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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my life back

79 replies

FreeTheDove · 12/08/2021 00:42

Ok it's a long one

XDP and I have 3 children together and he has a DC from a previous relationship.

His DC lives with him full time, her mother isn't around in her life.

XDP and I split after he decided he wanted to be with someone else. He has a GF now.

Now here's where it gets complicated. XDP and DSD still live with me and put 3DC. Separate rooms of course.
I don't know why he is still here but he's making my life a misery. He calls me every name under the sun, shouts at me in front of the kids, moans about housework yet never helps out! Moans about money when I need some financial help because I pay all the bills.
Then he uses it against me saying how I'm never getting a penny again!
He goes and stays out every Saturday with his GF and leaves his 16 year old DD with me who is disrespectful, mean to her siblings, messy and never cleans up after herself or help around the house (yet she moans about housework aswell) she's just like her DF!!

His GF lives with her parents still and apparently they're 'saving for a place of their own' but I can't stand it anymore!!
Im lying in bed right now not being able to sleep because my mind is going crazy with frustration over the whole situation!
I want my life back!! I want to relax in my own home!! If I bring this up he gets nasty and makes me feel even more like shit!!!

Im stuck and I want to be free!!!

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 12/08/2021 07:25

Pack stuff
Put stuff outside
Change locks
If he kicks off call police
Speak to step-daughter and explain the situation kindly but firmly, if she wants to visit her step-siblings for an evening she is welcome, but it is not possible for her to stay overnight and she has to behave responsibly and respectfully if she’s in your house.
If you can’t afford it on your own, get shot of the house and buy somewhere manageable ASAP.

User135792468 · 12/08/2021 07:27

Agree with pp. Either boot him out or look for alternative accommodation for you and your dc. He is vile.

bert3400 · 12/08/2021 07:30

You need to take control of this situation. Write down everything that has been going on, a journal of the abuse is crucial.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/08/2021 07:31

Who's house is it?

stepupandbecounted · 12/08/2021 07:33

You are being used!

Get rid, should have happened ages ago. He has no right to live with you, no right to speak to you in that way and I can not believe you are still putting up with it.

It does not matter what you need to do, get rid of him for good, move him out, move out yourself - it needs to change and quickly. It is so damaging for your children.

HollowTalk · 12/08/2021 07:41

Whose name is on the tenancy or mortgage? If it's your name I would simply pack up their things and leave them outside.

CakeandGo · 12/08/2021 07:46

Kick them out.

Holly60 · 12/08/2021 07:50

@Heronwatcher

Pack stuff Put stuff outside Change locks If he kicks off call police Speak to step-daughter and explain the situation kindly but firmly, if she wants to visit her step-siblings for an evening she is welcome, but it is not possible for her to stay overnight and she has to behave responsibly and respectfully if she’s in your house. If you can’t afford it on your own, get shot of the house and buy somewhere manageable ASAP.
They are half siblings not step siblings
Holly60 · 12/08/2021 07:52

But yes he needs to go and his daughter is his responsibility. I can’t help but feel incredibly sorry for his daughter though. Mother not in his life, useless nasty father, half siblings she now won’t get to live with…. Not a great start in life, poor thing

Holly60 · 12/08/2021 07:52

Mother not in HER life ..

billy1966 · 12/08/2021 07:53

Your poor children.

Why are you allowing this.

Him and his daughter need to leave.

Involve the police if necessary.

Get his stuff together and get them out.

Protect your poor children.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/08/2021 07:54

He's taking you for a mug.

Suggest you pack his stuff next time he's at his GF's (and his DDs) then drop them all off at his GF's parents house. He's their problem now, not yours.

Why is he not contributing financially?

Who pays the rent/mortgage?

And why have you put up with his for so long?

Osrie · 12/08/2021 08:27

Stop “bringing it up” don’t start telling him either. State he has this weekend to move out or his stuff will be by the bin ready for whoever passes by or the bin collection whichever comes first. It is a statement no up for discussion. As for his DD explain as has been said already by other posters.

coodawoodashooda · 12/08/2021 08:32

That is outrageous. Phone Women's Aid.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 12/08/2021 08:55

You’ve posted about this before and had some good advice on that thread. What exactly do you hope people are going to tell you that they haven’t already? Heed the advice you were given, or all you can do is put up with this situation.

Fashio · 12/08/2021 09:48

@SmallPrawnEnergy

You’ve posted about this before and had some good advice on that thread. What exactly do you hope people are going to tell you that they haven’t already? Heed the advice you were given, or all you can do is put up with this situation.
This.
AnonymousCheerleader · 12/08/2021 09:50

Doesn't he want you to keep his eldest when he moves in with his girlfriend?

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2021 09:50

Who's name is the house in?

Original poster
FreeTheDove · 12/08/2021 09:57

Sorry I didn't mention, the tenancy is currently in both of our names however he wants to get off the tenancy. I have the form to sign him off. I can't kick him out because obviously I don't have the right to

OP posts:
Original poster
FreeTheDove · 12/08/2021 09:58

[quote thenewduchessofhastings]@FreeTheDove

You've posted before haven't you?;if I remember rightly he wanted to move in with his new GF and leave his DD with you.Has the situation with the DSD improved or is she still refusing to go to college or get a job?

You need to be firm;give him 6 weeks to leave and make it Abundantly clear he's to take his DD with him.[/quote]
Yes that was my thread. We haven't said anymore about that because I'm too scared to bring it up. DSD however is adamant she's staying

OP posts:
lannistunut · 12/08/2021 10:02

@FreeTheDove

Sorry I didn't mention, the tenancy is currently in both of our names however he wants to get off the tenancy. I have the form to sign him off. I can't kick him out because obviously I don't have the right to
Once he is off the tenancy, you will have the right to.

It sounds like you don't want to.

MoonlightWanderer · 12/08/2021 10:14

Is it a private rental or through the council. Can you move out?

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2021 10:17

Sign him off the tenancy then kick him out.

DespairingHomeowner · 12/08/2021 10:24

Sign him off the tenancy, then tell him to leave

Re his DSD: if she is homeless, she is likely to be rehomed by the council as a young person

only you can decide if you want to go down that route, but I would not be babysitting a teen so my ex P could spend time with another woman = your ex is being incredibly unreasonable!

Stompythedinosaur · 12/08/2021 10:29

Obviously your ex is being unreasonable.

I'd be tempted to sign yourself off the tenancy and get a new place. But if that isn't possible then sign him off ASAP and then don't let him back in.