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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he hasn't got a hope in hell of doing this?

85 replies

MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 15:06

DP and I are both mid-50s. He loves sailing and his dream is to buy a yacht and sail around the world. It's all he talks about.

He is on a low income with no savings. He spent his life savings on getting a Skipper qualification last year.

AIBU to think this dream is never going to happen? I don't want to be nay-sayer but I don't want to encourage a pipe dream either and wonder if I should gently discourage him. (Does that sound awful?)

Unfortunately I don't have the money to buy him a yacht.

OP posts:
Marmitemarinaded · 10/08/2021 15:34

He gained his skippers qualification?

That’s no mean feat. Good on him.

It’s a healthy, outside, adventurous sport.

Encourage and support as much as you can.

The dream is just that… a dream. And unless he’s as thick as shit… he will know that.

Igotjelly · 10/08/2021 15:34

Lots of opportunities out there to volunteer crew. Owning a boat is expensive (I know!) but there are also options to effectively have a time share of a boat. My parents do this where they effectively pay to have use of a boat in something like 4 locations around. Thinks it’s through Sunsail or some similar company. They love it and means the maintenance etc is all taken care of so no need to pay loads on new sheets and sails etc or to get your hands dirty anti fouling every year!

Marmitemarinaded · 10/08/2021 15:35

How do you feel about him having spent his life savings on the course?

Surely impacts retirement plans?
I suspect there is a lot more to this situation

BikeRunSki · 10/08/2021 15:37

I have an ex who Skippered his way round the world in different yachts. He’d randomly send me postcards from assorted ports. He was about 25 though.

tara66 · 10/08/2021 15:44

You know he could probably work on private yachts based in South of France. This can be seasonal or full time. Some of these jobs are well paid.

Kanaloa · 10/08/2021 15:44

Is it just a dream, like an idle daydream? Or does he think this will genuinely happen? You could just ask him how he’s planning a round the world trip with no funds to speak of.

I mean many of us would like to travel the world. Unfortunately a yacht trip round the world is not realistic if you’re on a very low income with no savings.

MotionActivatedDog · 10/08/2021 15:46

@LuxOlente

Tell him he can have his dream but stop talking about it unless he actually takes steps towards it.
Urgh.
AcrossthePond55 · 10/08/2021 15:48

Let him dream, it's really no skin off your nose unless his dream is putting your security in jeopardy. Most of us have at least one dream that, perhaps, isn't as rooted in reality as we think it is. After all "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for?"

I'd only be concerned if we had joint assets and any effect on my ability to continue to live my current lifestyle. As long as he isn't putting you into debt or asking you to finance your life together so he can devote his income to his dream and as long as you can afford to maintain your home if he does 'run off to sea' let him dream.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 10/08/2021 15:50

I see PPs have posted some of the links that I would have done about volunteer crew opportunities!

Unless he doesn't want to crew and just skipper which might be more difficult. Volunteering might be a way for him to explore the experience and meet up with like minds.

SeaShoreGalore · 10/08/2021 15:54

If he’s got a qualification then he’s doing a lot more than just talking about it, surely?

TheWindRises · 10/08/2021 15:58

[quote daisycottage]www.crewseekers.net/[/quote]
This is the website he needs! Lots of happy memories...

MMMarmite · 10/08/2021 15:59

You can get work moving other people's yachts between countries, or crewing for people. Owning his own might be hard to achieve, but if he's fit and qualified he can certainly find a place on a boat.

Coyoacan · 10/08/2021 15:59

Tell him he can have his dream but stop talking about it unless he actually takes steps towards it

But he has taken steps towards by getting his Skipper qualification.

LemonFantaGin · 10/08/2021 16:00

If he wants to do it enough, he will do it.

CaMePlaitPas · 10/08/2021 16:00

I've just come back from Cannes and you can rent them for a bit, would that be a good taster for him?

emmathedilemma · 10/08/2021 16:03

I'm sure there's either charity "expeditions" he could do or rich people who can afford a yacht but have no interest in actually learning how to sail it who'd hire him to do it for them.

Rubyupbeat · 10/08/2021 16:07

There are many couples in the motorhome world who sell up, buy a small property and greatly upgrade the van to travel.
Is this a possibility?

OldTinHat · 10/08/2021 16:14

I also had friends in their late 60s who sold their house, bought a flat in Poole as a base and Airbnb'd it, bought a yacht and off they went around the world! Sadly I lost touch with them but they were having an absolute blast last time we caught up about three years ago. They had adult children and grandchildren but followed their dream and why on earth not?! If it's not your dream OP then have that chat and find a way for you both to be fulfilled.

Standrewsschool · 10/08/2021 16:18

If he has spent his savings on the course, he’s not going to be able to afford a yacht! Does he do any sailing now - dinghy sailing for example?

I do think you need to have a serious chat with him. If he hasn’t saved the money by now, he’s unlikely to in the future. Sit down and ask how he’s going to achieve his dream. Is a new dream or life-long? If life-long, why has it taken to his 50s to start getting qualification. If new, what has sparked the interest, and in practice, will he enjoy it.

What skipper course has he got? - day skipper? Coastal? Yacht master? There’s several levels available.

Has he considered any of the flotilla holidays where you can hire boats for holidays? Is he expecting you to go with him?

Is he a new partner?

SixesAndEights · 10/08/2021 16:20

@LuxOlente

Tell him he can have his dream but stop talking about it unless he actually takes steps towards it.
Well he's done exactly that hasn't he by getting the qualification.
OverTheRubicon · 10/08/2021 16:25

@Marmitemarinaded

How do you feel about him having spent his life savings on the course?

Surely impacts retirement plans?
I suspect there is a lot more to this situation

Agree. How's he planning to support himself in coming years? State pension? You? Magic money fairy? I'd be really concerned.
qualitygirl · 10/08/2021 16:30

Does he intend on sailing by himself or with you OP? He will need to get a lot of practice in before he actually heads off.
Is he any good with engines? Water desalination systems? Etc etc there's way more to sailing than just navigating.

Bagamoyo1 · 10/08/2021 16:31

A colleague of mine loved sailing, and he (and his sailing mates) would regularly deliver boats to various exotic places. I think it's quite common - someone rich buys a boat in the UK and wants to moor it in St Tropez, but doesn't want the hassle of sailing it there, so they employ crew to do it.
It's not the same as owning a boat but still fun if you like sailing.

Vispa · 10/08/2021 16:37

A relative of mine went on some amazing adventures post retirement, including two expeditions crewing a yacht from Antigua to the UK. He was mid 60's and didn't have any qualifications. Its doable without buying a yacht.

Original poster
MrsOnedin · 10/08/2021 16:39

Thanks all! All your views are appreciated.

To answer your questions, I own my home in my own name, he doesn't own any property. Our finances are completely separate. He intended to get crew work after getting the Skipper qualification but decided it would't be for him—too hectic and stressful—and the same with flotilla work or delivering rich people's yachts. He does go on sailing holidays with friends but this dream is specifically to own his own yacht and sail around the world.

I leapt at the rental/time share suggestions from posters but having looked into it the minumum price I can find is around £6000 for two weeks of sailing!

Perhaps nod and smile is my best tactic. I don't want to crush anyone's dream of course, but I don't want him to have a massive disappointment either.

OP posts: