car seat.
The sister has 1 DC and once my dh put the baby in the car seat we had given her. He done up all the straps, and noticed they had not put the base in the car. He explained it was needed then went to say goodbye to the baby and the sister had undone them all and was proudly sitting there with a smug grin on her face. Her baby was about 6 months old at the time. She is a total cunt.

Jerima · 12/08/2021 15:52

Dead not read

WetWeekends · 12/08/2021 16:11

@PloddingAlongLikeABean

It's nice to see that some of your LOs are still in rear facing at much older ages and bigger centiles. Im just wondering how their legs are positioned (ie crossed) I'm going to have a look online now to see if I can get a good car seat that will last but I can't figure out where LOs leg's will go? Blush
My 3 year old looks more comfortable in the RF seat we have than the FF seat Grandparents have because her feet are dangling off the edge FF with nothing to rest on. My eldest was RF until he was 5 and he’s 75th centipede for height. I’d be thinking carefully if weekly childcare with your Mum is a good idea. I suspect this will be one of many things she’ll insist she knows better than you about.
DuggeeHugPlease · 12/08/2021 16:22

I may be off the mark but I'd be a bit worried about getting a spinning chair like a 360 in case your DM decides ff is better and just spins baby round when you're not there. At least a fitted rear facing one would be more difficult to actually remove and turn.
(I love the 360 and have it myself but it's so easy to switch between so you'd need to trust she wouldn't)

StepGarlic · 12/08/2021 16:25

If its easy to swap then swap it. Not worth the risk is it. If she has an accident and something happens then it won't be good for any of you.

StepGarlic · 12/08/2021 16:26

@DuggeeHugPlease I agree, that was my first thought when it was suggested.

Killahangilion · 12/08/2021 16:32

I’m a granny and amongst my granny friends, I’d be surprised if any of them would argue over car safety, or anything regarding their precious grandchild’s safety, to be honest.

Maybe suggest your mum asks what her friends who are grandparents have done? She might be surprised to find she’s the odd one out with her out of date views?

gogohm · 12/08/2021 16:42

Even when mine were small it was 9kg - 20 months for mine. 8 months is a no. If you had said 2years it would have been a case of around town occasionally it would be handy not to switch the seat but not so young

gogohm · 12/08/2021 16:47

Though I admit it's better than my mil who proudly told us at the age of 3 our niece no longer needed a car seat, and she was using the garden cushion to see better Hmm. She accused me of being posh for buying booster seats (£60 graco ones, certainly nothing like the rear facing ones). At that point the law insisting on car seats until 130cm was already in place, dn was 5 and shorter than my dd

OaxacaChihuahua · 12/08/2021 16:49

They aren’t illegal but they are very dangerous.

I’m sure she doesn’t actually want to actively endanger your baby, but that would be the result. It may be that she feels defensive because in the past front facing seats were more common. But now we know better, so we do better.

Sh05 · 12/08/2021 16:50

My DD will be 2 in a month, shes still in the baby carrier as she's quite small so your lo should be fine.
Just one point about returning carseat though, you may have to check with the retailer as I know Halfords said once you'd had it fitted and driven away with it it became non refundable

Soontobe60 · 12/08/2021 16:56

Where did she get the seat from? When I got my seat for my grandson, the assistant asked me his age, height, weight (I didn’t know those) and said I needed a rear facing one. (He was 6 months old). I got a Joie 360 spin.
As for using the carrier seat, perhaps your dm can’t actually lift it in and out easily? I know I would struggle as I have sore wrists. Also, constantly lifting it in and out can damage the paintwork on the car.
If I were you, I’d buy her the correct seat, preferably one like the 360 spin. Your dm is in the wrong, but she was just trying to help and the issue of car seats should have been brought up by you before she went and spent her own money on one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread