Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to have sent my son away?

59 replies

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:09

I woke up today and realised I couldn't do it all again for another day. DS is three. My house is a shit hole. He trashes it. He doesn't listen to me. He constantly wants to do things he shouldn't be and no matter what I say or do it's nigh on impossible to get him to stop. I'm exhausted with it all. Mentally exhausted. I've got £1.08 in the bank to last until 25th. A water leak in my bedroom. Assesors from Home Insurance are coming tomorrow but I've got to try and get the house sorted first because they'll probably trip over something or catch something nasty and end up in Hospital. I've phoned DM this morning and she's coming to pick DS up and take him back to hers. I'll either pick him up tomorrow after work or Saturday morning depending on how she copes with him! I'm doing some gardening for someone on Saturday afternoon for fifty quid which I'll make last until the 25th. Just exhausted with the drudgery.

OP posts:

CatOfTheLand · 12/08/2021 12:12

Of course you're not unreasonable! Why would you be? You're sending him somewhere safe where he's loved so that you can give him a clean and safe house to live in.

To give this a bit of context - I PAY a nursery to take my three year old three times a week 😂

Do you have regular childcare normally? You sound like a wonderful mum who needs a break

ajja2021 · 12/08/2021 12:19

I'd do the same if I were you

FlatToppedTree · 12/08/2021 12:19

I hear you. It's just so relentless. DH and DS spent one Saturday night at MIL's and it was utter bliss . I'd send him every week if I could 🤣, so I totally understand

ABitOfAShitShow · 12/08/2021 12:21

YANBU. You are doing what you need to do. Be kind to yourself.

Doomscrolling · 12/08/2021 12:22

Hang in there, and I hope it gets easier soon!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2021 12:25

Sounds like a good call op.

But do you now have a plan for the next few days and going forward?

Have you got food in the house for you? Is he starting nursery in September? Does his father pay CMS? Are you claiming everything you can?

I'd have lunch and a cuppa then get on with the house. Work till dinner, sit and eat in peace then carry on. You'll get a solid nights sleep from the work and no DS and things will look better once the house is tidy and clean.

oneglassandpuzzled · 12/08/2021 12:42

You're not sending him off to an orphanage, he's with his grandmother. He'll have a great time.

Eralos · 12/08/2021 12:42

I’m sorry life is so tough op. This too shall pass. Sorry for not more practical advice.

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:44

@SleepingStandingUp

Sounds like a good call op.

But do you now have a plan for the next few days and going forward?

Have you got food in the house for you? Is he starting nursery in September? Does his father pay CMS? Are you claiming everything you can?

Plan for today is to try and catch up on the housework. This is the priority! Wish it wasn't so hot though! Tomorrow I'm working. Saturday I'm gardening for a relative. Some food in. Enough probably until I get the fifty quid for Gardening on Saturday. He goes to nursery twice a week now while I'm at work. I actually have a DH. He's at work at the moment.

OP posts:

housewifeathome · 12/08/2021 12:44

YANBU. Your sanity is important and your DM will love having him while you sort things out at home

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:45

@CatOfTheLand

Of course you're not unreasonable! Why would you be? You're sending him somewhere safe where he's loved so that you can give him a clean and safe house to live in.

To give this a bit of context - I PAY a nursery to take my three year old three times a week 😂

Do you have regular childcare normally? You sound like a wonderful mum who needs a break

Thank you! We do have childcare but it's only for the two days a week I'm working.

OP posts:

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:46

@oneglassandpuzzled

You're not sending him off to an orphanage, he's with his grandmother. He'll have a great time.

Thank you. Yes, he will. He'd probably rather live with her than me tbh.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2021 12:46

I actually have a DH. He's at work at the moment.
Does he do his share? financially, housework and childcare?

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:48

@SleepingStandingUp

I actually have a DH. He's at work at the moment. Does he do his share? financially, housework and childcare?

I suppose he does, yes. But because he's working FT, it's nowhere near as much as me in regards to childcare, housework and mental load.

OP posts:

ExpressDelivery · 12/08/2021 12:49

That's exactly what my mum did for me and what I hope I will do for my children in a similar situation.

