Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he hasn't got a hope in hell of doing this?

85 replies

MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 15:06

DP and I are both mid-50s. He loves sailing and his dream is to buy a yacht and sail around the world. It's all he talks about.

He is on a low income with no savings. He spent his life savings on getting a Skipper qualification last year.

AIBU to think this dream is never going to happen? I don't want to be nay-sayer but I don't want to encourage a pipe dream either and wonder if I should gently discourage him. (Does that sound awful?)

Unfortunately I don't have the money to buy him a yacht.

OP posts:
IamEarthymama · 10/08/2021 16:40

sirfredfredgeorge
I love this, my favourite band and an excellent song!

“ And I'm telling this story
In a faraway sea
Sipping down raki
And reading Maynard Keynes
And I'm thinking about home and all that that means
And a place in the winter for dignity”

OP Good luck to your partner if he does volunteer?

SquirryTheSquirrel · 10/08/2021 16:42

If the dream is keeping him going, I'd be wary of putting a wet blanket on it, although I would discourage any more major expenditure on the venture if his life savings are already gone.

You might encourage him to find some more realistic goals, in addition to this one, so he has things to aim for and achieve in the shorter term.

I know absolutely nothing about yachting but I can see upthread there are suggestions for things he could do without buying his own yacht, so perhaps find one of those to help him aim for.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 10/08/2021 16:45

All it takes is $100!

To think he hasn't got a hope in hell of doing this?
Shedbuilder · 10/08/2021 16:47

I booked a day's charter on a small yacht from a marina in South Wales a few years ago. Five of us went: I think it cost maybe £250 cash. The 50-something owner lived on board his yacht and offered sailing opportunities all summer. Then in the winter he'd park the yacht and take off the he'd take off to the Alps to be a ski instructor or manage ski chalets. It suited him, but he'd had a professional career and pension and he'd swapped his own home for buy-to-let rentals. So at least when he got too old to live on his boat he had options.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/08/2021 16:48

Michael Caine said they are a waste of money and you might just as well stand in the shower ripping up £50 notes Grin

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/08/2021 16:49

Next time he says he's going to buy a yacht say "with what?" And see what he says

Original poster
MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 16:53

Standrewsschool It was a long-term ambition but life got in the way, as they way. It took him many years on his low pay just to save up enough to do the training. He has the Yacht Master qualification.

I won't be going on any sailing trips as I get sea sick (and have no interest in sailing) but I wouldn't try to stop him going. We are very independent.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 16:54

A friend told him the quote about there being two good days when you own a boat: the day you buy it and the day you sell it. That hasn't put him off unfortunately.

OP posts:
lastcall · 10/08/2021 16:55

He could look to crew for someone...

Original poster
MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 16:59

The Discovery Sailing project looks interesting. Thank you daisycottage

OP posts:
toocold54 · 10/08/2021 17:02

Nooo please don’t ruin his dream!
Life can be very shit sometimes and often the only thing that keeps us going is reminding ourselves of that thing that will happen in the future.

AlmostSummer21 · 10/08/2021 17:02

@tara66

You know he could probably work on private yachts based in South of France. This can be seasonal or full time. Some of these jobs are well paid.
Yeah, not so much for 50 year olds with no experience
AlmostSummer21 · 10/08/2021 17:05

@CaMePlaitPas

I've just come back from Cannes and you can rent them for a bit, would that be a good taster for him?
With what? He's spent his life savings on getting his Skippers
Kernowfornia · 10/08/2021 17:06

I wouldn’t pop his dreams ballon. There is a reason for the old saying that the two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day you buy it and the day you sell it !

FrankieStein402 · 10/08/2021 17:09

Look forward to the two happiest days of his life, the day he buys the boat and the day he sells it.

FrankieStein402 · 10/08/2021 17:10

Hah pipped by kernowfornia! Great minds etc.

grapewine · 10/08/2021 17:24

If it's not shared money, what business is it of yours - really? Let him have his dream.

AnnieKenney · 10/08/2021 17:25

A friend of mine did it: www.sailingcalypso.com/get-real-get-gone

KnottyKnitting · 10/08/2021 17:32

We own a sail boat. At the Marina where we keep it there is about with a plaque on it which states:
"Boat- definition- a hole in the water surrounded by wood, into which one pours money"

This is so true. Nothing on a boat is cheap- the upkeep is ongoing and when stuff breaks it costs an arms and leg to fix! We sailed our boat down the south coast a few months ago in our relatively new boat (2018) and as we tried to leave the Marina to sail back, the engine stopped. The part we needed took 4 weeks to locate. It has cost us over £1000 in Marina fees ( whilst still paying for our usual home Marina fees) in addition to travel expenses getting home and then back to sail it home.

The suggestion to get crew work is a good one as it will give him good experience which he will need if he ever manages to buy his own boat to sail on long voyages. Day skipper is a great qualification to have but it's the experience you gain with regular sailing that gives to the confidence to go on longer voyages and sail in more difficult conditions.

The very best of luck to him!

Wonderbox · 10/08/2021 17:34

@sirfredfredgeorge

Does he work for the council and do the kids call him bogey?
Grin
Bargebill19 · 10/08/2021 17:37

We’ve always said- B.O.A.T stands for Bung On Another Thousand …

Whatever you buy for a boat will cost at least twice the price of the exact same thing for any other setting. Want a fridge from a chandlers - £££££££ but buy it from caravan shop and it’ll be ££££, buy it from curry’s and bung in a 12v adaptor and it’s ££.

Dontbeme · 10/08/2021 17:37

If you are financially not entangled let him dream, life can be tough and a daydream can keep us going someday. However if you live together and his retirement plan is that you save and pay for his retirement I would be showing him the door or the porthole, whatever applies in boat talk.

AtticusHoysAnus · 10/08/2021 17:40

Good luck to him, nothing at wrong with dreaming big.

It might not happen but he may well end up with a boat to have fun on a bit more local

He sounds like a decent guy.

Jux · 10/08/2021 17:42

oh let him dream, he knows deep down it'll never happen. I have a dream of living in a country where there are more hot/warm months than cold and wet ones......

MyriadeOfThings · 10/08/2021 18:17

@MrsOnedin

A friend told him the quote about there being two good days when you own a boat: the day you buy it and the day you sell it. That hasn't put him off unfortunately.
That’s not true for everyone though.

My parents had a yacht when I was a child. They sold it when they thought it was getting too big for them (due to their age). But they certainly didn’t see that as a ‘good day’.

My uncle bought a boat like this when he retired and lived on his boat until he died. It was his dream.

Don’t assume that sailing will automatically be a nightmare for him.