Avoiding the bloody competitive parent trap on holidays...or at least trying!

[Upsidedownworld2021]

Am I a lazy parent for just wanting to hang out at home with my daughter??
Do you take your children out everyday?

I'm a single mum and she's is a lovely girl, 13 years old and happy to stay at home with me. She reads, plays with the dog and computer games with friends online. We cook together and she does some chores too. She also goes with her dad too but she is mainly with me at home.

Overwhelming pictures from friends showing everyday activities or expensive trips make me feel guilty, selfish, etc.

And I'm sorry but those dull walks under rubbish weather doesn't sound appealing to me and yes we did that too.
Aibu or it seems like mostly everyone is always doing things and never wants to admit to letting their kids just stay at home?
I'm glad if I'm not the only one so please tell me what to do with your teens these days?
Some days it's just hard to find the motivation to go out. Thanks for reading

Yanbu. My kids have a couple of weeks of clubs because we need to work but beyond that it's walks, baking, board games and lots and lots of movies and lie ins. If you and your daughter are happy with that then who cares. I have a friend who takes her ds out every single day to different activities but she openly admits that her son is really hard work and they all just get along better if they are out of the house. It works for them.

1. Posting a picture online doesn't mean they do it 'every day'. Multiple photos can be taken in a single day and posted over a period of time.
2. Even if they do post a picture every day, anyone can hold up a camera and take a nice smile each day. It's harmless, if they want to do that.
3. Getting upset over other people's photos, though, that's what you need to get a grip on.

You're an adult - you know putting pictures online is just a few nice snapshots of special days. People in the 1990s didn't flick through their parents' photo albums of days out and holidays, with the occasional garden and Christmas snap, and wail "You did exciting things EVERY DAY? You seem to have lived SUCH an action-packed life!" No, it's a photo album.

Anyone doing a full timetable of activities each day is an anomaly. They're also very likely to be rare or non-existent. Of course people are mostly at home, doing small-scale things, with perhaps one day out a week of varying distance and cost. Are the days out really expensive or are you just assuming they are? Ours cost very little, as there are many museums, historical sites and gardens which are free.

Tackle your feelings about others' pictures and realise there's no need to worry. Your daughter's having a completely normal time. You're just less inclined to take as many photos.

Plus I can't even think of what activities you would of with teenagers everyday!! It's not like when they were wee and would spend the day happily at soft play or a farm park.

I remember as a child we were at home all holidays and just played out....although l am keeping busy after a dull summer last year, we enjoy our days at home as much as going out.
Nothing wrong with it at all OP x

You’re only being unreasonable for letting it bother you - or looking. Turn off social media and enjoy the summer! Sounds lovely.

Those families probably have children (like one of mine) who needs a lot of stimulation or they tear the house apart!

Do what you like but some of us have dogs and enjoy dull walks in rubbish weather and don’t do it just for show!

My teens don't want to go out with me, or hang out with me at all a y more (15 & 17) . I would say enjoy this time while she still wants to be with you.

I also agree that it’s annoying. I know they are just pictures but you feel the pressure still. We do things out but not every day and definitely depending on the weather.

Mine are younger and go to my in-laws on the days I work, so they're out the house for 8 hours, x3 days a week. I like to give them a lazy day a week and we do the usual circuit of local parks, walks etc.

Although we're having 2 holidays this year (UK, week by the seaside in June and going again next week for another week) but this isn't the norm for us. In fact we hadn't had a holiday in 5 years before last year again was a UK break

I figure that the holidays will make up for the lacklustre summer I'm providing

My kids are younger and enjoy an activity from time to time. Just because you like staying home it doesn't mean we all have to. We've been camping and to visit relatives, things we can't easily do in term time.

And I don't post about it on social media.

I only use SM for groups. That’s my best advice, put everyone on unfollow and live the life you want to live.

If anyone can get their teenage children out of the house together doing something the whole family enjoys then they are a better person than me. Mine seem to enjoy just being at home doing things they enjoy and none of us feel forced to go on Instagram worthy show off days out.

I’m torn tbh.

I don’t think it’s good not to leave the house all day. I’m sort of in the opposite position where I have a WFH dp so feel like I need to be out all the time and I get a bit fed up of that but I do think it’s a bit unhealthy to not get out at all.

I just told my teen that she wasn’t setting foot outside the house until she tidied her room. It took her 3 days and even then we only went shopping ha ha! I don’t even feel guilty… 3 days of me chilling out, pottering about the house, not handing out cash while she jaunts off all day with mates and I’m worrying/hoping she’s staying safe. Staying in has its perks

Well people don't tend to post pictures of the days they just spend laying round at home, do they? My teens are slightly older and out with friends or lolling round in their rooms are their default. If I want the pleasure of their company I have to offer something interesting (or compell them to come visit gran/come for a walk). So just count yourself fortunate that your daughter still enjoys spending time with you.

I think as long as your daughter is happy and getting some fresh air everyday it's absolutely fine. Sounds lovely and chilled op!
We have 3 ds and there's no way in hell we could stay in all day and if we try it just doesn't work at all and I absolutely encourage them re reading, drawing, playing and though they like these activities they are very, very active and physical so have to be out running or doing sports everyday or the climb the walls.
Every family is different so maybe the families you are seeing have a few kids to entertain or younger kids who need to burn off energy etc so can't be at home all day.

I get the feeling everyone is just getting through the holidays by any means necessary. If that's staying at home cooking with you daughter, parenting high five to you. If it's going out in the rain, parenting high five to them.

I don't underestimate what it's like to not have the option of paying for whatever you want to do, but I find the cheap, free things are the best best days anyway. Don't try and make a happy child happier! Your DD is happy. If it's a competition you already won. No need to compare to anyone else.

Mine need to go out every day they are like energetic puppies! But usually just cheap free non structured stuff. Parks, swimming, dog walks etc.

I don’t post pictures though but some people like to share what they’ve been up to 🤷‍♀️

I haven't done much with DD this hol, she mostly hangs out with her mates or chills around the house. I did send her to a film making course all last week though and we will do a week of staycation type activities in August as not going away. But apart from that we've done one museum trip, gone to our local national trust gardens once and that's it. Just reading, telly, hanging in the garden. I work full time though so can't entertain!

We go out and do something pretty much every day - sometimes big days out/ trips, sometimes walks in new places. I take lots of photos to remember all the lovely things we do. If you don’t like seeing them, just unfollow people.

Thanks! Feeling much better now 😌

I used to be out all the time when DS was, quite frankly, really hard work. He's a joy these days and tinkers about happily in the house. We do stuff, yes, but not every single day.

My DD probably prefers pottering around at home! She'd hate being dragged around on days out all the time

Oh aye, we went bowling the other day with another family, then the boys played the arcade games. Apparently the best bit of day was going back to the other family's house so their kid could help DS write a list of characters in Halo.