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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Questioning mumsnet

76 replies

lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 09:47

AIBU maybe I am? Just wanted to know how everyone felt about using mumsnet as a safe place to post,ask for guidance,help and advice when it appears not to be.So is it just a platform for entertainment? It does not seem a safe place when posts become articles or even threads are posted by mumsnet on social media? Seen 3 I recognised on facebook this week.Does this make you wary of posting ? I don;t agree things on this site should be public outside of mumsnet What do you all think?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/08/2021 10:18

I've asked this question a lot over the years and no-one seems to have the answer but, how did the idea that Mumsnet was ever a 'safe space' on the internet come about in the first place?

Hasn't it always been a public forum?

Original poster
lazylump72 · 10/08/2021 10:30

In answer I think what I would like to happen is maybe posters were made more aware that when they post content it may be uplifted,not that it necessarily will be but it could be. I think that may just serve as a reminder to the posters who seem to over share if I can put it that way maybe? Also no I havent asked about this before as I was just reading some posts this morning as you do with your morning cuppa and thought about this issue then randomly!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 10/08/2021 10:32

@AlmostSummer21

I think you don't understand the internet.
This.
Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:32

@lazylump72

In answer I think what I would like to happen is maybe posters were made more aware that when they post content it may be uplifted,not that it necessarily will be but it could be. I think that may just serve as a reminder to the posters who seem to over share if I can put it that way maybe? Also no I havent asked about this before as I was just reading some posts this morning as you do with your morning cuppa and thought about this issue then randomly!
But MN don't have a problem with the threads being shared/going viral (remember Penis Beaker) it brings in more users and more revenue. So who is going to make posters more 'aware'?
Unsubscribed · 10/08/2021 10:35

I naively started a thread and was receiving helpful replies. Then a poster commented that the 'story' would likely be picked up be the papers, at which point I panicked and asked MN to take it down which they did. I changed user name and haven't started a thread since. I would like to but I'm too scared, so I look OP's with similar problems and see what advice is given.

GCAcademic · 10/08/2021 10:37

But MN don't have a problem with the threads being shared/going viral (remember Penis Beaker) it brings in more users and more revenue. So who is going to make posters more 'aware'?

This. I think it's helpful to remember that, overall, we are the product, not the beneficiaries of this site. We create the content that attracts more users and more publicity (e.g. in the Daily Mail) and therefore makes the site more attractive to advertisers. That has been the case ever since MN made the decision to open up to advertising.

MindyStClaire · 10/08/2021 10:46

@lazylump72

In answer I think what I would like to happen is maybe posters were made more aware that when they post content it may be uplifted,not that it necessarily will be but it could be. I think that may just serve as a reminder to the posters who seem to over share if I can put it that way maybe? Also no I havent asked about this before as I was just reading some posts this morning as you do with your morning cuppa and thought about this issue then randomly!
But it doesn't actually matter if it's lifted for the DM or FB or whatever. Anyone can read it on here, you don't even need to make an account (which takes seconds anyway). Anyone can read it, they don't have to even be a parent. Anyone can send a link to a friend or screenshot and show it to their partner.
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 10/08/2021 10:46

It's a massive, public website. It isn't any kind of safe space. It's literally open for the whole world to view and posters should assume that someone they know will at some point read what they wrote.

There's no way to make it a 'safe space'. Make it visible to members only - anyone can join. Make it behind a paywall - MN loses the majority of their product (us), subs from the few who decide it's worth paying for don't make up for loss of advertisers interest due to reduced views so MN goes under in the end and in the meantime you still don't know who else has paid so your neighbour or your friend or your family member could still be reading and journalists could still use stuff anyway, they could join up and write about it and realistically what could MN do if a site in some other country had screenshots of a discussion anyway?

CaptSkippy · 10/08/2021 10:51

I am deliberately vague when I post here, because it's not private and definitely not safe.

AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 10:54

In answer I think what I would like to happen is maybe posters were made more aware that when they post content it may be uplifted,not that it necessarily will be but it could be. I think that may just serve as a reminder to the posters who seem to over share if I can put it that way maybe? Also no I havent asked about this before as I was just reading some posts this morning as you do with your morning cuppa and thought about this issue then randomly! you still don’t get it do you?

This has nothing to do with the Daily Mail. MN is a public forum. Even if the Daily Mail don’t pick it up, and let’s be honest they don’t pick up the majority of threads on here, anyone can still read what you’re posting here, share the thread via fb/twitter/email/chat about it at the school gate if the thread is about them.