It sounds like you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances. You've made sure he's safe and happy and given yourself some breathing space. Exactly the right thing to do.

I bet your DH isn't at breaking point over the state of the house though. That needs to be a joint effort when the gets home.

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:50

DM has now picked DS up. I should probably get cracking with the housework but it's hot and I'm tired so I'm sitting on the sofa. I'll get up in ten mins and get it sorted. Hard working out where to start though.

OP posts:

goose1964 · 12/08/2021 12:50

Three year olds are hard work. I've taken my grandson when he winds up his parents. He's normally very well behaved when he's here, and if not the threat of time out works. You need to preserve your sanity as it sounds like you're incredibly stressed. When you've finished one job give yourself a treat even if it's only sitting down with a cuppa.

CoffeeTopUp · 12/08/2021 12:51

You haven’t sent him away. You’ve arranged childcare so you can get some jobs done and have a much needed break from parenting. 3 year olds are hard work and you can’t get the sort of jobs done that you’ve described with a demanding pre schooler under your feet. Good luck!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2021 12:55

Sounds like DH needs to be doing more OP. If he comes home and you're still doing housework, he needs to pitch in or cook dinner and clean up afterwards.

That needs to be every day. You're working pt and doing childcare. You're not living a life of luxury whilst he's down a coal mine.

Do you BOTH have £1 in the bank or do you and he has more?

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:57

@ExpressDelivery

That's exactly what my mum did for me and what I hope I will do for my children in a similar situation.

It sounds like you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances. You've made sure he's safe and happy and given yourself some breathing space. Exactly the right thing to do.

I bet your DH isn't at breaking point over the state of the house though. That needs to be a joint effort when the gets home.

Yeah, DM is fantastic. And you're right, DH doesn't really have a clue tbh. He isn't home all day everyday so he doesn't realise quite how difficult DS can be. He won't be at breaking point over the house and laying in bed at night worrying about finances. He gets home in the evening, if I haven't got dinner on the table then he will sort that out. He gets DS ready for bed, brush his teeth, bath and PJ'S, and then we take turns tucking him in and reading him a story. Then he will load the dishwasher before bed. That's what he does to help of an evening. Morning, he'll empty the dishwasher. If he has enough time. He also empties the bin and changes the litter tray but normally leaves it too long so the bin will be full for a couple of days and the litter tray starting to smell before he gets round to changing it. And he won't give the bin a wipe over when he empties it, if it's dirty, he just changes the bag. Same for the litter tray. He'll change the litter but won't wipe the outside of the tray. Super annoying! He does the occasional load of washing too.

OP posts:

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 12:59

@SleepingStandingUp

Sounds like DH needs to be doing more OP. If he comes home and you're still doing housework, he needs to pitch in or cook dinner and clean up afterwards.

That needs to be every day. You're working pt and doing childcare. You're not living a life of luxury whilst he's down a coal mine.

Do you BOTH have £1 in the bank or do you and he has more?

I actually just replied to another PP about the sort of stuff DH does in regards to helping out. Though, I don't think he feels he needs to do more than what he currently does. Yes, it's a joint account. So, £1 in total as a family.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2021 13:07

Sorry, cross posted.

Presumably from September you get 30 free hours a week? I know its less spread over the year but might be worth seeing if you can get hom in a little extra to give yourself some space

EmbarrassingMama · 12/08/2021 13:24

YANBU! He'll be having a great time with Grandma and you'll get some much needed respite. I know it probably feels like you have 100 jobs to do but if you can find time for a nap or a bath you should prioritise that and give yourself a break.

Hope you're OK and you get on top of the money situation with the gardening job.

Original poster

kravestix · 12/08/2021 14:13

@SleepingStandingUp

Sorry, cross posted.

Presumably from September you get 30 free hours a week? I know its less spread over the year but might be worth seeing if you can get hom in a little extra to give yourself some space

I only get the 15 hours not 30. That'll cover the days I'm at work.

OP posts:

JudgeJ · 12/08/2021 14:30

How does he behave for his grandmother? I've noticed that after children have had time with me they will sometimes play up when their parents collect them so I tell them off because they've been fine all day!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread