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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Arguement about car seat safety

90 replies

PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 12:44

Sorry I didn't really know where to put this, but I would like to know who others think is being unreasonable. Because I really don't think I am.

I'm going back to work next week after mat leave. My mother has kindly offered to have LO couple days a week and that is absolutely wonderful.

But we've had a bit of a disagreement over car seats last night. She informed me that they had bought a car seat for their car so we don't have to be faffing with it in the mornings. Thought, wonderful that's a great idea. She showed it to me and I had to explain it wasn't a rear facing one and was pretty sure it was the law to have them in a rear facing? (Correct me if I'm wrong here but that's what I was told by HV). Needless to say, whether or not its the law, I said that LO is far too young to be facing forward if there is a accident etc.
She went on to say that it is from 9months of age and cost a lot of money and it is obviously safe or they wouldn't sell it.

Baby is 8 months old, is a small baby for age.

I tried to show her the guidelines but she wouldn't hear it and ended up quite awkward and upsetting.

This morning I have tried to broach the subject and say that we could perhaps look for one suitable in the meantime and then use the one they bought when LO gets to the recommended weight as opposed to recommended age.

She can't understand it from my point of view and I was hoping that if I asked on here and showed her what other people's views were that she may see it from the safety point of view?

OP posts:

seven201 · 12/08/2021 17:07

I didn't put my dd in a forward facing seat until she was about 3 I think. Their necks are just too weak to take a forward facing impact. I'd refuse for my dd to go in personally, as would my dh. I think picking the right car seat is a big deal and you should be involved. Perhaps you should offer to buy it seeing as they're giving you free childcare.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/08/2021 17:13

Mine range from 30 to 16 and none have been forward facing at that age and size.

Jerima · 12/08/2021 17:27

If you have one of those people carriers/vans that has a row of seats behind the driver's seat which face towards the back of the car, what car seat do you use then?

Mum21031608 · 12/08/2021 17:32

YANBU at all.

My FIL did the same...went out and bought a forward facing seat from 9 months old and I was honest and said there was no way my son was going in it.

Me and DH then went out and bought another one of the car seats that we used in our cars and put it in FIL’s car.

Car seat safety is non-negotiable.

A forward facing 8 month old?! Hell no!

EezyOozy · 12/08/2021 17:38

@Jerima , You would still need to put them facing the rear of the vehicle. How is the car seat fit would depend on the brand, you may have to buy a specific type

Foldinthecheese · 12/08/2021 17:39

My DD is 2.5, very tall and still rear-facing. My dad tried to convince me to turn her around. I started by pointing out that it is significantly safer, then said that she is happy and likes being able to see her brothers (who are 5.5 and in high-backed boosters). Finally, however, I realised that the only argument that matters is that she is my child and I get to make these decisions for her. He can disagree, but he doesn’t get a say. That ended the conversation.

FTEngineerM · 12/08/2021 17:43

This is exactly why I just gave MIL my car seat setup, seat + base before they could even think about what to get.

I didn’t want this scenario. She was even talking about Facebook marketplace 😬.

We had a faff for a while whilst we switched the other car seat setup between mine and DPs car but then bought another thankfully.

I’ll do it again when DS2 arrives too. I’d rather ph and know it’s what I think is safe.

PurpleMustang · 12/08/2021 18:32

It is obviously easy to agree with her logic that they are sold and hasn't necessarily done wrong. However!, she needs to understand that like lots of things research comes along that changes views. It will likely be that over time where it is just heavily advised for now that these things then change in law. She was being a bit rude saying you was ungrateful. I am sure she is just a bit hurt that she tried and didn't quite hit the mark. After all, if she is willing to die on this hill and use it and potential cause unnecessary injury to your child/her grandchild, to prove a point, you have got a way bigger issue.

SamprasTheRabbit · 12/08/2021 18:47

We have two seats - Axkid Minikid in our main car and a maxi-cosi spin seat in the second car/spare. My in-laws requested we got an isofix one because they weren't confident fitting a seat with tethers. They all raised eyebrows at my insistence of rear facing but respect it. For what it's worth, DD 2.5 prefers the Axkid because she can climb in herself and the sides are lower so she has more room for sitting with her legs crossed.

AgentJohnson · 12/08/2021 19:40

If she’s like this over car seats and you have to convince her, imagine what she’s going to be like on other things (weaning, food etc). The dynamics of a parent child relationship change when you have a child yourself and some parents, have great difficulties in accepting their new role in the pecking order.

I wouldn’t have the patience to educate someone over car seat safety for my own child.

Original poster

PloddingAlongLikeABean · 12/08/2021 19:44

Just wanted to update.

We went out this afternoon and have returned the car seat. Exchanged it for a rear facing. Sales person was apologetic and spoke to us in great length about car safety etc.
She has apologised, as she can see that everybody was saying the same thing.
Her friends have the same mindset as she did and one even said that they allowed their grandchild to go without a seat and they wouldn't make seats if they weren't legal bla bla so I think she's probably spoken to them and thought she was doing right.
So thank you all for helping out, wouldn't have been able to convince her I don't think without so many saying the same.

OP posts:

StepGarlic · 12/08/2021 19:45

Great news!

Thinkingthinking · 12/08/2021 20:00

Rear-facing car seats are up to five times safer than forward-facing ones. The risk of serious injury in a high-impact crash is reduced from 40% in a forward-facing seat to just 8% in a rear-facing one.

Not worth the risk IMO. The Brittax seats rear face to age 4.

8dpwoah · 12/08/2021 20:09

Oh that's great news OP, I'm sure she'll pass it on to her grandparent friends too so lots of positives to come out of a difficult conversation!

Spyro1234 · 12/08/2021 20:24

Children should be rear facing until 3-4 years old. I personally wouldn't let ANYONE place my child into a forward facing seat, no matter what they spent. Safety is everything

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