So what do you expect HQ to say? “Be aware that you’re posting on a public website”? Fgs people know it’s a public website, and if they don’t then it’s their own fault if their thread is read by their dh/mil/the neighbours.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2021 10:55

@Sparklingbrook

You can't save people from themselves. You warn your DC that the internet is not all it seems after all. People able to use the internet should know the risks.
Exactly. It's not like meeting your mates for coffee in your living room or even the local Costa.

If people use the internet they have to take responsibility for themselves and as said above Mumsnet is a big business. I've little sympathy with people who are naive enough to think it's some kind of safe place,especially when they decide their threads are outing (usually because they don't like the replies) and get them deleted.

mowly77 · 10/08/2021 10:57

@AlmostSummer21

I think you don't understand the internet.
Grin
Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 10:57

MN even share threads on their own FB page, which makes it easy for everyone to share far and wide.

AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 11:00

I've asked this question a lot over the years and no-one seems to have the answer but, how did the idea that Mumsnet was ever a 'safe space' on the internet come about in the first place? I think it’s likely from when MN was a much smaller forum, and because they had a comparatively small number of users, everyone knew everyone, and so one poster’s plight was common knowledge and people stood together iyswim.

So when a poster lost her 2 year old to SIDS there was a mn collective called “Mile for Maud,” where posters walked a mile to raise money for a SIDS charity.

When a poster’s DH had a heart transplant, we had been following his journey through heart failure and the need for transplant, and the belief it would never happen, for several months. And so when he got the call everyone was watching in hope that he would pull through. I even PM’d my mobile number to someone to call me if there was news.

Another poster had a DH who was dying of a brain tumour, and again mn’ers rallied round, did collections for her, sent her groceries etc as she was at home with him and three autistic children so things were understandably difficult for her.

One of the issues which came about because of this is the fact that people saw MN as a generous, giving site, and more and more people came here with their (fake) tales of woe, in the hopes that collections would be started for them too.

And more and more posters came here, and the number of known posters dropped because there were so many.

So in essence, it was never a safe space, but it was a much smaller one, where many posters probably felt more secure in posting.

But those days have long gone.

IncessantNameChanger · 10/08/2021 11:01

It's not a safe space at all.

90%of the replies seem to be extremely nasty for a start.

Only a few of the boards are helpful. I try to change small details if I post sensitive info so il less likely to be recognised irl

AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 11:02

I will add here that the above stories were 100% genuine.

But these days there’s a high chance such a story wouldn’t be.

mowly77 · 10/08/2021 11:04

@MauveMagnolia

I remember some of those stories (from MN not the Bad Paper) but much more likely the journalists lifted them rather than ‘created’ them. Still lazy journalism; click bait, not defending it in any way.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 11:07

The Daily Mail etc aren't interested in the 'what's for dinner' threads, lets face it. The ones that get 'lifted' tend to be the more outlandish (and possibly made up) ones. The ones that have everyone Hmm on here to start with.

twinningatlife · 10/08/2021 11:08

To Be honest I think if a newspaper wants to publish a thread from MN then the poster should be offered payment - it's not fair that newspaper make money off members threads

IncessantNameChanger · 10/08/2021 11:08

I have been on here for 18 years. It's always had its nasty posters but you only have to go about three replies down on any AIBU for a guaranteed nasty reply now. Then lots of nasty replies dive in.

Lots of ' none of your business why do you care' on every post. Theres no way those posters are trying to help.

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 11:09

@twinningatlife

To Be honest I think if a newspaper wants to publish a thread from MN then the poster should be offered payment - it's not fair that newspaper make money off members threads
Are you serious?
AlternativePerspective · 10/08/2021 11:10

To Be honest I think if a newspaper wants to publish a thread from MN then the poster should be offered payment - it's not fair that newspaper make money off members threads don’t be so ridiculous. The thread doesn’t belong to you. The instant you publish it it belongs to MN. They don’t even have to remove it if you ask them to.

You are the product, not the customer.

Bibidy · 10/08/2021 11:11

No I wouldn't feel safe posting here really. Not just because of the potential for the media picking it up and being identified, but more because of the nature of many of the replies on here. I feel like lots of people just reply to bash the OP without any advice or guidance and it would be incredibly hurtful if I was actually in a vulnerable position and looking for help.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2021 11:11

@twinningatlife

To Be honest I think if a newspaper wants to publish a thread from MN then the poster should be offered payment - it's not fair that newspaper make money off members threads
When people post they become the product. That suggestion is unreasonable.
ilovesooty · 10/08/2021 11:12

Sorry, cross post.