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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Questioning mumsnet

76 replies

lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 09:47

AIBU maybe I am? Just wanted to know how everyone felt about using mumsnet as a safe place to post,ask for guidance,help and advice when it appears not to be.So is it just a platform for entertainment? It does not seem a safe place when posts become articles or even threads are posted by mumsnet on social media? Seen 3 I recognised on facebook this week.Does this make you wary of posting ? I don;t agree things on this site should be public outside of mumsnet What do you all think?

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 10/08/2021 09:49

I agree.
But I also think that you shouldn’t be punished by work for things you put on social media in your time off ( unless it’s bringing down your employer ).

ColettesEarrings · 10/08/2021 09:53

It's a business not a public service. Money drives all, and wider publicity on social media drives content and views, which advertisers will then pay to access. It's never been a private or safe space. It's all buried in the t&c.

AlmostSummer21 · 10/08/2021 09:55

I think you don't understand the internet.

Gothichouse40 · 10/08/2021 09:55

I think with any social media you need to be careful. I also don't like the fact that many threads seem to end up on certain newspapers. I really don't post here as often now. Some people leave themselves quite vulnerable on here. When posting, I would try to be as vague as possible. You never know who uses the site.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/08/2021 09:59

If you don’t want to run the risk, think carefully about what you post and whether you’d happily say it openly or to somebody’s face. Anything you write anywhere on the internet can find itself to anywhere. Hence how lots of well-known people who once made a vaguely non-woke statement or joke on Twitter when they were 17 find themselves being “cancelled” a decade later because the Tweet exists forevermore, long beyond when they realised it wasn’t a good thing to say.

MauveMagnolia · 10/08/2021 09:59

Journalists create threads here. You can see a posting style. I have just seen an article from The Daily Mailby Layota Gayle. It would be interesting to compare their writing style to some of these original OPs. They have written articles about them all.

Mother-of-two fears how her employer will react if she takes time off work for a third child
Women reveal the small things they would change about their husbands
Woman who is working from home BLASTS her neighbours for playing music in their garden
Vexed Mumsnet users list their (somewhat evil) methods of getting revenge
Mum reveals her husband has hired their neighbour's daughter to babysit while he goes to do sports
Furious woman blasts her neighbours for playing loud music because the weather is good
Woman thinking of ending her relationship after finding out his mother washes his laundry weekly
Woman fears her children will resent her because of money woes
Woman reveals her husband wants to quit his £60,000 a year job
Husband texted his female colleague gushing about having held hands on a night out
Woman blasts husband for sending photo to his ex
Woman admits she's bitter that a friend bought a two-bedroom house with help from parents
Woman is frustrated after her new neighbours wake up her son with the sound of their washing machine
Woman sparks debate over whether wearing make-up is a form of catfishing

Original poster
lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 10:01

I just worry for some of the more vulnerable posters we all see who reach out at times of personal crisis to them ..it just seems wrong. I do the internet and social media as never post anything you wouldnt want your mother to see or never say and do anything you wouldnt if the person was standing in front of you!

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 10/08/2021 10:01

These days I only post threads about very boring subjects like potty training and my blocked nose Grin Things the media won’t have any interest in.

54321nought · 10/08/2021 10:03

nothing on the internet is private - this is a public place. 100% public

BillMasen · 10/08/2021 10:04

It should be treated like a public place. There’s no expectation of privacy in drums, and as a business they can and will use you and your content.

Always remember, if you’re getting something for free then you’re not the customer, you’re the product

BillMasen · 10/08/2021 10:04

Drums=forums

funinthesun19 · 10/08/2021 10:05

I just worry for some of the more vulnerable posters we all see who reach out at times of personal crisis to them

Me too Sad This is why I never pull my face when threads get deleted as someone could be suffering.

Original poster
lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 10:06

@54321nought

nothing on the internet is private - this is a public place. 100% public
I wonder then if it would be of benefit if a disclaimer was displayed saying that? Boldly and clearly before someone posts maybe? It might make them think again before being so open as some of the posts are highly personal in nature?
OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:06

This is not some quiet charity space in the corner of the internet. It's a huge profit making parenting website with millions of users.
Threads can be lifted from the site and posted anywhere else and people need to realise that. Don't want it posted in The Daily Mail? Then don't put it on here.

Also as a PP said, it's a business. By those threads getting shared all over it's bringing more users in.

AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 10:07

Posting on the internet is like standing in the street shouting out your personal business to all the passers by.

Anyone who views a public forum as a safe place to post is a bit stupid, frankly.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:10

It's Hmm when a long thread gets pulled because the OP suddenly realises after posting their whole life and the thread appearing in the papers that it may not have been a good idea after all.

Original poster
lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 10:12

@AlternativePerspective

Posting on the internet is like standing in the street shouting out your personal business to all the passers by.

Anyone who views a public forum as a safe place to post is a bit stupid, frankly.

I agree but there does seem to be a lot of vulnerable people who maybe in a moment of crisis to them however big or small may not realise this?It was in view of them I posted my musings really.
OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 10:13

And it doesn’t have to appear in the daily mail to be seen by numerous people. MN has millions and millions of views every day. You might be recognised or you might not. If you don’t want your business broadcasted then don’t broadcast it.

People get irate and talk down the Daily Mail as if they think that if only MN didn’t give them stories or they didn’t lift them this would be a safe place to post. It still isn’t. it’s still public and is still accessible to everyone and anyone who wants to read it.

I would be more likely to recognise someone on here than in the Daily Mail because I don’t read the daily mail, whereas I do spend far to much time on here.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 10/08/2021 10:14

One thing is to post in coreect topics. It's usually AIBU being featured in newd.
Prople need to realise though that internet is generally not a "safe space" and so take adequate precautions.

Are you the poster who raised this last week as well?

MindyStClaire · 10/08/2021 10:14

@AlmostSummer21

I think you don't understand the internet.
This. MN is an absolutely huge site - their own site says they have "7 million unique visitors per month clocking up around 100 million page views".

Posting your private business on here is about the least private thing you can do. If you want to post something personal, change a few details and change username so that if you're recognised, the rest of your posts won't be read too.

If the DM or any other tabloid reposts your story, it's already far too late, it's already been seen by millions. This is not a private little space, and absolutely not a safe space.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:15

You can't save people from themselves. You warn your DC that the internet is not all it seems after all.
People able to use the internet should know the risks.

AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 10:16

But OP what do you want them to do?

They’re not our parents. People posting here are adults and need to be responsible for their own decisions to post on here.

If someone posts their life story with identifying details on a public forum then they and they alone are responsible if it ends up being seen by the person they’re posting about, or gossiped about at the school gates.

It’s not up to MN to handhold people who are too stupid to think about whether it’s a bad idea to post such identifying detail here.

If people need handholding to that extent they shouldn’t be on the internet.

GCAcademic · 10/08/2021 10:17

The internet by its very nature cannot be a safe space. It is the most public form of communication that exists.

AuntieStella · 10/08/2021 10:17

MN is most definitely not a safe space.

Sometimes it can be wonderfully supportive (especially in the topics) but it's not and never has been 'safe'

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:18

I agree with all of that @AlternativePerspective.